Dragons Riders of Berk Reviews: Episode 12 - Thawfest

Fuck, I've been really slacking off lately. I was supposed to have this review done last week, but I was too into Game of Thrones and too lazy to motivate myself into doing it. I was also supposed to have a video out last week, but I was damn lazy for that too. Well, enough slacking, time to get back on schedule, if I can. But I make no promises. 

At Berk, the Vikings are setting up for the annual Thawfest competition. Hiccup explains to us in a narration that Thawfest is when Vikings compete against one another in a variety of games to test each other's strength, like axe-throwing, sheep carrying etc. And Hiccup, being the weak runt of the litter, has lost every single Thawfest he's competed in. And it's not so much that he loses, as who he constantly loses to. Snotlout of course. That can't be easy on the poor guy, since his father being disappointed wasn't enough already. 

However this year, Hiccup actually might have a chance to win. Since the Dragons have now become part of the Viking way of life, what's to stop them from becoming part of their version of the Olympics? 

So Gobber explains to the teens that Thawfest will now include three more new events. As he explains, in comes Snotlout with a chest full of metals and rubbing it in Hiccup's face that he'll lose. He honestly didn't need the metals, those was just for good measure. 

There a metal in there for "Douchebag of the Year"?

Snotlout continues his mental smear campaign on Hiccup saying his clan, The Yergensons, have never lost a single Thawfest competition in their recorded history. I wander if they ever get bored of winning, or if everybody is just so sick of them winning constantly that they feel like telling them to eat shit and get the fuck out! But I guess some people never get tired of being pompous shitheads, Snotlout being the epitome of that. He gives one last remark to Hiccup, that he'll do what he does every year. Bring glory to his clan, and Hiccup will embarrass his. Ironic that the last three letters of "embarrass" accurately describe him. 

Hiccup is at his house, prepping Toothless for the Thawfest games. Stoick comes in and asks what Hiccup's up to. He doesn't hide the fact he's very expectant of Hiccup. Hiccup gets the gist and says he's going to crush Snotlout in the games. Stoick is glad that Hiccup may finally have a chance to win now that Dragons are involved. So everybody basically loses sight of what the games are really about because all they're thinking of is dethroning the high and mighty dickhead Yergenson's. But I can't blame them really, it's about time somebody gave them some much needed comeuppance. 

The next day the Thawfest games are on. The first event is sheep-lugging, where the teens have to carry sheep to a finish line. Snotlout of course wins, leaving Hiccup in second place. I would think Astrid would have a higher place but apparently not. Snotlout rubs it in Hiccup's face, just as expected. You'll get yours, asshole. 

The next event is log rolling. The teens have to run on a log until there's only one left running. Once again and as expected, Snotlout wins with hiccup in second place. Toothless helps Hiccup out of a pile of rocks. 

Don't worry, we'll shit all over him later

The third event is axe-throwing. This one is all about accuracy, hitting the target dead centre. Snotlout, of course, wins once again. You'd think Astrid would have a good shot at this one, but Fishlegs fucks up and fucks her throw up in the process. As a matter of fact, Astrid would have lasted longer on the log if Fishlegs didn't fuck up there as well. Hiccup again comes in second place. Snotlout shows off by throwing axes backwards. How much more pompous could ya get? 

Snotlout's dad Spitelout (fitting name), mocks Stoick over Snotlout's victory. But Stoick just says, "Take a seat Spitelout". That shuts him up right quick. The Yergenson's may have won on the battlefield, but they haven't won on the verbal battleground. Gobber tells Stoick that he shouldn't let Spitelout get to him. Stoick says those Yergenson bastards have been getting to him for years. I cannot argue with this assessment. 

Hiccup tells Snotlout that he may have won so far, but once the dragon events come his foot will be so far up Snotlout's ass he'll be wearing shoes of dry shit. Snotlout, in his prideful obnoxious arrogance, dismisses Hiccup's threat and continues on about how awesome he is and how him and Hookfang will kick Hiccup's ass even in the dragon events. Hiccup tries to come up with a witty comeback to Snotlout's SnotFang. 

Tommorow you'll have to deal with..... HicTooth!!
Good god! It's finally happened! 

