Movie Review: Jurassic World (2015)

Is it Jurassic Park? Hell no, but Jurassic World knew it wasn't. And it's still a good movie in it's own right. 

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E10 - Mother's Mercy

This week on Game Of Thrones, Stannis marches on Winterfell, Sansa makes a daring escape (Oh shit, is that a spoiler?) Cercei confesses to the High Sparrow and must atone for her sins. Jorah and Daario set out to find Daenerys and leave Tyrion to govern Meereen. Daenerys crosses paths with some familiar faces. Jon is in for a nasty surprise. 





Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)





Well, that sea of Stannis fanboy tears has gotten even bigger! 

Ohh, yes! This pleases me. 

For as much as you pretentious twats love to call D&D hacks and character assassinators or whatever other stupid terms you guys use, you should consider yourselves lucky I don't write this show. If I wrote this show, I would make Ramsay defeat Stannis with only 20 men and single-handedly bring Stannis down shirtless and convered in war-paint. Then Stannis would become the next Reek. And I would do this solely for the express purpose of pissing you off. I give props to Dave and Dan for taking Stannis in a direction that has you losing your shit! Keep it up D&D!

But my raging hate boner for whiney bitch book purists aside, I like Stannis in the books and I'm definitely rooting for him. And whatever happened with Stannis in the show does not affect that in the slightest. Because unlike book purists, those dumb fuck imbeciles, I can separate the books and the TV show and love them based on their own merits. What all this complaining boils down to is, "This isn't like the books word-for-word, I don't like the direction the show is taking this character, therefore it's shit writing, D&D are hacks, they're worse than Genocide, they're butchering my oh-so-perfect precious books that nothing on earth could possibly touch because they're so god damn amazing and mindblowing and George RR Martin never makes a mistake but D&D are the biggest hacks in the world, blah blah blah blah blah!" Who fucking cares?! Jesus, this whole thing so far is just me hating on book purists. But can you blame me? They're. So. FUCKING. ANNOYING!!!!! OK, let's get back on track. 

So, it looks like Shireen's sacrifice has worked. The snow is melting, the storm has lifted and Melisandre has promised Stannis that the throne will be his, but Stannis feels guilty about burning his daughter and isn't consoled by Melisandre's bold words. To make matters even worse, it turns out half his army, including all the sellswords he hired, has deserted. Taking all the horses with them as well. As if that wasn't bad enough, Stannis' wife Selyse has hung herself. And if that wasn't bad enough, now Melisandre has abandoned him as well. With only half his army left and nothing to live for, Stannis decides to march forward. This is noticed by Brienne and Podrick, who decides to avenge Renly instead of saving Sansa. Who, before I forget, manages to use that corkscrew to pick the lock on her door and light the candle in the tower. Just before Brienne leaves to confront Stannis. As Stannis' army assembles for a siege, the Bolton cavalry rides out to meet them.Stannis was absolutely great in this scene. He saw it was hopeless, but he drew his sword and marched forward to face the Bolton's anyway. That's just how I would imagine Stannis from the books going down. Even if he lost, and Brienne (possibly) killed him, he didn't go down fleeing or begging for mercy. And his last moment was one of his most human. I'd say Stannis was done justice in this scene. 

Meanwhile, Sansa loses all hope seeing Stannis' army annihilated. She tries to find any way out of Winterfell, but Myranda (Ramsay's girlfriend in case you forgot) catches her and aims a bow at her. Reek tries to get Sansa to comply, but Sansa refuses. She'd rather die while there was still some of her left. Myranda is unphased, she'll keep Sansa alive because Ramsay needs her. At least until she gives Ramsay some heirs, and she doesn't need all of her parts for that. This manages to snap Theon out of his Reek persona. He throws Myranda off the parapet to her death. Realising their both fucked when Ramsay gets back, Theon and Sansa make one last desperate escape/suicide. They hold hands and they jump off the walls of Winterfell.

