Autonomy For Syria's Kurds!

Or better yet, full independence and union with Iraqi Kurdistan, if Turkey would stop being dickheads about it, and if the US and the West would stop being stupid, and if Islamist Monkey's would just fuck off and die already! 

Dragons Riders of Berk Reviews: Episode 17 - Breakneck Bog

It's looks like it's back to the good old Father-Son relationships episodes. With a new dragon and a return of Trader Johann. 

Stoick and Gobber are on the back of Thornado and appear to be searching for something...... or someone! HUHU!! My first question is how the hell Thornado can carry 800 pounds of fat ass on his back, but there are more important things to ponder, like why is the animation suddenly downgraded? And more on track with the actual plot of the episode, what the hell are they looking for? Or who the hell are they looking for? HU-HU-HU!!! The suspense and intrigue!

The suspense is sadly lifted not even 10 seconds in, when Stoick wanders where the hell some guy is, also letting it slip that's he's late. Gobber asks Stoick if, it turns out, Trader Johann even has something he only refers to as "it". 

No, not that "It"

Stoick is 99.99% sure that Trader Johann has it. Taking the word of Jorgenson, who heard from Stevenson the Shepherd, who talked to Toldstadt the Fisherman, who heard from his father's, brother's, nephew's, cousin's, former room mate that he saw Johann put "it" on his boat himself. I wouldn't trust that rumor simply because one of them is a dirty stinkin' Jorgenson. Remember those dicks (I misspelled their names as Yergenson back in the Thawfest review)? 

Hiccup is not far behind helping with the search, but he tells his father that it'd be a big help if he knew just what the hell they were looking for. Stoick tells Hiccup that they're looking for Johann, and that's all he needs to know. Ooh secrecy and intrigue? I love it!

They set down back at Berk, feeling they ain't gonna find jack shit today and because Thornado looks like he's ready to quit on life. Gobber reassures Stoick that Johann will come with "it" in good time. But Stoick ain't having none of that sappy, cuddly reassurance crap. Hiccup decides to take matter into his own hands, he's gonna find Johann and bring "it" to his father. He'll flay the skin off that slimy merchant if he won't cooperate. 

Hiccup suits up for the mission and packs some provisions for what is sure to be a long and ponderous journey. He decides to start searching from the West. At least until Astrid overhears him and asks him where he's going. He makes a hasty lie, but she sees right through it wandering why he's bringing enough food to feed Snotlout's whole family. Who just so happens to appear at the mere mention of his name and proceeds to devour all the food Hiccup packed. Caught with his pants down, Hiccup lays it out for them. He's going to find Johann and bring his father whatever Johann has for him and he wants to do it alone. Snotlout calls bullshit, asking Hiccup where he'd be without Snotlout and the rest of them to bail him out. Just as he chokes on a piece of fish bone and Astrid has to bail him out. 

Oh the sweet irony!

Hiccup reluctantly agrees to let only Astrid and Snotlout come with him. But he will only allow them to come with him, letting Astrid and Snotlout come is as big a sacrifice he's willing to make. He threatens Snotlout if he tells the others. 

And this is Snotlout we're talking about here, so of course he tells the others. Hiccup is noticeably pissed when the others also tag along. The Twins want the salmon they were promised, and Fishleg's reminds Hiccup that he said they're best when they work together. To which Hiccup says to just punch him in the dick the next time he says stupid shit like that. Something Ruffnut is more than happy to do for him, and demonstrates on Tuffnut. 

As all this dick-punching is going on, Astrid spots a conspicuous piece of wood floating in the ocean, and what appears to be Trader Johann barely clinging to life on it. Snotlout comments that he thought Johann had a bigger boat than that. Hiccup retrieves Johann and lands on an Island not too far away. Cut to Johann making some inane ramblings about Fog and his ship being pulled out from under him. 

Hiccup tries to knock some sense into Johann, and asks him what happened. Johann only goes on some more inane rambling and says he was three days late and decided to cut a few corners which brought him too close to...

...

...

...

Breakneck Bog!

The teens shudder at the mere mention of the name. They all come up with theories as to just what it might be. Astrid heard her grandfather say its pirates, Snotlout says it's haunted by a giant fog monster. This makes Fishleg's soil himself. The Twins back up the thoery saying the fog monster surrounds you, flays the skin from your very bones, then flays the bones from whatever's under them, and drops the bones for all to see. Johann says that's exactly what it is. Snotlout calls Astrid's grandpaps stupid as fuck. Astrid is ready to castrate him. 


Before she can do that, Hiccup tells Johann that they must find his ship. As there's something on board for his father that he must retrieve. So he's going to help Johann get his ship back and get his father's package, get two birds stoned at once. Johann recalls the package, only it wasn't for Stoick, it was for Hiccup. 

...

...

...

...

Hiccup is taken right off guard by this, he asks who it's from. Johann is shocked Hiccup doesn't know, it's from his...

...

...

...

...

