Dragons Riders of Berk Reviews: Episode 17 - Breakneck Bog

It's looks like it's back to the good old Father-Son relationships episodes. With a new dragon and a return of Trader Johann. 

Stoick and Gobber are on the back of Thornado and appear to be searching for something...... or someone! HUHU!! My first question is how the hell Thornado can carry 800 pounds of fat ass on his back, but there are more important things to ponder, like why is the animation suddenly downgraded? And more on track with the actual plot of the episode, what the hell are they looking for? Or who the hell are they looking for? HU-HU-HU!!! The suspense and intrigue!

The suspense is sadly lifted not even 10 seconds in, when Stoick wanders where the hell some guy is, also letting it slip that's he's late. Gobber asks Stoick if, it turns out, Trader Johann even has something he only refers to as "it". 

No, not that "It"

Stoick is 99.99% sure that Trader Johann has it. Taking the word of Jorgenson, who heard from Stevenson the Shepherd, who talked to Toldstadt the Fisherman, who heard from his father's, brother's, nephew's, cousin's, former room mate that he saw Johann put "it" on his boat himself. I wouldn't trust that rumor simply because one of them is a dirty stinkin' Jorgenson. Remember those dicks (I misspelled their names as Yergenson back in the Thawfest review)? 

Hiccup is not far behind helping with the search, but he tells his father that it'd be a big help if he knew just what the hell they were looking for. Stoick tells Hiccup that they're looking for Johann, and that's all he needs to know. Ooh secrecy and intrigue? I love it!

They set down back at Berk, feeling they ain't gonna find jack shit today and because Thornado looks like he's ready to quit on life. Gobber reassures Stoick that Johann will come with "it" in good time. But Stoick ain't having none of that sappy, cuddly reassurance crap. Hiccup decides to take matter into his own hands, he's gonna find Johann and bring "it" to his father. He'll flay the skin off that slimy merchant if he won't cooperate. 

Hiccup suits up for the mission and packs some provisions for what is sure to be a long and ponderous journey. He decides to start searching from the West. At least until Astrid overhears him and asks him where he's going. He makes a hasty lie, but she sees right through it wandering why he's bringing enough food to feed Snotlout's whole family. Who just so happens to appear at the mere mention of his name and proceeds to devour all the food Hiccup packed. Caught with his pants down, Hiccup lays it out for them. He's going to find Johann and bring his father whatever Johann has for him and he wants to do it alone. Snotlout calls bullshit, asking Hiccup where he'd be without Snotlout and the rest of them to bail him out. Just as he chokes on a piece of fish bone and Astrid has to bail him out. 

Oh the sweet irony!

Hiccup reluctantly agrees to let only Astrid and Snotlout come with him. But he will only allow them to come with him, letting Astrid and Snotlout come is as big a sacrifice he's willing to make. He threatens Snotlout if he tells the others. 

And this is Snotlout we're talking about here, so of course he tells the others. Hiccup is noticeably pissed when the others also tag along. The Twins want the salmon they were promised, and Fishleg's reminds Hiccup that he said they're best when they work together. To which Hiccup says to just punch him in the dick the next time he says stupid shit like that. Something Ruffnut is more than happy to do for him, and demonstrates on Tuffnut. 

As all this dick-punching is going on, Astrid spots a conspicuous piece of wood floating in the ocean, and what appears to be Trader Johann barely clinging to life on it. Snotlout comments that he thought Johann had a bigger boat than that. Hiccup retrieves Johann and lands on an Island not too far away. Cut to Johann making some inane ramblings about Fog and his ship being pulled out from under him. 

Hiccup tries to knock some sense into Johann, and asks him what happened. Johann only goes on some more inane rambling and says he was three days late and decided to cut a few corners which brought him too close to...

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Breakneck Bog!

The teens shudder at the mere mention of the name. They all come up with theories as to just what it might be. Astrid heard her grandfather say its pirates, Snotlout says it's haunted by a giant fog monster. This makes Fishleg's soil himself. The Twins back up the thoery saying the fog monster surrounds you, flays the skin from your very bones, then flays the bones from whatever's under them, and drops the bones for all to see. Johann says that's exactly what it is. Snotlout calls Astrid's grandpaps stupid as fuck. Astrid is ready to castrate him. 