Astrid is shocked at how Hiccup's talent for witty comeback's has been sucked out of him by the vile, evil corruption only known as, Snotlout. She also wanders why he's getting all obsessed over kicking Snotlout's ass. Hiccup says that if he can beat Snotlout, he'll get the much deserved comeuppance he needs and maybe he'll finally shut the fuck up. After some more words from Snotlout's mouth, Astrid just says that's a very fair point. And she also agrees with me that it's about time someone dethrones those........... things. I'm not going to call them what I've been calling them this whole review because it's starting to get repetitive. But I honestly don't know what to call them other than............ things. Good god, it's finally happened!

It's a new day, and the dragon events are under way. The first event involves the contestants diving underneath horizontal posts, and the teens can't touch the posts. The other teens fail as expected. Even Snotlout doesn't manage to win this one. Hiccup passes with flying carpets. He earns his first Thawfest point, ever. He takes this quite well. He revels in the rush of finally rubbing his shit of victory in Snotlout's face. 

Mmm, smell that? Smells like Victory!

Fishleg's and Astrid find this disturbing, this isn't the Hiccup they know. They don't like this at all. What's wrong with you two!! I'd be telling Hiccup what a fine job he has done pulling the rug from under Snotlout's feet! And I'd tell him to push harder until the Yergenson's are dethroned and shamed like the worthless worms they are!!

The next event involves the Contestants free styling. Coming up with their own unique tricks. The other teens do about as well as expected. Although Astrid manages to put on a good performance this time. Hiccup of course has the best trick. Snotlout attempts an admittedly.... NO!! I will not admit it! His trick sucks! 

Well no matter, because he fails horribly at his trick anyway. Another point goes to Hiccup, and Snotlout's dad looks very disappointed. This pleases me. Hiccup continues to rattle Snotlout's cage about how's he's finally starting to lose. He also points out that Snotlout's dad is not looking very happy. Snotlout assures Hiccup that he'll still win. Hiccup tells him to look at the score board, it's all the evidence he needs to prove that he's an event away from getting his sweet comeuppance. Snotlout storms out. Astrid is disgusted by Hiccup's sudden attitude. What do you know Astrid! Even you said that it's about time someone beats a Yergenson! And besides, this is Snotlout we're talking about here. Anything to beat him is justified, even cheating. 

The next event is the shooting gallery. Where the contestants must shoot enemy wooden Vikings, but must spare friendlies. Hiccup once again passes with flying carpets. Snotlout gives a shot, but he insults Hookfang, who then proceeds to indiscriminately destroy all the targets, friends and foes alike. Hiccup gets another point, making it the first tie in Thawfest history. You really have to wander how no one gets bored of this event yet. Well they finally have a reason not to now, thanks to Hiccup. Who then continues to verbally stick it to a more bitter Snotlout. Karma's a bitch Snotlout. 

Oh yes! Drown me in the sweet water of your envy!

Astrid however is not impressed. She always liked Hiccup because he was a gracious loser, but he's turning out to be a lousy winner. Impossible I say! Anyone who can beat a Yergenson is a damn fine winner in my books! Even Hiccup agrees with this assessment. He tries even harder than ever to make Toothless into an unstoppable weapon of victory. 

Except even Toothless looks like he's fed up with this new, prideful Hiccup. Oh god, if Toothless ain't having any of this, then something is obviously very wrong! I admit, Hiccup is turning into a skinny version of Snotlout! But, who am I supposed to root for? Toothless and Astrid? They'd let the Yergenson's have the victory for the billionth time and let them continue their campaign of obnoxious arrogance. Hiccup? He'd finally dethrone the Yergenson's and make his father proud, but he'd probably become another prideful, boastful asshole like the Yergenson's. Snotlout? Well, Snotlout is Snotlout. And his family would keep their winning streak, and continue to be boastful assmonkey's. 

Not since the Battle of Blackwater in Game Of Thrones have I been so Conflicted. Hiccup is the Stannis Baratheon to Snotlout's Tyrion Lannister. Or should it be the other way around?

It kinda works.

Not even close, not even a shred.

I've decided that this comparison wouldn't work either way. At least in Snotlout's case. But it at least gave me an excuse to mention Game of Thrones. Fuck, I should just propose already and be done with it. 

But I suppose it'll have to wait. As I've still got this episode of Riders of Berk to review. 