Mother?!!!!!!!

shuwgfuwdhfduifhduihfsuidhfuagshvbhqwaue1waskj12idfepwjcv wqwpdcklb hxdcl nkabwcpdmbngshcfwsdhfhdsicfjnhsdfksjcsdsddke[ekbfcxdnbveoe343rd93ihdsdbfcoskdncbfvscsvcsvhfioskbdsfsdkcsiodnbshiofkjvfokdkfisakhdkqwdolwekfiqwo'[jfclq;jhcq;'cljq;cfjsalfiojsj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...

...

...

...

Oh Jesus, I apologise. But HOLY SHIT!!! This is a pretty big deal! When was Hiccup's mom ever mentioned in the movie? Just once, when Stoick gave Hiccup the breast-plate helmet. Aside from that, no mention at all about Hiccup's mother. I'm willing to call this the best episode in the series simply because it addresses the big elephant in the room that's Hiccup's absent mom. And it just makes whatever that package is all the more intriguing! 

This revelation makes Hiccup more determined than ever to find that package. He wants to know what it is, but even Johann doesn't know what is. All he knows is that it's in a chest with a Berk crest on it. Hiccup demands that Johann take him to Breakneck Bog. But having already faced what took his ship, he refuses to go. He threatens to slice and dice Hiccup with a knife in his boot. Ruffnut and Tuffnut watch with eager anticipation. But Johann admits he doesn't have a knife, disappointing Ruffnut and Tuffnut. But he still refuses to go. Hiccup tells him to calm his tits, and asks where he can find the bog. Johann tells him its due East, on an island in the shape of a hand. The bog is the thumb. 

With that, Hiccup tells Snotlout to take Johann back with the Twins. Snotlout doesn't like the idea. 

Back to Berk?

With this Dick?!

And those Dicks?!

Hiccup tells Snotlout to eat shit, he's going with the Twins whether he likes it or not. Fishleg's asks where the rest of them are going, though the answer is pretty obvious. Fishleg's has a look of such pure and utter terror, that I'd expect at any time he'd lose total control over his bowels. Off to Breakneck Bog!  

Hiccup, Astrid and Fishleg's are on their way to Breakneck Bog. Fishleg's is still stupefied and is trying to pull any bullshit excuse he can out of his ass so they won't go there. He offers to give Hiccup something from his mother, he even offers to give Hiccup his mother. Am I wrong for suggesting that that's suggestive? Astrid decides to fuck with Fishleg's and make him piss himself even more. Fishleg's wants to know if it pleases Astrid to see him cry. But that will have to wait, as they have arrived at Breakneck Bog. 

After a little scene with Snotlout calling Johann lame, the Dynamic trio come to the edge of a forest. After another little craven protest from Fishleg's, and a fair point about not going toward scary noises, they move in. Fishleg's finds a pile of bones and Astrid is nearly crushed by an anchor but is saved by Stormfly. They need only look up to see where it came from. 

There's only one logical conclusion......

FOG MONSTER!!!!!

Fog monster or not, Hiccup is going up there to retrieve that chest. Though the dragons won't land on the boat, they seem afraid. This unsettles Fishleg's, since they're dragons and they're afraid, so they should probably be afraid too. Hiccup and Astrid make a perfect James Bondesque landing on the boat, while Fishlegs falls on his ass. Hiccup sends the dragons down to the ground, and starts to look for the chest. 

Then a bone suddenly falls out of a foggy sky. Then a whole shitload of bones start to fall! The trio run for cover inside the ship. Hiccup tries to pass it off as a regular, everyday occurrence. But Fishleg's is, of course, inconsolable at this point and most definitely not stupid. Hiccup and the trio continue the search, and even Hiccup at this point decides he wants to get out of there ASAFP after hearing some rather unfriendly scraping at the sides of the ship. 

The search continues, Fishleg's is wide-eyed with bone chilling terror, and a fleshless hand that reaches for him from the outside certainly doesn't help ease his pant-wetting fear. He screams like a bitch and runs into Hiccup, whose found what he's looking for. Fishleg's tries to explain himself, but more scraping is heard outside, so they decide to hide and hope the Fog Monster doesn't find them. But it's of no use, it's now scraping at the door. Fishleg's tells Astrid and Fishleg's that he loves them, the door opens and...

...

...

...

...

HA HA HA! Losers!

YOU FUCKING DICKHEADS!!!!

After giving Tuffnut a beating (with Ruffnut joining in), Hiccup inquires as to what the fuck is going on, it turns out the whole thing was a ruse. The bones falling from the sky, the scraping, was all just Snotlout and the Twins playing a prank on them. Snotlout then mocks them for being all scared out of their minds, though Fishleg's admits it was mostly him. Hiccup asks why in the name of all that is good and pure in this world would they do that. Snotlout says its revenge for leaving him with Trader Johann. Hiccup asks where he is. Snotlout says he's fine. 

...

...

...

...

Those Dickheads!

Astrid tells Snolout that she ain't ever forgetting that little spectacle, and smacks him in the stomach. Just then, the ship falls out of the tree and somehow doesn't kill any of them when they hit the ground. Hiccup tells the group to run like children. Just then, a large cloud of fog makes its way into the ship. Snotlout says this ain't their doing, and Hiccup is starting to come around to the Fog Monster theory. The group is then consumed by the fog. 