In Braavos, Meryn Trant is inspecting a new batch of girls for his pleasure. He beats them, seeing which one is the most interesting. The last one doesn't cry when he beats her. He sends the other two away and continues to beat the third girl. But then, the girl peels off her face. It's Arya! She stabs the shit out of Trant's eyes and reminds him who she is. She gives one last fuck you before she slits his throat. Damn, Maisie Williams just kills it in this scene. But, Arya's little assasination didn't go unnoticed by Jaqen and the Waif. It looks like Jaqen is about to give her poison, but he drinks it himself. Arya is distraught, but it turns out that man who just drank the poison wasn't Jaqen, but herself. As she discovers when she pulls off all the faces until she finds her own. She then begins to go blind. This is her punishment for taking a face while she was still someone.

In Dorne, Jaime, Myrcella, Trystane and Bronn depart for King's Landing. Bronn gets a last minute booty call from Tyene first, and Myrcella gets a kiss from Ellaria. They depart. Jaime decides to use this time to have a heart-to-heart with Myrcella. He tries to tell her about her true parentage, or at least I think he is, but is failing horribly at spitting it out. Luckily for him, he doesn't need to. Myrcella already knows and she's glad. In a rather heartwarming moment, she hugs her father and he embraces her. But this moment is cut short by Myrcella suffering from the poison Tyene injected Bronn with earlier. And it turns out, Ellaria had it on her lips when she kissed Myrcella. Looks like they'll get the war they wanted. 

Back in Meereen, Tyrion, Daario and Jorah talk about what to do about Daenerys and the city potentially falling apart. Daario and Jorah decide to go after Daenerys. At first Tyrion is insistent on going as well, but he's forced to stay behind and govern an increasingly unstable Meereen, with Missandei's and Grey Worm's help. As Tyrion watches Jorah and Daario set off, in comes Varys! Like Tyrion, I very much missed Varys. So that leaves Tyrion and Varys to govern a city rife with violence and corruption, something they both have plentiful experience with. They got this. 

Elsewhere, Dany is with Drogon, trying to get him up and moving. But like a teenager who just wants to sleep for another five minutes, he refuses to get up. After some humorous and fruitless attempts to get him moving, she just decides to give up and go find some food for herself. As she wanders, she comes across a Khalasar of Dothraki. She pulls off her wedding ring and drops it. Symbolism for her returning to her Dothraki roots? She just left it there so she could trapped? We'll have to wait until next season. 

In King's Landing, Cercei finally gives in and confesses to the High Sparrow. The High Sparrow accepts, but not before she has to go through the Walk Of Shame, where Cercei is stripped and is forced to walk through the whole city naked. This was one moment that I think most Book Readers were eagerly anticipating. And, it's a spectacular moment. Lena Headey deserves an emmy for this scene. She just kills it with her facial expressions as Cercei's pride is stripped away. I actually felt a little sorry for her. A little. And at the end, we get Robert Strong! The only thing I was disappointed with was they didn't use that amazing Atonement track from the Soundtrack. 

And last but not least, Sam asks Jon to send him to Oldtown so he can become a Maester. Jon agrees reluctantly, as he feels Sam is the only one he can trust. But, bet it as it may, Jon lets Sam depart for Oldtown and take Gilly and the baby with him. Later, he gets an earful from Davos asking Jon to send aid to Stannis. When Jon refuses direct aid, Davos asks him about the Wildlings, but Jon is firmly against it. It isn't their fight. Just then, Melisandre arrives at Castle Black. Jon and Davos ask about Stannis and Shireen, her sullen silence is all the answers they need. And I find her facial expressions interesting here. Is she feeling guilt? Is she perhaps questioning her own faith? 