So Stoick meets Hiccup in the arena for the final event. Stoick wants Hiccup to know that there's no pressure. Spitelout then asks Snotlout if he's ever heard the story about how Spitelout almost lost the Thawfest. Snotlout of course never heard of it, because it never happened. Spitelout is eager to remind him of that, and that no Yergenson has ever lost Thawfest. So Snotlout better damn well not be the first. Spitelout's a real dick, I can see where Snotlout gets it from. Hiccup looks a little conflicted about how to feel, as I do.

So the final event involves avoiding logs and climbing up a mountain to the dragons. Then they'll race across the sea past posts and cross the finish line. A clever fusion of the physical and dragon aspects of the games. Hiccup attempts to be a good sport and wish Snotlout well on the race. But Snotlout is still Snotlout. He really doesn't make being a good sport easy. 

So the race is on to decide the champion of Thawfest. Snotlout of course performs much better in the physical part and reaches his dragon first. Hiccup manages to catch up to Toothless and off they go. At first Snotlout is in the lead, and mocking Hiccup every step of the way. Big mistake Snotlout. 

Hiccup puts Toothless' new tail to good use. With a sudden burst of speed, he catches up to Snotlout. As Hiccup passes Snotlout......

What have I become?

Hiccup has a change of heart, and instead of grabbing the victory that's within his grasp, he purposefully crashes. Snotlout crosses the finish line and wins the Thawfest games. Spitelout cheers his son on (and I die a little inside. Not in the good way if that's what you're thinking.) Hiccup congratulates Snotlout, who replies that Hiccup put up a good fight, just not good enough. Oh Hiccup, why did you let him win? 

Because winning isn't what it's all about. A sentiment Astrid is proud that Hiccup agrees on. Snotlout continues to get his glory, allowing his family to keep up their prideful arrogance. But hey, they only make themselves look like asses and make everyone else look good. 

Well, that concludes my Riders review of the day. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to make my wedding gift. 

Game of Thrones, here I come.

Summary

After the last episode, this episode was a big improvement. It's interesting to see that the Vikings have their own little version of the Olympics and that it seems to be an annual event for them. The events themselves do kinda seem too small for an annual event though but that's just me. 

And we also get to see another side of Hiccup. Snotlout has quite a way of getting under his skin, and when Hiccup finally comes close to beating him he basically becomes a smaller version of Snotlout. That's what happens when you completely lose sight of what the games are actually about. It was great seeing a more prideful and boastful Hiccup, and it's completely understandable why he would be so boastful.

Snotlout of course is still Snotlout. But we also get to see why he's the way he is. His dad is an even bigger dick than he is. A great little bit of character development for Snotlout. 

This episode wasn't anything special and not up there with the greats. But it is a nice character episode that gives us a look into the culture of the Berkian Vikings. 

8/10

Dragons Riders of Berk Reviews: Episode 11 - The Heather Report Part 2

This review is a little late, I meant to have it published yesterday, but I was busy watching Game of Thrones. I was far too into that show to motivate my lazy ass into writing this review. To make up for lost and/or wasted time, I'm going to make a video about Game of Thrones next week. Be sure to check it out. 

And now onto the episode. Last episode, a girl named Heather came to Berk, she was a spy, Astrid had her pegged from the start, Hiccup handled the situation like a complete dumbass and lost all their documented Dragon knowledge to Alvin the Treacherous. Will they get it back? Will Hiccup continue being a dumbass? Will Astrid castrate him for trusting the word of a completely stranger over hers? Let's find out.

So the episode starts with Heather running through the woods, obviously trying to escape. She tries to make it to a boat, but it blows up. Astrid tells her that no one escape's from Alcatraz, and drags her ass back to jail. Astrid also gives Heather a verbal bitchslapping. 

Heather begs Astrid to let her go back to Outcast Island. But Astrid is not Hiccup and therefore not stupid, so of course she doesn't let her go. Heather then tells Astrid that she needs to get back because Alvin has her parents. 

...
...
...

What? Are the writers seriously pulling this card? I'll assume they're not, and Heather is just pulling this shit out of her ass to gain sympathy and she's the same conniving bitch she was from the previous episode. 

And besides, Astrid doesn't buy that bullshit. Hiccup probably would because he's a brainless idiot. OK maybe I'm going a little overboard with the Hiccup hate, but he dismissed the possibility of Heather being a spy for Alvin! He favoured a complete stranger over the word of his best friend/girlfriend!! He deserved every bit of my scorn then, and he deserves every bit of it now.