The fog lifts, revealing Fishleg's hanging on to Snotlout for dear life, Ruffnut and Tuffnut thinking their dead, Astrid positively stupefied, and Hiccup's chest is gone! Hiccup is distraught that his mother's gift has been taken when he was so close to it. The others don't give a fuck and run away like the cowardly maggots they are. Hiccup tells them to go on, he's staying to find that chest. The others wish him luck on his suicide run and try to flee. Then Astrid chastises them for being cowardly worms, reminding them that the chest is from his mother. They still won't listen and are intent on running with their tails between their legs. Then Astrid tries to appeal to their empathy, and asks them, "What if it was your mother?". This stops them dead in their tracks, though doesn't make them particularly predisposed to helping Hiccup. 

 

Fuck you!

And Fuck you twice!

With the group under Hiccup's full control, he sets off after the Fog Monster. Which actually isn't so hard to find, since it's a giant cloud of fog that doesn't move like a cloud of fog. The group chases it, but it splits in two, forcing the group to seperate. By the way, there's some pretty good looking smoke effects here. 

The group manages to meet up in some giant ravine. They dismount, and the fog cloud gets bigger and starts to surround them. The dragons take to the air and appear to be leaving them behind (Snotlout admits he knew Hookfang never liked him). But the dragons are actually blowing the fog away. They reveal...

...

...

...

...

Aww, they're adorable!

Hiccup tells Fishleg's that he should be relieved that they're just a bunch of little dragons. But that doesn't exactly make Fishleg's feel any better. Ruffnut wanders what kind of dragons they are, Tuffnut concludes they're smoky dragon buttpirates with eye patches, but Fishelg's knows what they are, Smothering Smokebreath's. The others look at him with one of those "Why the fuck didn't you tell us this before asshole!" faces, and chew him out for not telling them that he knew about this particular dragon and instead went with the Fog Monster theory. 

Hiccup demands to know what Fishleg's knows about Smothering Smokebreath's. Fishleg's knows three things; They're territorial, they hide themselves in a cloud of smoke, and he can't remember the third thing. The Smokebreath's attack, and being little bastards they're pretty hard to fight off. Two try to carry Tuffnut away. 

That doesn't look pleasant.

After a long fight with the Smokebreath's, Hiccup decides to retreat to safer ground. Fishleg's wanders why he won't admit defeat and run away with a trail of piss and shit behind him, but Hiccup ain't goin' nowhere until he gets that chest. Snotlout wants to know how Hiccup knows that the Smokebreath's even have it. His answer comes from a huge ass anchor being carried by an inconspicuous cloud of smoke. Hiccup wants to get a closer look but can't see into their cave. Tuffnut however has a spy glass that he's fucking around with. Hiccup takes it from him and looks in. 

The Smokebreath's are melding a bunch of metal together to make a nest impervious to bigger Dragons. Fishleg's remembered the third thing, that Smokebreath's steal metal to make their nests more defensible against bigger Dragons. What the hell did they use before humans came along with their refined metal? 

Hiccup finds the chest in the cave, it hasn't been melded yet. He wanders if they can distract the dragons so he can go in there and get the chest unchallenged. Snotlout as it turns out is holding a golden necklace. So they use Snotlout as bait for the Smokebreath's. 

That's it, Snotlout! Just look appetizing!

Snotlout?!

Oohh.

With the Smokebreath's surely tearing Snotlout limb from limb,  Hiccup and Astrid go in after the chest. But they're through with Snotlout quicker then they thought. Hiccup grabs the chest but is surrounded by smoke. Toothless rushes to Hiccup's aid and blows the smoke away with his wings. 

Hiccup got what he came for and decides it's time to retreat. However, the Smokebreath's are trying to meld Snotlout's necklace while it's still around his neck. Hiccup and Toothless blast the Smokebreath's away and pick up Snotlout. They fly out of the cave with the Smokebreath's not far behind. Snotlout refuses to let go of his shiny, but Hiccup lays it out how it is, it's either Snotlout or his Shiny. Snotlout chooses Snotlout. The rest of the gang throws anything metal they have to the dragons. It appears the Smokebreath's have given up the chase, until one tries to grab Hiccup's metal leg! With Hiccup nearly being dragged off by the Smokbreath, Toothless loses control and is about to crash, until Fishleg's smacks its ass back to where it came from! And for a moment is a total badass!

You will not haunt my dreams! Bitch!

Because I'll never sleep again.

Well, for a moment anyway. 

With the chest safe and well in hand, it's mission accomplished for Hiccup. But one last thing they need to do. They bring Trader Johann's ship and Johann himself back to Berk. Snotlout and the Twins lift the ship onto the docks. Gobber thinks they'll have to clear a whole forest to fix it. Stoick is thankful to Johann and asks him if he needs anything. All Johann wants to do is kick Snotlout and the Twin's asses for leaving him on a rock in the middle of nowhere. 

And now for the moment we have all been waiting for. Hiccup and Stoick have the chest in their house, and Stoick tells Hiccup to open it. Hiccup looks at his dad, and Stoick returns the look. Hiccup opens it and...

