This week on Game Of Thrones, Stannis marches on Winterfell, Sansa makes a daring escape (Oh shit, is that a spoiler?) Cercei confesses to the High Sparrow and must atone for her sins. Jorah and Daario set out to find Daenerys and leave Tyrion to govern Meereen. Daenerys crosses paths with some familiar faces. Jon is in for a nasty surprise.
Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)
Well, that sea of Stannis fanboy tears has gotten even bigger!
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| Ohh, yes! This pleases me. |
For as much as you pretentious twats love to call D&D hacks and character assassinators or whatever other stupid terms you guys use, you should consider yourselves lucky I don't write this show. If I wrote this show, I would make Ramsay defeat Stannis with only 20 men and single-handedly bring Stannis down shirtless and convered in war-paint. Then Stannis would become the next Reek. And I would do this solely for the express purpose of pissing you off. I give props to Dave and Dan for taking Stannis in a direction that has you losing your shit! Keep it up D&D!
But my raging hate boner for whiney bitch book purists aside, I like Stannis in the books and I'm definitely rooting for him. And whatever happened with Stannis in the show does not affect that in the slightest. Because unlike book purists, those dumb fuck imbeciles, I can separate the books and the TV show and love them based on their own merits. What all this complaining boils down to is, "This isn't like the books word-for-word, I don't like the direction the show is taking this character, therefore it's shit writing, D&D are hacks, they're worse than Genocide, they're butchering my oh-so-perfect precious books that nothing on earth could possibly touch because they're so god damn amazing and mindblowing and George RR Martin never makes a mistake but D&D are the biggest hacks in the world, blah blah blah blah blah!" Who fucking cares?! Jesus, this whole thing so far is just me hating on book purists. But can you blame me? They're. So. FUCKING. ANNOYING!!!!! OK, let's get back on track.
So, it looks like Shireen's sacrifice has worked. The snow is melting, the storm has lifted and Melisandre has promised Stannis that the throne will be his, but Stannis feels guilty about burning his daughter and isn't consoled by Melisandre's bold words. To make matters even worse, it turns out half his army, including all the sellswords he hired, has deserted. Taking all the horses with them as well. As if that wasn't bad enough, Stannis' wife Selyse has hung herself. And if that wasn't bad enough, now Melisandre has abandoned him as well. With only half his army left and nothing to live for, Stannis decides to march forward. This is noticed by Brienne and Podrick, who decides to avenge Renly instead of saving Sansa. Who, before I forget, manages to use that corkscrew to pick the lock on her door and light the candle in the tower. Just before Brienne leaves to confront Stannis. As Stannis' army assembles for a siege, the Bolton cavalry rides out to meet them.Stannis was absolutely great in this scene. He saw it was hopeless, but he drew his sword and marched forward to face the Bolton's anyway. That's just how I would imagine Stannis from the books going down. Even if he lost, and Brienne (possibly) killed him, he didn't go down fleeing or begging for mercy. And his last moment was one of his most human. I'd say Stannis was done justice in this scene.
Meanwhile, Sansa loses all hope seeing Stannis' army annihilated. She tries to find any way out of Winterfell, but Myranda (Ramsay's girlfriend in case you forgot) catches her and aims a bow at her. Reek tries to get Sansa to comply, but Sansa refuses. She'd rather die while there was still some of her left. Myranda is unphased, she'll keep Sansa alive because Ramsay needs her. At least until she gives Ramsay some heirs, and she doesn't need all of her parts for that. This manages to snap Theon out of his Reek persona. He throws Myranda off the parapet to her death. Realising their both fucked when Ramsay gets back, Theon and Sansa make one last desperate escape/suicide. They hold hands and they jump off the walls of Winterfell.