So anyway, Heather tries to bullshit her way out by saying she needed the Island to trust them, and Astrid says they don't. Not anymore she says, but she never trusted Heather from the beginning. And rightfully so. 

On Outcast Island, Savage and a few lackey's have to retrieve the book from the clutches of a Gronckle. 

You first, buddy.

A Lackey attempts to retrieve it, but the Gronckle eats the man, tearing the flesh from his bones and skull and using those as chew toys. Savage asks who's next. Since no one is man enough to try, Savage has to retrieve it. 

Back at Berk, The teens are training for combat with the Outcasts. They try out all sorts of tactics and tricks for roasting people alive. Hiccup praises the group saying they're gonna kick some Outcast ass! During training, Hookfang gets pissed off and Snotlout calms him down by hitting his horns sideways toward the ground. Remember this, it's important later on. 

Fishlegs then points out that Alvin ain't just gonna hand over the book and going into battle would be a good option if they didn't value their lives. So Astrid suggests just letting Alvin just hand it over to them, and says he'll probably hand it to Heather. Astrid ain't suggesting letting Heather go by the way. 

On Outcast Island, Savage delivers the book to Alvin. Alvin gives it a little read, but says he ain't believing it till he sees it. He asks what happened to Heather. Savage tells him she got captured, but Alvin clearly doesn't give two shits. 

Later that night, the teens have a boat prepared. Fishlegs freaks out over the plan, but Hiccup reassures him. Astrid disguised as Heather appears and gets jumped by Ruff and Tuff who fell for the disguise. Astrid kicks their ass, calling them idiots for falling for her shitty disguise.

Sorry Astrid, totally unconvincing

Astrid gets on the boat, and Hiccup tries to reassure her saying that they'll be shadowing her. Not that Astrid needs reassurances, but she gives a looks that says she appreciates Hiccup's concern. It'd be a nice little moment if not for what happened in the previous episode.

Back at Berkian Alcatraz, Bucket is bringing Heather some food, but he finds her cell empty. Worrying that Stoick will skin him and leave him hanging over the cliffs, Bucket opens the cell and investigates. It turns out Heather was hiding in the ceiling. She drops down and knocks Bucket unconscious.

You know, why would they leave a half-wit to guard a dangerous prisoner that's made numerous escape attempts? That's like leaving the launch button to a nuke with a monkey. Maybe that's why she escapes so often, because they leave Bucket to guard her. Idiots.

Heather then locks Bucket in the cell, and says she has to get to Outcast Island, and no quivering fool is going to stop her. She makes a pretty despicable villain, I'll giver her that. Bullshitting her way out of everything, acting like a snooty bitch to Astrid, using the boys dicks against them, the works. Especially that bullshit about her parents being held captive, I couldn't have come up with a better excuse if I tried. 

The Devious Bitch!

While that's going on, Astrid makes it to Outcast Island. Where she bumps into Savage and a few of his men. Astrid puts on her act, and Savage doesn't seem to know the difference. This could mean one of two things; A) He cared so little about details like her eye colour or the shape of her face to even take those into account now, or B) He's just really stupid. I'll go with A. 

So Savage falls for Astrid's disguise, but he tells his men to get rid of her anyway. Astrid protests, but Savage says they don't need her anymore. Astrid manages to convince Savage that they may have the book, but it's useless without an experienced rider to interpret it. Savage falls for her little ploy.

Back at Berk, Heather goes to Stormfly as she sleeps. After a little trouble with the tail spines, Heather manages to gain Stormfly's trust again. She flies off to Outcast Island saying she's going to shit on Astrid's little plan and hand her over to Alvin. 

After a little scene with Hiccup and the teens heading to Outcast Island, Astrid meets with Alvin. Alvin thinks it can't be that hard to use the book, but Astrid insists that he needs her to use the book properly. Alvin thinks it's just a ploy to try to keep herself useful. 

I say that's bullsh.............
Hey, you look different somehow.

Astrid just tells Alvin to give it a shot if he doesn't need her. Alvin hands the book over to one of his men and tells him to test it out. The Lackey then gives it a shot, but he fails miserably. Astrid then has to step in and save his ass before he gets disembowelled.  Astrid uses this as evidence that the book can only get Alvin so far. Alvin gives a look of reluctant agreement. 