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...

...

...

it's a...

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Dragon Doll?

Hiccup is shocked to see what it is, as he remembers that doll. His mother made that doll for him when he was little, and it scared him so much he threw it into the ocean on a fishing trip. It got caught in a fishing net and Trader Johann contacted Stoick when he found it. Hiccup mentions that he was so little when an uncertain event happened to his mother, and now he loves the doll. Stoick feels his mother would have been happy to hear that. *Sniff*, God this scene is just perfect, right in the feels. 

Hiccup puts the doll on the top of his bed, and tells us in narration that sometimes we fear things we don't understand. His greatest fear was Dragons, but one became his best friend in a time when he had no friends, not even his father. Toothless tells Hiccup with his big puppy dog eyes that he wants to go flying. They fly through the window into the moon, the last shot of the doll sitting on top of Hiccup's bed. 

Summary

Oh my good fuck god, this is the best episode yet! Episode 13, you've been USURPED!! Bitch!! While the animation may not have been the greatest in the series, this episode had the best story of any of the episodes. They actually managed to create a really great mystery with what was in the chest Stoick wanted so bad, and the fact it was something from Hiccup's Mother made it all the more intriguing to find out what it was. 

And when we did find out what it was, god damn, it was just feels man! The ending was just perfect, the score in the background, and the backstory behind what doll, the only thing I think that could have made that scene complete was the piano melody from "Where's Hiccup" soundtrack. 

And the suspense when the teens are looking for the chest was great, as usual there was great comedy and action, Johann being left in the middle of nowhere was one of the best moments on the show. 

With just the mere mention of Hiccup's Mother, and that perfect ending scene, this is by far the best episode yet. Let's hope the show keeps up the momentum. 

10/10

Movie Review: The Terminator

The Terminator, James Cameron's first big hit, the one that put him on the map and a force to be reckoned with in Hollywood. Back when he wasn't making stuff like Avatar.

Dragons Riders of Berk Reviews: Episode 16 - Defiant One

Since one episode focusing on the rivalry (or as Snotlout sees it) between Snotlout and Hiccup apparently wasn't enough, this will be another episode focused on that particular subplot. Will their relationship improve? Or will Snotlout continue to be a insolent dickmule?

The dragon riders are flying through a storm, on a search for some missing fisherman. Hiccup explains in narration, that the life of a Viking is full of hardship, which I'm sure everyone is well aware of. Sometime's when the shit hits the fan, and you need a certain somebody to bear the raining feces with you. Unfortunately that somebody might just be Snotlout. 

During the search, Snotlout says he bored as shit, saying that they're doing a lot of searching but hardly any rescuing. Well see Snotlout, you have to do a lot of searching before you can do rescuing. Searching can take anywhere from a day to weeks or months, you have to find who you're trying to rescue before you can rescue them. Hiccup reminds him (or informs him) of this fact, and tells him that his father said the fisherman were down South. Snotlout says he can't see them to the South and says they should go North. Astrid calls him out for trying to do the opposite of what Hiccup says. Snotlout thinks Astrid is trying to fuck with his mind, claiming nothing gets through his thick skull. 

Not even common sense?

Snotlout tells Hiccup to shove it, and says he's going North. Hiccup feels a sudden gust of relief, like the entire weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders. He smiles and basks in Snotlout leaving him in peace. Until Astrid gives him a "Hiccup, go after him" face. Hiccup feels like telling Astrid to suck it for ruining what could have been a perfect day for him, a day without Snotlout. But alas, he's too much of a gentleman for that. He goes after Snotlout and complains under his breath about it. 

He catches up to Snotlout who appears to be heading towards a giant water tornado. Any sane person would head in the opposite direction, but this is Snotlout. There is no comprehending what goes in in that head of is. Hiccup tries to tell Snotlout to stop being a dumbass and head away from the giant water tornado. Snotlout tells Hiccup he's a dumbass saying he's going around the giant water tornado. Spoiler alert, Snotlout is the dumbass. 

Snotlout and Hookfang get caught in the giant water tornado. Hiccup and Toothless fly in to save his worthless ass. Snotlout and Hookfang get separated, leaving Snotlout alone in the giant water tornado screaming for Hiccup's help in what is actually a pretty scary shot. Hiccup and Toothless manage to snatch him, but Toothless' tail gets fucked. They crashland on a very familiar looking Island. After a little checkback on Berk, Hiccup is searching for Toothless and Snotlout (I think). He finds Toothless and checks if he's OK. 

I'll take that as a yes.

Hiccup and Toothless are in a dilemma, his tail is fucked and they can't fly off the island. Hiccup then remembers that he has to find Snotlout, who is stuck in the tree above him. After Snotlout politely asks Hiccup to help him out of the stupid fucking tree, Hiccup has Toothless blast his ass out of it. Hiccup asks Snotlout if his fall hurt and if he needs a hand, Snotlout politely tells him to suck rocks. Hiccup is now faced with the very unpleasant revelation that he's stuck on an Island with Snotlout. Wait...