And then we get For the Watch. Olly tells Jon that a Wilding has information about his uncle Benjen (From Season 1 in case you forgot). But Jon only finds a sign that says 'Traitor' and Alliser Thorne and other Night's Watchmen with knives. They stab him to death Caesar style with Olly delivering the final blow. As a book reader, I knew this moment was coming. But man, it didn't make it any less hard to watch. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
Mother's Mercy - 9.5/10 - I'm giving it a 9.5 simply because there was way too many cliffhangers. It was still a fantastic episode and a great end to another great season. Now I have to wait another year to find out what happens next. The Horror!
The Dance Of The Dragons - 10/10 
Hardhome - 10/10 
The Gift - 10/10 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E09 - The Dance Of Dragons

This week on Game Of Thrones, Ramsay carries out his little raid on Stannis' camp, forcing Stannis to make a horrible decision. Jon Snow returns to the Wall. Jaime has a long talk with Doran Martell. Arya crosses paths with a very familiar face. Daenerys hosts the Great Games in Daznak's Pit. 




Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)




This just in, Scientists are reporting the formation of an entirely new sea, comprised of the tears of Stannis fanboys!

Woe is them.

 So yeah, let's talk about that scene. Ramsay hits Stannis' camp hard, burning down dozens of tents and much of their precious supplies. As if things weren't bad enough for Stannis with the blizzard, being stuck in the middle of nowhere, hundreds of men abandoning him, now his situation is even worse! Unless he does something, his army will freeze to death and/or mutiny. And what he does brings him to a point of no return, and his mindless, rabid fans frothing at their mouths. He has Shireen burned to improve his situation. Man, this was such a hard scene to watch. Shireen was built up enough this season that her death hit you hard, and Stannis clearly loved his daughter. But, when he chooses his ambition over his family, it's heartwrenching. Hell, it's appalling! He's convinced that he has a destiny, to become king and fight the White Walkers, and he's willing to do anything to accomplish that. I don't think he's strayed into pure villain territory, because he clearly did not relish in that decision and I can see why he did it. But yeah, unless he slips into a deep depression and maybe even drinks heavily and constantly considers suicide, he's pretty much irredeemable at this point. And when Melisandre just smiles at Shireen's burning corpse, I hope for nothing for the worst for that red bitch, and really, this was all her doing. Her and her fucking Lord Of Light. If it wasn't obvious Melisandre and her god were trouble before, it sure is now. 

Now, if you've read any of my earlier blogs on previous episodes, I think you'll know that I'm a book-reader. But that I'm also not some drooling, mindless book nerd who resorts to personal insults against David Benioff and D.B. Weiss because I don't like the changes. Actually, that would imply I give a fuck about the changes. I don't give a shit about the changes. As far as I'm concerned, all the whiney bitch book purists who stoop so low as to personally insult D&D can all go fuck themselves. Sorry, but you're dumb! Take those books that are oh-so-perfect, and shove them up your pretentious assholes! And I'm saying this as someone who absolutely loves the books. But I forget myself, this is another change that I don't mind at all. Stannis in the books might not have done this (for all we know, he might. Since burning Shireen was George RR Martin's idea), but in the show, it took Stannis' character in a new direction. How will this effect him in the future? In the end, if the sacrifice works, will it all have been worth it? Will this eat his from the inside? Itll probably play out like a Greek Tragedy, and actually has some similarities with one. And I think that's what an adaptation should do. Adapt a story for the screen, but also explore some possibilities and directions that weren't present in the source material. More importantly, the writers should take the story, and make it their own. Like what Walt Disney did with many of his animated adaptations (perhaps an inappropriate comparison, given the entirely different subject matter, but it's the best example I could think of). 

Back at the Wall, Jon Snow arrives outside Castle Black with the Free Folk he saved last episode. Ser Alliser is at the top of the Wall, sharing a long dirty stare with Jon Snow. Instead of doing what he wants to do however, he opens the gate for Jon and the Wildlings. Oh and Wun-Wun (the giant in case you forgot). As the Wildling's march through the gate, Jon tells Sam he didn't save enough. Sam tries to console Jon by pointing out he didn't fail the very people marching through the gate. But Jon ain't feeling it, he's feeling the Night's Watch dicks giving him nasty looks even less. Ser Alliser chews him out for being soft-hearted. Jon, tell that motherfucker what you saw and set him and every other naysayer straight!