After another little scene of Hiccup and the others heading to the island, where they have to fend off Wild Dragons, Astrid is shoved into the Outcast arena. She demands Alvin hand over the book. Alvin is pretty reluctant, but Astrid manages to convince him. Astrid now has the book and all she needs now is a getaway ride. As Alvin is trying to get her to train a dragon, this is the perfect opportunity. She begs for it to be a Nadder, but she doesn't live in a perfect world. A Monstrous Nightmare comes through the gate, and she has no idea what to do. Alvins eggs her on, but she's finding it difficult. But she suddenly remembers Snotlout's horn to ground trick. She gives it a try and it works! She gains the dragon's trust and Alvin is impressed. 

Astrid then gets on the Dragon and fights off some of Alvin's men. But as Astrid is about to fly off with the Book, Alvin presents....... Heather's parents?!

...
What?!

Um, no. Just, no! The writers are seriously pulling this stupid card!! Astrid even can't believe Heather was telling the tru...... NO!! I refuse to finish that sentence!!! Did you see the way Heather was acting towards Astrid in the last episode? Hell, her general behaviour in that whole fucking thing! She was being a snooty, manipulative, evil cunt the whole way through and loving every minute of it. A GIRL WHOSE PARENT'S ARE IN IMMINENT DANGER OF BEING EXECUTED AND FORCED INTO A SHITTY SITUATION WOULD NOT ACT LIKE A DESPICABLE BITCH AND LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!!!!!!!! GOD!! Fuck these episodes!!!!! Hiccup's an idiot, and Heather is now supposed to be redeemed because her parents are being held captive despite her loving every minute of fucking with Hiccup, Astrid and the rest in the last episode.  

You know what, I think I know what this is. Those aren't actually Heather's parents, and Alvin is just passing them off as Heather's parents. He knew it was Astrid the whole time and showed them to try to get her to cooperate! Or perhaps they are Heather's parents, but they actually are aligned with Alvin! Alvin, you clever bastard!

After another little scene with hiccup and the others waiting on the Island for Astrid's signal, Astrid has to give up the book for Heather's "Parents", but she sets a trap on Alvin, getting her Monstrous Nightmare to breath fire at him while her and Heather's "Parents" get away. But Alvin is no fool and foils her trap. He then finds out that she's actually in disguise (he just pretends that he's surprised, he knew all along).

Hiccup and the others are still waiting for Astrid's signal. Astrid shows up with Heather's "Parents" and flies over to them. Hiccup asks who the other two people are, and Astrid says they're Heather's "Parents" and that she was telling the "Truth". The Outcasts then surround Hiccup and Toothless. Cue some sarcastic banter between Alvin and Hiccup, and they both set a trap on one another.

Come at me Bro!

 A battle breaks out between the riders and the Outcasts. Alvin's manages to gain the upper hand and subdues most of the riders. But then Heather comes just in time to "Save the day".  When Heather lands, Astrid apologizes to Heather for not believing her. You fool Astrid! Heather is laughing at you! You've been played!

So Heather and the rest manage to fuck up Alvin's forces and put them on the run. As Hiccup orders them to withdraw, Alvin shoves Savage onto a catapult and fires him at Astrid. He shoves her off and they both fall to the ground. Alvin grabs Astrid as Hiccup pursues. Alvin then holds Astrid over the cliffside threatening to drop her. As Toothless is about to shoot Alvin with a fire blast, Astrid's Monstrous Nightmare shows up and saves her. She grabs the book and off they go back to Berk. Alvin takes note of how the dragon bonded with Astrid. He's now more determined than ever to get Hiccup and force him to spill the beans on training dragons.

Back at Berk, Heather "Thanks" Hiccup and Astrid for helping her get her "Parents" back. She gives Astrid a "Genuine" hug, Toothless a hug saying she's going to "Miss" him and Hiccup. Hiccup says a goodbye, saying that perhaps they'll see each other again sometime. I'd expect nothing less out of you at this point, idiot. Though to be fair Astrid has fallen for her scheme as well which she really shouldn't. Hiccup also tells Heather that if she needs help again, she should ask. Heather "Promises" to do just that. She gets on a ship and sails out of sight. When she's sure they are out of sight, Heather and her parents laugh manically yelling, "What a bunch of dumbasses! Alvin will be pleased with the info we got!".

You fools! You've been played!!