Fast forward to night time, skipping some no doubt countless arguments between Hiccup and Snotlout, Hiccup has made a new tail for Toothless, but the connecting rod is screwed. Hiccup tries fixing it but only smacks himself in the face. Snotlout, meanwhile, lectures him about the first rule of survival which is to pack some food. This would make sense if he wasn't holding food in his hands while he was lecturing about not having food. Something which Hiccup points out, but Snotlout complains that it's too old. Then he proceeds to complain when Toothless eats it. As if it couldn't get any worse, when Snotlout tries to fix the connecting rod mocking Hiccup's lack of strength, he breaks it in two thinking that was what Hiccup wanted. 

Snotlout, strong in the arms, weak in the mind.

Well Hiccup doesn't take this very well, seeing as they now can't get off the Island. In other words they're fucked. And even better, they don't know where they are. Hiccup thinks they could be on hostile territory, Snotlout thinks he's being paranoid. Then Savage and an Outcast patrol pass by them. Hostile enough?

So Hiccup is now stuck on Outcast Island with Snotlout, as if it couldn't get any worse. While exploring the Island, Hiccup catches Snotlout eating some strange berries. He advises Snotlout against eating those berries, but Snotlout is Snotlout and ignores Hiccup's advice. He thinks they should eat and gain strength to fight the Outcasts. Hiccup points out that it would be idiotic for the two of them with a grounded Toothless to charge into a fight with the Outcasts. As they're discussing this, Hiccup notices Snotlout starts to sound like he has a speech impediment. His tongue is inflamed from the berries he was eating. Snotlout thinks he's hideous, I'd say it's an improvement. Hiccup tells Snotlout that he might have something in his satchel, which Snotlout seems surprised by. Hiccup finds out right quick that Snotlout left the Satchel behind like an idiot. He chews out Snotlout for his fuck up, but Snotlout is unconvinced. 

Trust me, no one's going to find it!

Snotlout, fucking things up every step of the way.

Back at Berk, Stoick is waiting for Hiccup and Snotlout to come back. He asks Fishleg's and Astrid where they just might be. Just then, Hookfang returns in flames from pure rage. Stoick calms him down. He tells the riders to lock and load. 

Back on Outcast Island, the Outcasts are having no better time trying to train dragons than they did 6 episodes ago. Alvin loses his patience with a Nadder and grabs it by the tail to chuck it back into its cell. Savage shows up and shows Alvin the Satchel. Alvin feels as if it's his birthday. The Outcasts are confused, but Alvin tells them to stop fucking around and to bring him the owner of the bag. 

They're not too far away however. Hiccup is spying the village, scoping out for a blacksmith hut. He finds one and decides he's going to ninja his way there and build a new connecting rod.  Snotlout has his tongue dipped in a bowl. He asks how long he has to keep it in there, the only thing I'm asking is where the hell did they get the bowl? Snotlout is not keen on keeping his tongue in the bowl because he thinks he saw Toothless spit in it. Hiccup tells Snotlout that Toothless did indeed spit in it. He tries to justify it by saying Night Fury saliva has incredible healing abilities, but Hiccup's just fucking with him. Oh and also revenge for Snotlout fucking their already shitty situation. 

After a little shot of the other riders going out searching for them, Hiccup and Toothless are converging on the smith-shop. Snotlout is reciting some nonsensical poetry, Hiccup asks what the fuck he's doing? Snotlout says he's enjoying his tongue again. Suddenly a Monstrous Nightmare appears out of nowhere. 

 

Hookfang!

I'm not enjoying my tongue anymore!

Toothless intervenes and gets into a scrap with the Monstrous Nightmare. Hiccup manages to temporarily defuse the situation, until the Outcasts come in to crash the party. Hiccup and Snotlout flee, Toothless leads the Outcasts away.  Hiccup decides to wait for Toothless and to continue on to the Blacksmith. Snotlout however pussies out and blames Hiccup for almost getting them killed. Even though it wasn't Hiccup's fault, they just had shitty luck with the Nightmare. Hiccup rightfully points out that it's all Snotlout's fault since he left the Satchel behind and alerted the Outcasts to their presence. Snotlout then blames Hiccup for bringing the satchel to the Island. 

So in Snotlout's mind, Hiccup brought the Satchel to Outcast island for Snotlout to leave behind, and since Hiccup had no intention of going to Outcast Island he came unprepared and he's blaming Snotlout but since Hiccup was prepared and brought the Satchel full of food and supplies for Snotlout to leave behind it's all Hiccup's fault? The holes in Snotlout's logic are so huge you could drive 8 semi-trucks piled on top of one another through them. 

When Hiccup mocks Snotlout for his inane logic, Snotlout accuses Hiccup of being a smug asshole. Hiccup is taken completely off guard by this blasphemous accusation. Snotlout complains that all the important shit that ever happened on the Island is thanks to Hiccup. Oh Snotlout, you're just jealous that a kid smaller and weaker than you are accomplished far more than you ever will. In a pissy fit, Snotlout storms off claiming he doesn't need Hiccup to get off the Island. Hiccup returns that sentiment, with extreme prejudice. 