Before she can do that, Hiccup tells Johann that they must find his ship. As there's something on board for his father that he must retrieve. So he's going to help Johann get his ship back and get his father's package, get two birds stoned at once. Johann recalls the package, only it wasn't for Stoick, it was for Hiccup. 

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Hiccup is taken right off guard by this, he asks who it's from. Johann is shocked Hiccup doesn't know, it's from his...

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Mother?!!!!!!!

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Oh Jesus, I apologise. But HOLY SHIT!!! This is a pretty big deal! When was Hiccup's mom ever mentioned in the movie? Just once, when Stoick gave Hiccup the breast-plate helmet. Aside from that, no mention at all about Hiccup's mother. I'm willing to call this the best episode in the series simply because it addresses the big elephant in the room that's Hiccup's absent mom. And it just makes whatever that package is all the more intriguing! 

This revelation makes Hiccup more determined than ever to find that package. He wants to know what it is, but even Johann doesn't know what is. All he knows is that it's in a chest with a Berk crest on it. Hiccup demands that Johann take him to Breakneck Bog. But having already faced what took his ship, he refuses to go. He threatens to slice and dice Hiccup with a knife in his boot. Ruffnut and Tuffnut watch with eager anticipation. But Johann admits he doesn't have a knife, disappointing Ruffnut and Tuffnut. But he still refuses to go. Hiccup tells him to calm his tits, and asks where he can find the bog. Johann tells him its due East, on an island in the shape of a hand. The bog is the thumb. 

With that, Hiccup tells Snotlout to take Johann back with the Twins. Snotlout doesn't like the idea. 

Back to Berk?

With this Dick?!

And those Dicks?!

Hiccup tells Snotlout to eat shit, he's going with the Twins whether he likes it or not. Fishleg's asks where the rest of them are going, though the answer is pretty obvious. Fishleg's has a look of such pure and utter terror, that I'd expect at any time he'd lose total control over his bowels. Off to Breakneck Bog!  

Hiccup, Astrid and Fishleg's are on their way to Breakneck Bog. Fishleg's is still stupefied and is trying to pull any bullshit excuse he can out of his ass so they won't go there. He offers to give Hiccup something from his mother, he even offers to give Hiccup his mother. Am I wrong for suggesting that that's suggestive? Astrid decides to fuck with Fishleg's and make him piss himself even more. Fishleg's wants to know if it pleases Astrid to see him cry. But that will have to wait, as they have arrived at Breakneck Bog. 

After a little scene with Snotlout calling Johann lame, the Dynamic trio come to the edge of a forest. After another little craven protest from Fishleg's, and a fair point about not going toward scary noises, they move in. Fishleg's finds a pile of bones and Astrid is nearly crushed by an anchor but is saved by Stormfly. They need only look up to see where it came from. 

There's only one logical conclusion......

FOG MONSTER!!!!!

Fog monster or not, Hiccup is going up there to retrieve that chest. Though the dragons won't land on the boat, they seem afraid. This unsettles Fishleg's, since they're dragons and they're afraid, so they should probably be afraid too. Hiccup and Astrid make a perfect James Bondesque landing on the boat, while Fishlegs falls on his ass. Hiccup sends the dragons down to the ground, and starts to look for the chest. 

Then a bone suddenly falls out of a foggy sky. Then a whole shitload of bones start to fall! The trio run for cover inside the ship. Hiccup tries to pass it off as a regular, everyday occurrence. But Fishleg's is, of course, inconsolable at this point and most definitely not stupid. Hiccup and the trio continue the search, and even Hiccup at this point decides he wants to get out of there ASAFP after hearing some rather unfriendly scraping at the sides of the ship. 