Summary

OK, that last part never happened, but honestly it wouldn't surprise me if that's what happened. I cannot believe the writers thought they could redeem Heather when she was so villainous in the previous episode. I cannot for the life of me comprehend why a girl who's in a bad situation act the way Heather does in Part 1. She was practically revelling in her despicableness. I heard that Heather might be showing up in Defenders of Berk, which I kinda hope she doesn't, since that might make my little theory legit. 

On the bright side Hiccup was pretty much back in character this episode, but I still cannot forgive him for ignoring a possible threat. But I'll put that aside for the rest of the series from here on, as he was just a victim of really bad writing in these episodes. 

On the even brighter side, Alvin is showing himself to be a clever villain (though he does fall rather easily for Astrid's disguise). And I'm looking forward to seeing more of his plots in the future. Also the action and the comedy was as good as ever. And Astrid is once again awesome. 

These were a decent pair of episodes that were just plagued with bad writing and poor execution. Hopefully the rest of the episodes don't fall victim to this.

6.5/10

Przewalski's Horses: An Animal Reintroduction Success

What's a wild horse? One of those Mustangs that roam the American countryside? No, stupid. A wild horse is a Przewalski's Horse.

Dragons Riders of Berk Reviews: Episode 10 - The Heather Report Part 1

Dragons Defenders of Berk has returned from a month long hiatus with The Flight Stuff, and I'm on the 2nd two-parter episode (if you count In Dragons We Trust and Alvin and the Outcasts as a two-parter) of the series. In this we meet a new character named Heather. Does this mean what I think it means? Let's find out.

The episode begins with Hiccup and Toothless flying, through what I swear to god is stock footage from episode 4. But it turns out they're testing Toothless' speed. Fishlegs marks it on a little sun dial. Hiccup asks how they did. Fishlegs tells them that they have passed with flying carpets. However, somebody is catching up to Toothless. Astrid gives Hiccup a coy smirk. Hiccup wanders how it's possible that Toothless is getting slower. Except he's not getting slower, Stormfly (Astrid's dragon in case you forgot) is getting faster! Astrid teases Hiccup, saying she's experimenting with what Stormfly eats.

But before this plot goes any further, Snotlout flies into the academy saying he's found something totally awesome. Ruffnut and Tuffnut guess it's their cousin Lars' severed head. Snotlout tells everybody to stop fucking around if they want to see what he's found.

He leads them to the beach, where the battered remains of a ship have washed up on shore. Snotlout stakes a claim to the valuable object inside. However it isn't an object, it's a teenage girl. I don't know if you know this Snotlout, but you can't just claim people as if they were objects, this isn't Islam! Anyway, Hiccup wakes the girl up and she is noticeably scared. She asks for water, and all the guys rush to give her some. Male competition, I love it!

The girl asks where she is, and Hiccup tells her she's on Berk. Toothless then squeezes in to see the newcomer. The girl is scared, but Hiccup calls toothless back. She comes out, as Hiccup keeps Toothless under control. She asks how he did that, and seems awfully interested. Can't blame her, since she probably hasn't seen anything like that before. Or, hmm, I wonder.

Could she be a spy?.............. Nah!

Snotlout attempts to make an impression on her by calling Hookfang over to him. Hookfang just flies away, and Snotlout just brushes it off as goofing around. He then tries to hit on her saying he rescued her, but Hiccup introduces himself and she seems more interested in him, saying her name is Heather. This noticeably pisses off Snotlout. Astrid inquires how Heather got into this situation. Heather says her family was ambushed by pirates, and that she was the only one who escaped. Hiccup tries to comfort her and tells her his dad is the chief. The group walks away, except for Astrid who checks out the boat. She thinks something's gone fuckey around here. Or perhaps it's just jealousy, I can't tell. Are the writers really going with this kind of plot?

Apparently they are, as Hiccup brings Heather home (leaving Snotlout behind) and lets her sleep in his bed, and they have akward small talk. *sigh*, really Hiccup? I thought you and Astrid were hitting it off? Or was that kiss at the end of the movie just a heat of the moment kind of thing? Why am I looking so deeply into this (If there are any lines that can be interpreted as sexual innuendos in this paragraph I apologise, they were not intended)?