I don't need your bitch ass!

Oh please, five minutes without me, and you'll be begging
me to bail out your punk ass!

And with that they depart.......... with extreme prejudice. 

Out at sea, the search party finds Toothless' tail and conclude Hiccup and Snotlout must be lost at sea. Back at Outcast Island, Hiccup and Toothless reach the Smithshop. Toothless however is too big to fit through the tiny bars. Hiccup tells Toothless to hide, but a meddling Gronckle decides it's tough shit and picks a fight with Toothless, knocking him down into a ravine and a position where he can't help Hiccup. As Hiccup just manages to fix the rod, along comes Savage to take him before Alvin while Toothless just manages to fight off the relentless Gronckle but it still stuck in the ravine. Shit happens you know. 

Toothless has one inpreferable but unfortunately only option; he has to seek out Snotlout for help. Off he goes! Snotlout is trying to build a raft to get off the Island. He mocks Hiccup thinking his idea is so awesome, which it actually kinda is (not awesome, just smart). But Snotlout is an incompetent twat and the raft sinks as soon as he steps on it. He crawls his pitiful self back to shore to bask in self-loathing, comfortable in the fact that at least Hiccup wasn't there to see what a failure he was. Hiccup may not have seen it, but Toothless has. 

You're lucky you can't talk, otherwise I'd have to kill you.

Snotlout thinks Hiccup's hiding somewhere laughing at him, but Toothless keeps prancing around. Snotlout doesn't get what Toothless is doing, but after a little nudge towards a certain direction he gets the gist and rushes off with Toothless to save Hiccup. 

Snotlout arrives at the Smithshop, only to find it empty. He calls Toothless stupid for bringing him there, but then finds the connecting rod. An Outcast then attacks Snotlout, leading to an awesome double team where Snotlout and Toothless kick the Outcasts' ass. Snotlout thinks they make a pretty good team, he's also thinking about not giving him back. But Toothless ain't having none of that shit. They spot Hiccup being escorted by Savage, and they mount up to fuck shit up. 

Cue some sarcastic banter between Hiccup and Savage, Alvin saying it's must be his birthday and his dolts once again being confused, and Snotlout and Toothless spring their trap on their unwary victims. After another awesome little battle scene, Hiccup is reunited with Toothless and Snotlout chases after Savage, only to come face-to-face with Alvin. Snotlout falls but Hiccup manages to save him. They escape, leaving Alvin to vent his anger on his own men. 

Hiccup tries to tell Snotlout how they managed to kick ass together and even managed to bond a little, but Snotlout just mentions that he's hungry. Hiccup decides to go with it and says he's hungry too. 

Perhaps I misjudged ya, Snotlout.

Summary

So another awesome little Snotlout themed episode. Snotlout is the good old douchebag we love to hate, and Hiccup and him are always having amusing little arguments. But in the end, Snotlout is kinda in the right since Hiccup is always has a smug sense of superiority when it comes to Snotlout, but it's certainly easy for Hiccup since Snotlout is still Snotlout. But in the end they manage to kick ass and take names together. 

There was also a lot of pretty awesome fight scenes between Snotlout and Hiccup and the Outcasts, some great comedy from Alvin, and Toothless gets some pretty great moments. 

Another great Snotlout themed episode that managed to show Snotlout in a but of a different light. 

8/10

Dragons Riders of Berk Reviews: Episode 15 - Twinsanity

You know what we haven't got from the show yet, an episode that focuses on the Twins. Did anyone want or even ask for such an episode? What can you exactly do with the Twins for the plot of a whole episode? They're mostly just comic relief side characters, so what kind of plot could fit these characters? 

On a side note, we also get introduced to a new villain this episode. Interesting.

The twins are flying through a cloudy sky on their dragon Barf and Belch (it's a zippleback, so one dragon). They can't see anything in the clouds. Hiccup glides beside them and carefully explains to them how stupid they are. They're supposed to let their dragon see in the clouds for them. But they're slow in the head and don't understand what Hiccup is saying to them. Hiccup facepalms himself in utter disbelief and attempts to demonstrate the exercise in a way they might understand. 

To the shock of absolutely no one, they still don't get it and think Hiccup is speaking in riddles. They decide to trust themselves, which is probably the worst thing they possibly do. That moral doesn't work here folks! They both yell different commands to their dragon's heads. The dragon spirals out of control, and straight into Fishlegs. The three of them fall into a tree and shockingly don't die. Ruff and Tuff call for their dragon and once again disorientate it. Fishlegs makes some strange hand signals to Meatlug. 

GET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING TREE!!

Meatlug gets the message but seems to have misinterpreted Fishleg's signals. She grabs the Twins out of the tree instead. Fishleg's is proud that it worked, despite that little miscommunication which could actually cost him his life at this very moment. His fat ass cracks the branch he's on causing him to fall. Toothless manages to catch him in the nick of time. Hiccup is impressed by the hand signals and decides to try it out with the rest of the dragons. 