In Dorne, Jaime is invited by Doran to dinner. Jaime apologises to Trystane for what happened, and has a talk with Doran about what Jaime was in Dorne at all for. Jaime tells Doran about the Lion Pendant in the Viper's Jaws that was sent to them. Doran immediately looks at Ellaria. While Doran is trying to be reasonable about all of this, Ellaria refuses to even be in the same room as a Lannister, and calls Doran spineless for sending Myrcella and Trystane back with Jaime. Doran just gives her a cold stare, and threatens to have her killed if she doesn't behave. Jaime has one last request, that Bronn be set free. Doran lets Trystane decide. Trystane decides to free Bronn, on one condition. After a fun little scene with the Sand Snakes in jail, Bronn is taken to Doran and we find out what the condition was. Bronn getting punched in the face. You know, Dorne is improving. It wasn't the best at first, but it's improving. 

In Braavos, Arya is preparing to off that old fuck who bought oysters from her last episode. But then, she sees Mace Tyrell dock with Meryn Trant. She no longer gives a shit about her duties as a faceless man. She stalks Meryn all the way to a brothel. Meryn Trant inspects all the prostitutes they bring him, but they're all too old. Until they find a little girl that's just right for Meryn. Sick fuck. Arya goes back to the House of Black and White and lies to Jaqen. I'm not sure if he's fallen for it or not. 

And then we get to the ending, Daznak's Pit. Which, came right after Shireen's burning. Which is kinda funny, seeing as that was so gut-wrenchingly horrible, and the last scene is rather uplifting. We finally get to see the Great games in the Pit Of Daznak. There's some really great swordplay in this scene, and some great back and forth between Dany, Hizdhar, Tyrion and Daario. And then Ser Jorah enters the Pits, and I just love Emilia and Iain Glenn's acting here. And I especially love Jorah's fight. And in a moment that pretty much proves Jorah's devotion to her, he hurls a spear at a Son Of The Harpy that was about to shank her. At that moment, Dozens of Harpy's reveal themselves among the audience. All hell breaks loose, and our heroes are surrounded by dozens of Harpy's. All hope seems lost. Then, what's that? A roar in the distance? It's Drogon! I admit, it's easy to see here that most of the season's budget went into Hardhome last week, but it's still a damn fine scene. Even if it isn't the best CGI we've seen on the show. It's the emotions of the characters and the atmosphere of the moment that counts, and it's pulled off masterfully here. Ramin Djwadi's Breaker Of Chains theme fits incredibly well with this moment. And, this moment did happen in the books, and I think it's as good as it could possibly get. I for one am satisfied with it, and having Tyrion there made it even better then in the books. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
The Dance Of The Dragons - 10/10 - The burning of Shireen was a truly heart-wrenching moment and Daznak's Pit was every bit as great as I hoped it would be. 
Hardhome - 10/10 
The Gift - 10/10 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E08 - Hardhome

This week on Game Of Thrones, Tyrion spends some quality time with Daenerys (no, not what you're probably thinking), Jorah is exiled for a second time, but he ain't giving up just yet. Theon reveals a certain truth to Sansa. And last but most certainly not least, Jon heads to Hardhome. 



Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)



Well last week, Tyrion and Daenerys finally met face-to-face, and this week we actually get to see them interact, face-to-face. And my god, it's awesome! Everything I ever could have hoped for in the meeting of Daenerys and Tyrion comes to the screen. George RR Martin, I love your books, but man, you fucked up big time by dragging and dragging and dragging the plot out in A Feast For Crows and A Dance With Dragons. And I don't just mean that in relation to this scene. Well, the show is correcting your error, and doing a damn fine job of it. Anyway, Tyrion and Daenerys have a little chat over wine and have a great battle of wits, and they're clearly impressed by each other. Peter Dinklage is fantastic as always and Emilia has been great this season, and she continues being great in this scene. Jorah is exiled again on Tyrion's advice (at least Tyrion was nice enough to council mercy). But Jorah decides to sell himself back to that slaver who bought him and Tyrion last episode. Why? So he can at least fight for Dany's honor. 