Meanwhile, Astrid is outside with Stormfly, feeding her chicken wings. She plots against Hiccup, saying that by the time he figures out Stormfly is getting so much energy from wings, Hiccup will be eating their dust. But before she can keep revelling in that thought, Stormfly is alerted to the presence of a treacherous swine. Astrid goes to investigate, and finds Heather sneaking around in the night. 

It appears I am a very poor judge of character.

In the morning, Hiccup is working on Toothless' tail. Heather walks in and suggests that Hiccup make a shorter connecting rod to make him go faster. He is impressed with her knowledge of Blacksmithing and decides to take her to test out the new tail. Hiccup, you fool!

Astrid is waiting at the meeting spot where her and Hiccup were supposed to test each other's speed (I again apologize if that line can be interpreted in a suggestive way). However, Hiccup simply flies past them with Heather. Astrid gives one solid look of contempt and mutters, "What the Fuck is this shit!".

Back at the academy, Fishlegs is cleaning Meatlug's ears, Ruff and Tuff are sleeping, and Snotlout is trying to calm a pissed off Hookfang. Astrid is looking into the sky at Hiccup. Ruffnut says there's another hen in the rooster house. Interesting way of putting it. Tuffnut however gets confused. Astrid denies she's jealous, but she's doing a pretty horrible job at backing up that denial.

Hiccup lands in the academy with Heather. Astrid chews Hiccup out for not showing up to the race. Hiccup at first is dumbfounded as to what she's talking about, but he quickly remembers and gives a hasty apology. Astrid then asks Heather if she had a good sleep. Heather replies with a subtle bitchy tone. Astrid gives her a dirty look. She knows what's up.

I'm on to you bitch!

After that riveting exchange, Heather takes an interest in the academy itself. Hiccup explains that it's where they've been training dragons to become apart of their everyday lives. Fishleg's then shows her the Book of Dragons, telling her all their dragon knowledge is in its pages. She asks if she can take a look, but Astrid grabs it out of Fishleg's hands before he does something stupid, like spill the beans on all their dragon secrets to a complete and total stranger. And she drags Hiccup along to explain to him why it's a stupid idea. Hiccup however thinks its fine. Astrid tries to knock some sense into him and tells him she doesn't trust her. Hiccup brushes it off saying he trusts Heather and that Astrid should trust him. 

This might be beating a dead horse with a dead horse, but Hiccup, what the fuck?!

Heather then visits each male teen (emphasis on male) and asks them about their dragons. They each explain everything there is to know about their respective dragons. She seems suspiciously more interested on what their offensive capabilities are. The guys however don't suspect anything is fishy, because the only thing they're thinking with is their dicks.  

Astrid however doesn't have that kind of problem and she knows better than to tell Heather everything about her dragon. So Heather has to resort to searching for the Book of Dragons in Hiccup's house. She finds it and reads up on the Deadly Nadder. But Astrid catches her with her hands in the cookie jar. Now Hiccup will see her for what she really is!

It's Okay Heather. 

Astrid, lighten up.

Okay Astrid, that's enough!

...

...

...

Hiccup ..................... What....................The........................FUCK!!!!!


So after that, heinous display of, whatever that was, Heather sneaks out the next night and tries to gain Stormfly's trust. She uses what she learned and a chicken wing to gain Stormfly's trust. Astrid catches her once again, and this is where Heather shakes off the little miss innocent act and goes full-on bitch mode! She even rubs it in Astrid's face that Stormfly likes her! OOo, I wanna punch this bitch in the face!

Back at Hiccup's house, Heather is once again searching for the Book of Dragons, but she cant find it. She looks downstairs and sees that Hiccup has it. Which means he wised up and didn't leave it lying around, or he just needed it and would have left it otherwise. Seeing as how stupid he is this episode, I'm guessing the latter. Heather is unsure of what to do now. 

In the forest, Astrid is throwing an axe at a tree and talking to herself about how she's gonna bitchslap Heather so hard, her children will inherit the hand marks. Yeah, you go Astrid! 

And she might get her chance sooner than she thought, as she sees Heather heading somewhere in the forest. However, Astrid decides to follow her instead. She follows her to the beach where she meets with Alvin's Right Hand Man, Savage.

I knew it!

Savage demands to know what Heather has learned about the Dragons. Heather tells him she's learned a lot, and even better, she tells him about the Book of Dragons. As Astrid listens intently, Savage wants to know where the book is. Heather promises she'll have the book by morning. Astrid accidentally slips some rocks, but manages to hide in time. However Heather suspects someone's watching and head's off. Astrid heads off to warn Hiccup, well this is sure to get his attention this time!