Back at the arena, the teens are trying out new hand signals they came up with for their dragons. Hiccup signals Toothless to shoot a firebolt and smile like an idiot. Astrid signals Stormfly to shoot spines from her tail. Snotlout signals Hookfang to annihilate a wooden wall. Hookfang annihilates Snotlout instead.  Fishleg's signals Meatlug to hug him. Ruff and Tuff signal Barf and Belch with two completely different commands at the same time, disorientating the dragon.  They get into a heated arguement, and they both give their respective dragon heads commands to brutalize the other. With thatthey take their leave, leaving their dragon completely confused and to turn on itself. 

Back at the main household, Stoick and Gobber are preparing for something. Gobber is trying to fit a belt around Stoick''s waist, which is very unpleasant for Stoick. Hiccup asks if it's that time of the year again, though not the time I'm thinking of. It's time for the annual signing of the Non-Aggression Pact with the Berserker tribe. Inter-tribal politics? I fucking live for this shit yo! But Hiccup is not so excited, as the Berserker Chief Oswald the Agreeable is bringing his son Dagur along. Hmm, Oswald the Agreeable is funny name for the Chief of the "Berserker" Tribe, something Gobber points out by saying that they haven't even been to war for 30 years.   

Oswald "The Agreeable" Chief of the "Berserker" Tribe?
An oxymoron if I ever heard one.

Anyway, Hiccup is afraid he's going to have to stop Dagur from breaking shit like he always has to do when the Berserker's come to Berk.  I can relate. But Stoick has a more important job this time, Hiccup gets to hide all the dragons from Oswald. Wait, what?

Hiccup is just as confused as I am. Why hide the dragons from this tribe that was at peace for 50 years? To Stoick, being at peace and being friend's you can trust are not mutual concepts. And considering that they were at war before, he ain't taking no chances. The Berserker's might see the Dragons as an excuse to go, "Berserk". So it's up to Hiccup to hide the dragons to prevent the fury of a very powerful tribe. He's sure to get crushed by the weight of such a responsibility, the logistics alone!

So the teens are off to gather up the dragons and temporarily herd the dragons off the Island. Snotlout asks if Dagur is coming, since he thinks Dagur is cool. Hiccup says Dagur once used him as a knife throwing target, and he also locked Fishleg's in a cage and force-fed him rotten fish heads. I hate to agree with Snotlout on something, but Dagur sounds awesome! The kinda guy you'd wanna hang out with (unless of course you were the one he decides to use as a target). 

But complications are on the way, as Barf and Belch are out of control without their riders. Hiccup and the others try to control them, but to no avail. Hiccup tells the others they have to get Barf and Belch under control before the Berserker's arrive, just as the Berserkers announce their presence. Hiccup tries to explain the disaster to Stoick, but Stoick is quite busy waiting to greet Oswald. Only to find out that his mentally unstable son, Dagur the Deranged, is chief now. 

Oh, Fuck me!

Stoick and Hiccup are both unpleasantly surprised at this revelation. Dagur is the last person they wanted to see come off that boat. Stoick wants to know where Dagur's father Oswald the Agreeable is, since he would probably be a lot more, agreeable. Dagur simply says that his father "retired", and that he lost his taste for blood. But he on the other hand, is starving. Stoick and Gobber don't like the sound of that at all, and they seem rather on edge. 

As they have good reason to be, as Dagur is not only unstable but also very well informed. He knows that Berk has dragons and asks Stoick where he's hiding them. Stoick clumsily tries to make it look like he doesn't know what Dagur's talking about. Dagur ain't stupid however, and says he has it on excellent authority (and who might that be?) that Berk is amassing an army of Dragons. A half-truth, but that half-truth is enough for Dagur to unleash his 50,000 man armada on Berk. Holy shit, Stoick and the rest of them have good reason to be shitting themselves in fear right now, because they're dealing with a very powerful tribe that just so happens to be run by a lunatic. 

Remind you of anyone?

Hiccup, realising what deep shit they could be in, rushes off to deal with Barf and Belch. Dagur demands a tour of the entire Island from Stoick. Stoick is about ready to draw his sword on Dagur for his insolence, but Gobber stops him before he tries to kill Dagur in front of the 50,000 man Armada. 

Hiccup is in a total panic. To make matters worse, he runs into Astrid who tells him they haven't got Barf and Belch under control yet. And they're also eating fish with Dagur heading their way right around the corner. It's the old ET routine where they have to keep the alien dragon out of sight. Dagur and Co. just barely miss the Dragon as they continue the tour. Hiccup goes off to warn his dad. 

Dagur and Co. move to the armoury to inspect the Dragon Killing weapons. Dagur is having a blast fucking around with the swords pretending he's killing helpless dragons. Stoick and Gobber are not impressed, Gobber commenting that he really puts a handle on the whole Deranged thing and Stoick ready to lose his shit. 

I'm gonna shove this sword up his insolent ass!

Hiccup is outside the armoury, Barf and Belch are on top of the roof. Hiccup realises he has to think like Ruffnut and Tuffnut, something that should usually be beneath an intelligent being such as himself. He tries telling them to fuck off, but Dagur walks out of the armoury. Lucky for him Dagur doesn't notice the dragon, but unlucky for him Dagur notices him. Hiccup puts on a forced excited greeting, reminding Dagur of the time they went swimming and he tried to drown Hiccup. Dagur laughs, and decides he's bored again. He pushes Hiccup out of the way. 