In Braavos, Meryn Trant is inspecting a new batch of girls for his pleasure. He beats them, seeing which one is the most interesting. The last one doesn't cry when he beats her. He sends the other two away and continues to beat the third girl. But then, the girl peels off her face. It's Arya! She stabs the shit out of Trant's eyes and reminds him who she is. She gives one last fuck you before she slits his throat. Damn, Maisie Williams just kills it in this scene. But, Arya's little assasination didn't go unnoticed by Jaqen and the Waif. It looks like Jaqen is about to give her poison, but he drinks it himself. Arya is distraught, but it turns out that man who just drank the poison wasn't Jaqen, but herself. As she discovers when she pulls off all the faces until she finds her own. She then begins to go blind. This is her punishment for taking a face while she was still someone.
In Dorne, Jaime, Myrcella, Trystane and Bronn depart for King's Landing. Bronn gets a last minute booty call from Tyene first, and Myrcella gets a kiss from Ellaria. They depart. Jaime decides to use this time to have a heart-to-heart with Myrcella. He tries to tell her about her true parentage, or at least I think he is, but is failing horribly at spitting it out. Luckily for him, he doesn't need to. Myrcella already knows and she's glad. In a rather heartwarming moment, she hugs her father and he embraces her. But this moment is cut short by Myrcella suffering from the poison Tyene injected Bronn with earlier. And it turns out, Ellaria had it on her lips when she kissed Myrcella. Looks like they'll get the war they wanted.
Back in Meereen, Tyrion, Daario and Jorah talk about what to do about Daenerys and the city potentially falling apart. Daario and Jorah decide to go after Daenerys. At first Tyrion is insistent on going as well, but he's forced to stay behind and govern an increasingly unstable Meereen, with Missandei's and Grey Worm's help. As Tyrion watches Jorah and Daario set off, in comes Varys! Like Tyrion, I very much missed Varys. So that leaves Tyrion and Varys to govern a city rife with violence and corruption, something they both have plentiful experience with. They got this.
Elsewhere, Dany is with Drogon, trying to get him up and moving. But like a teenager who just wants to sleep for another five minutes, he refuses to get up. After some humorous and fruitless attempts to get him moving, she just decides to give up and go find some food for herself. As she wanders, she comes across a Khalasar of Dothraki. She pulls off her wedding ring and drops it. Symbolism for her returning to her Dothraki roots? She just left it there so she could trapped? We'll have to wait until next season.
In King's Landing, Cercei finally gives in and confesses to the High Sparrow. The High Sparrow accepts, but not before she has to go through the Walk Of Shame, where Cercei is stripped and is forced to walk through the whole city naked. This was one moment that I think most Book Readers were eagerly anticipating. And, it's a spectacular moment. Lena Headey deserves an emmy for this scene. She just kills it with her facial expressions as Cercei's pride is stripped away. I actually felt a little sorry for her. A little. And at the end, we get Robert Strong! The only thing I was disappointed with was they didn't use that amazing Atonement track from the Soundtrack.
And last but not least, Sam asks Jon to send him to Oldtown so he can become a Maester. Jon agrees reluctantly, as he feels Sam is the only one he can trust. But, bet it as it may, Jon lets Sam depart for Oldtown and take Gilly and the baby with him. Later, he gets an earful from Davos asking Jon to send aid to Stannis. When Jon refuses direct aid, Davos asks him about the Wildlings, but Jon is firmly against it. It isn't their fight. Just then, Melisandre arrives at Castle Black. Jon and Davos ask about Stannis and Shireen, her sullen silence is all the answers they need. And I find her facial expressions interesting here. Is she feeling guilt? Is she perhaps questioning her own faith?
And then we get For the Watch. Olly tells Jon that a Wilding has information about his uncle Benjen (From Season 1 in case you forgot). But Jon only finds a sign that says 'Traitor' and Alliser Thorne and other Night's Watchmen with knives. They stab him to death Caesar style with Olly delivering the final blow. As a book reader, I knew this moment was coming. But man, it didn't make it any less hard to watch.
Season 5 Episode rating:
Mother's Mercy - 9.5/10 - I'm giving it a 9.5 simply because there was way too many cliffhangers. It was still a fantastic episode and a great end to another great season. Now I have to wait another year to find out what happens next. The Horror!
The Dance Of The Dragons - 10/10
Hardhome - 10/10
The Gift - 10/10
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10
Kill The Boy - 10/10
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10
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