Meanwhile, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, but seeing Cercei in prison, as wretched as a starved commoner, is just too precious! I especially can't get enough of that Septa smacking her around when she refuses to confess. But Qyburn visits her and gives her the scoop on what's been happening whiles she's been imprisoned. Qyburn says that Kevan Lannister has returned and is now Hand Of The King, and worse, Tommen is depressed. He refuses to even eat anything. Cercei wants to get out, but the only way is for her to confess. But Cercei, ever the prideful, insufferable bitch, refuses to beg the forgiveness of a lowly commoner. Qyburn does offer her a bit of hope, however. Fuck! Oh well, Cercei later has to lick water off the floor in order to quench her thirst. So that's a bit of a consolation. 

In Braavos, Arya has moved on to the next step of her training, she takes an entirely new identity as Lana the orphan Oyster merchant. She plays the part well, only managing to get smacked around by Jaqen once. Feeling her skills are adequate, Jaqen sends Arya Lana to the docks to simply watch, listen, and learn. What she finds is a douchebag trader who has a nasty habit of fucking people over. She poisons his punk ass. Jaqen is impressed, and giver her a new assignment. 

In Winterfell, Sansa chews Reek out for betraying her. Reek tells her he did it for her own good, he thought it was another of Ramsay's tricks (and honestly, can't blame him). Sansa is having none of it, she even goes as far as to say she would do to Theon what Ramsay did if she could. This finally breaks Reek, he reveals to Sansa that Bran and Rickon are still alive. Sansa, at long last, has a reason to go on again. 

Now we get to the ecstatic last 20 or so minutes of the episode. And I mean, holy titilating monkey butt fuck! Blackwater and The Watchers On The Wall are pretty tough to beat for battle sequences, but Hardhome tops both of them! And not just because of the bigger budget and improved special effects. This scene was all kinds of epic, that has finally brought the White Walkers front and centre. No longer are the petty power struggles south of the wall as relevant, and this episode lets you know that hard! Not only that, Kit Harington and Kristofer Hivju give stellar performances. There's actually a wonderful performance by Danish (at least I think she's Danish) actress Birgitte Hjort Sørensen as a wildling cheiftainess. Though her character is killed off in the episode, which I feel is kinda of a waste a great character. But honestly, that's really all I have to complain about. The fight scene is fantastic, and the appearance of the White Walkers was bone chilling. They continue to be one of the scariest fantasy monsters ever conceived in my humble opinion. But, this episode revealed that Valyrian Steel can indeed kill a Walker. Something only hinted at in the books, and much better revealed here in action than in some exposition. And last but not least, the final scene with the Night's King. Just perfection, as he raises the Wildling dead as a message to Jon and the others. Kit captures so many emotions, hoplessness taking front and center. 

This whole sequence never happened in the books. Once again, it was only hinted at and we never get to see what happens at Hardhome. But god dammit, this is something that should have been in the books! I don't give a flying mother fuck if this season has deviated from the books, not one god damn bit. And I've got a nice pair of balls for all the whiney bitch book purists to suck on! The Hardhome sequence and Dany and Tyrions meeting are things that really should have happened in the books, and this season is basically what A Feast For Crows and A Dance With Dragons would have been, if they had an editor. And I'm saying that as someone who likes A Feast For Crows and loves A Dance With Dragons. Though the season isn't over yet of course, but I'm not sure if the last two episodes can top this. Only one way to find out. Next week and after can't get here fast enough. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
Hardhome - 10/10 - A truly stunning battle and a fabulous pairing that hasn't happened in the books, the truth about bran and Rickon revealed to Sansa, Cercei at her lowest point, and Arya is advancing fast in her training. Easily the best episode of the season, possibly one of the best of the entire show. If not, the best. 
The Gift - 10/10 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10