The search continues, Fishleg's is wide-eyed with bone chilling terror, and a fleshless hand that reaches for him from the outside certainly doesn't help ease his pant-wetting fear. He screams like a bitch and runs into Hiccup, whose found what he's looking for. Fishleg's tries to explain himself, but more scraping is heard outside, so they decide to hide and hope the Fog Monster doesn't find them. But it's of no use, it's now scraping at the door. Fishleg's tells Astrid and Fishleg's that he loves them, the door opens and...

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HA HA HA! Losers!

YOU FUCKING DICKHEADS!!!!

After giving Tuffnut a beating (with Ruffnut joining in), Hiccup inquires as to what the fuck is going on, it turns out the whole thing was a ruse. The bones falling from the sky, the scraping, was all just Snotlout and the Twins playing a prank on them. Snotlout then mocks them for being all scared out of their minds, though Fishleg's admits it was mostly him. Hiccup asks why in the name of all that is good and pure in this world would they do that. Snotlout says its revenge for leaving him with Trader Johann. Hiccup asks where he is. Snotlout says he's fine. 

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Those Dickheads!

Astrid tells Snolout that she ain't ever forgetting that little spectacle, and smacks him in the stomach. Just then, the ship falls out of the tree and somehow doesn't kill any of them when they hit the ground. Hiccup tells the group to run like children. Just then, a large cloud of fog makes its way into the ship. Snotlout says this ain't their doing, and Hiccup is starting to come around to the Fog Monster theory. The group is then consumed by the fog. 

The fog lifts, revealing Fishleg's hanging on to Snotlout for dear life, Ruffnut and Tuffnut thinking their dead, Astrid positively stupefied, and Hiccup's chest is gone! Hiccup is distraught that his mother's gift has been taken when he was so close to it. The others don't give a fuck and run away like the cowardly maggots they are. Hiccup tells them to go on, he's staying to find that chest. The others wish him luck on his suicide run and try to flee. Then Astrid chastises them for being cowardly worms, reminding them that the chest is from his mother. They still won't listen and are intent on running with their tails between their legs. Then Astrid tries to appeal to their empathy, and asks them, "What if it was your mother?". This stops them dead in their tracks, though doesn't make them particularly predisposed to helping Hiccup. 

 

Fuck you!

And Fuck you twice!

With the group under Hiccup's full control, he sets off after the Fog Monster. Which actually isn't so hard to find, since it's a giant cloud of fog that doesn't move like a cloud of fog. The group chases it, but it splits in two, forcing the group to seperate. By the way, there's some pretty good looking smoke effects here. 

The group manages to meet up in some giant ravine. They dismount, and the fog cloud gets bigger and starts to surround them. The dragons take to the air and appear to be leaving them behind (Snotlout admits he knew Hookfang never liked him). But the dragons are actually blowing the fog away. They reveal...

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Aww, they're adorable!

Hiccup tells Fishleg's that he should be relieved that they're just a bunch of little dragons. But that doesn't exactly make Fishleg's feel any better. Ruffnut wanders what kind of dragons they are, Tuffnut concludes they're smoky dragon buttpirates with eye patches, but Fishelg's knows what they are, Smothering Smokebreath's. The others look at him with one of those "Why the fuck didn't you tell us this before asshole!" faces, and chew him out for not telling them that he knew about this particular dragon and instead went with the Fog Monster theory. 

Hiccup demands to know what Fishleg's knows about Smothering Smokebreath's. Fishleg's knows three things; They're territorial, they hide themselves in a cloud of smoke, and he can't remember the third thing. The Smokebreath's attack, and being little bastards they're pretty hard to fight off. Two try to carry Tuffnut away. 

That doesn't look pleasant.

After a long fight with the Smokebreath's, Hiccup decides to retreat to safer ground. Fishleg's wanders why he won't admit defeat and run away with a trail of piss and shit behind him, but Hiccup ain't goin' nowhere until he gets that chest. Snotlout wants to know how Hiccup knows that the Smokebreath's even have it. His answer comes from a huge ass anchor being carried by an inconspicuous cloud of smoke. Hiccup wants to get a closer look but can't see into their cave. Tuffnut however has a spy glass that he's fucking around with. Hiccup takes it from him and looks in. 