But then he notices that something's gone fuckey. Hiccup thinks he's talking about the dragon, and almost admits to having one dragon. But Dagur corrects him before he can do that, he was asking about Hiccup's leg. But Dagur goes on to explain that he knows all about Hiccup and the Red Death. Hiccup plays stupid and tries not to let on that they're training dragons. But Dagur ain't no fool, he knows there's gotta be something to the rumours. But Stoick comes back to escort Dagur to the Great Hall before he can further chew Hiccup out for his Bullshit. Another close call with Barf and Belch, and Hiccup decides he has to go get the twins. 

You know something, fuck the twins! I literally don't give a shit about their subplot, since Dagur is a fucking riot and that plotline is far more larger in scope. But this episode is 'Technically" about them, so off we go to the so-called main plot. 

So Hiccup goes to find the Twins, but only finds Tuffnut. Hiccup tells Tuffnut that he and his sister have to help control Barf and Belch. But Tuffnut complains about having a Twin sister he has to constantly share with... Blah, Blah, Blah, who cares? Next!

So Dagur and the Berserkers are seated at the Great Hall gorging themselves to a feast. Dagur raises a mug to death and glory in battle. Stoick and the rest raise a mug to his father Oswald. Dagur is not pleased. 

FUCK MY DAD YO!!!

After that cheery note, Gobber suggests signing the treaty to send them on their merry way. But Dagur completely turns the tables on them, calling for dragon's blood to use as ink for signing the treaty. Stoick tries to sweep this under the rug by saying him and Oswald haven't signed a treaty in Dragon's Blood for years. But Dagur wanders why getting dragon's blood is a problem, unless they don't kill dragons anymore. Damn, Dagur is pretty smart, and he's got Stoick by the balls now. Gobber tells Dagur that they've killed so many dragons that there's not one within 200 miles of Berk, except for the Zippleback that barges into the room and runs back out. Dagur takes it as a sign, a head for each chief. He riles up his Berserkers, promising that tonight they hunt dragons. Stoick tells Hiccup to find the Zippleback before Dagur does. 

So the Teens are on their dragons looking for the Twins.... oh fuck, not this again! I'm not all interested in the twins, I want to be where the real shit is going on! But the more interesting stuff will have to wait, as the teens find a cavern where both Ruffnut and Tuffnut are, not thing the other is in the cave. The teens try to convince the twins to accept each other's existence and that they're dragon needs them.... Blabbady Blabbady Blah! NEXT!!!!!

So the teens head off to bring Ruff and Tuff (after they tell them what's what) to Barf and Belch before Dagur makes Dragon Sushi out of them. But.... OH SHIT!!!

I'm having Dragon Sushi for supper tonight!

Hiccup and the others set down in the trees, they can't afford to be spotted by the Berserkers, leaving them completely powerless to help. Or well, they could just kill them and let their Dragon's eat the evidence. But how would they explain that to the armada? Nah, they're screwed, and Barf and Belch are screwed even harder.  

Or they would be if Stoick hadn't intervened on their behalf. Dagur is pretty pissed that Stoick would rob him of his kill. Stoick chews Dagur out for his insolence, and tells him they'll kill the dragon in the arena together. Dagur has his men drag Barf and Belch to the arena. 

Hiccup and the teens have a dilemma. The Twins are distraught that the Chief might let the Berserkers kill their dragon, but they can't really do anything to help. Snotlout just says one word, Annihilate. This gives Hiccup an idea. 

At the arena, Dagur is getting ready to cut off Belch's head. Stoick is going to put a stop to this, even if it means war. In a really badass shot, Stoick draws his sword as Dagur has his concentration on a helpless Barf and Belch and is ready to run him through, until Hiccup and the gang show up yelling "Dragon Attack!". The teens stage a dragon attack, fooling the Berserkers. Dagur isn't deterred though, he attacks with a spear which is then caught by Toothless. Dagur is awed at seeing a Night Fury. Hiccup steps in pretending to protect Dagur. 

Uh, didn't I try to drown you once?

The scam works, shockingly. Hiccup's not that great an actor, and yet Dagur falls for it anyway. Oh well, he runs off and tells Gobber to consider the treaty signed. Stoick thinks they won't be hearing much from Dagur the Deranged anymore. Foreshadowing!

Thr twins got their dragon back, Snotlout still thinks Dagur is cool, and Barf and Belch blow him up for that comment. 

Summary

So, the very first Twins themed episode. They failed miserably. 

But this was the introduction of Dagur the Deranged who is awesome! He's delightfully mad, and actually has more personality than Alvin does. How did Mark Hamill not end up voicing this character? Well, David Faustino does an awesome job with Dagur, and he's shaping up to be a great villain and he just stole this episode from what was supposed to be the main focus. 

So an unsatisfactory uninteresting Twins plot, but the introduction of Dagur more than made up for it. 

7.5/10