The Smokebreath's are melding a bunch of metal together to make a nest impervious to bigger Dragons. Fishleg's remembered the third thing, that Smokebreath's steal metal to make their nests more defensible against bigger Dragons. What the hell did they use before humans came along with their refined metal? 

Hiccup finds the chest in the cave, it hasn't been melded yet. He wanders if they can distract the dragons so he can go in there and get the chest unchallenged. Snotlout as it turns out is holding a golden necklace. So they use Snotlout as bait for the Smokebreath's. 

That's it, Snotlout! Just look appetizing!

Snotlout?!

Oohh.

With the Smokebreath's surely tearing Snotlout limb from limb,  Hiccup and Astrid go in after the chest. But they're through with Snotlout quicker then they thought. Hiccup grabs the chest but is surrounded by smoke. Toothless rushes to Hiccup's aid and blows the smoke away with his wings. 

Hiccup got what he came for and decides it's time to retreat. However, the Smokebreath's are trying to meld Snotlout's necklace while it's still around his neck. Hiccup and Toothless blast the Smokebreath's away and pick up Snotlout. They fly out of the cave with the Smokebreath's not far behind. Snotlout refuses to let go of his shiny, but Hiccup lays it out how it is, it's either Snotlout or his Shiny. Snotlout chooses Snotlout. The rest of the gang throws anything metal they have to the dragons. It appears the Smokebreath's have given up the chase, until one tries to grab Hiccup's metal leg! With Hiccup nearly being dragged off by the Smokbreath, Toothless loses control and is about to crash, until Fishleg's smacks its ass back to where it came from! And for a moment is a total badass!

You will not haunt my dreams! Bitch!

Because I'll never sleep again.

Well, for a moment anyway. 

With the chest safe and well in hand, it's mission accomplished for Hiccup. But one last thing they need to do. They bring Trader Johann's ship and Johann himself back to Berk. Snotlout and the Twins lift the ship onto the docks. Gobber thinks they'll have to clear a whole forest to fix it. Stoick is thankful to Johann and asks him if he needs anything. All Johann wants to do is kick Snotlout and the Twin's asses for leaving him on a rock in the middle of nowhere. 

And now for the moment we have all been waiting for. Hiccup and Stoick have the chest in their house, and Stoick tells Hiccup to open it. Hiccup looks at his dad, and Stoick returns the look. Hiccup opens it and...

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it's a...

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Dragon Doll?

Hiccup is shocked to see what it is, as he remembers that doll. His mother made that doll for him when he was little, and it scared him so much he threw it into the ocean on a fishing trip. It got caught in a fishing net and Trader Johann contacted Stoick when he found it. Hiccup mentions that he was so little when an uncertain event happened to his mother, and now he loves the doll. Stoick feels his mother would have been happy to hear that. *Sniff*, God this scene is just perfect, right in the feels. 

Hiccup puts the doll on the top of his bed, and tells us in narration that sometimes we fear things we don't understand. His greatest fear was Dragons, but one became his best friend in a time when he had no friends, not even his father. Toothless tells Hiccup with his big puppy dog eyes that he wants to go flying. They fly through the window into the moon, the last shot of the doll sitting on top of Hiccup's bed. 

Summary

Oh my good fuck god, this is the best episode yet! Episode 13, you've been USURPED!! Bitch!! While the animation may not have been the greatest in the series, this episode had the best story of any of the episodes. They actually managed to create a really great mystery with what was in the chest Stoick wanted so bad, and the fact it was something from Hiccup's Mother made it all the more intriguing to find out what it was. 

And when we did find out what it was, god damn, it was just feels man! The ending was just perfect, the score in the background, and the backstory behind what doll, the only thing I think that could have made that scene complete was the piano melody from "Where's Hiccup" soundtrack. 

And the suspense when the teens are looking for the chest was great, as usual there was great comedy and action, Johann being left in the middle of nowhere was one of the best moments on the show. 

With just the mere mention of Hiccup's Mother, and that perfect ending scene, this is by far the best episode yet. Let's hope the show keeps up the momentum. 

10/10