Astrid, don't you think it's possible you seen something else?

...

...

...

...

...

Hiccup......

...

...

...


WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!


What the fuck is wrong with you! Astrid, one of your best friend's, your girlfriend going by the end of the movie, is telling you that this chick is working with your island's enemies!! And you're honestly going to tell her she just saw something else in defence of this girl you barely even know!!!! You're seriously going to ignore the possibility that Alvin has a spy in your very room?!!

Astrid, if there's one thing I know it's this,
Heather is not working with the Outcasts!

Well the joke's on you, idiot.

In the morning, Hiccup is looking for the Book of Dragons. And big shocker, Astrid barges in saying Heather stole her dragon too. Well good job Hiccup. 

So the Dragon Riders prepare to give chase to Heather. Fishlegs is panicking, thinking of what could happen if Alvin gets his hands on the book. Hiccup tries to reassure Fishleg's, admitting it was all his fault and that he's a stupid asshole. Actually he doesn't say the last part, he just says, "Heather, I can't believe it".

Oh Fuck you Hiccup.

But the others, especially Astrid, chew him out for being stupid, so it evens out I guess. Off to kill Heather!

Heather is indeed riding Stormfly, but the others catch up and Astrid hops on to Stormfly to give her that bitchslap she was talking about before. But Heather is a lot tougher than she looks and it turns into a prolonged fistfight. 

They cross into Outcast waters however, and get fired at by volley's of catapult fire. Astrid manages to knock Heather off Stormfly, but the book falls with her. Snotlout swoops in to save Heather, and Hiccup goes after the book. But the Outcast fire forces him to retreat. The book lands on Outcast Island, the riders retreat, the Outcasts flip them off....

and Hiccup tells the others that Alvin now has the Book of Dragons, and what an idiot he was. Will they get the book back? Find out in part 2!

Summary

Hiccup, what the fuck? What... the... fuck? All I could say this episode was "Hiccup!! Stop thinking with your dick!!!".  Hiccup has been so out of character this episode it's not even funny. And this isn't the only episode he's acted like a douchenozzle to somebody he knows in favour of someone he's only just met. In episode 4 with Torch, Hiccup treated Toothless like shit in favour of a baby dragon he just found. But you can at least justify that by saying Hiccup was trying to prevent the situation from getting out of hand, like with a lot of people's pets. But when Astrid warns him about Heather's association with Alvin, there is no excuse. His brushing off of Astrid's warning is completely and totally idiotic, and completely out of character for him.

Aside from that this was a decent episode. Heather makes a pretty good villainous character, and it goes to show how devious Alvin is. And Astrid is great in this episode. There was some good comedy as usual, and Snotlout and the others not suspecting Heather wasn't completely out of the question.

But Hiccup's idiocy in this episode really dragged this episode down, as it was a major plot point. A really stupid, poorly written one at that. Let's hope part 2 is better.

6/10

Movie Review: Ferngully The Last Rainforest

FernGully, a spectacular rain forest where a bat named Batty, whose radar has gone haywire, joins together with Crysta, Pips and the Beetle Boys to save their world from the evil Hexxus. Ignoring the warnings of her friends, Crysta, the curious tree fairy, explores the world beyond FernGully. She discovers Zak, a human who is helping to demolish the rain forest. Once Zak sees the beauty and magic of FernGully, he vows to save it. But it may be too late. The diabolical Hexxus is on the loose and is intent on destroying all of Ferngully. 

Remember this? That environmental animated movie with fairies and Tim Curry as some pollution demon and set in Australia called Ferngully The Last Rainforest, do you remember it?

Dragons Riders of Berk Reviews: Episode 9 - Dragon Flower

So, the last couple episodes focused on Hiccup and Stoick's much improved, but still flawed relationship. This episode takes a break from that and focuses on Hiccup and Toothless' friendship again. What does a flower have to do with it? Well, let's see.

Our opening narration tells us that Berk is a small Island right in the middle of nowhere and life is kinda repetitive. So when a taste of something foreign comes to the Island, the residents go a bit overboard in excitement. Basically, the opposite of US immigration policy. However, the narration goes on to say that New isn't always good, which sounds just like the mindset of US immigration policy, unless its foreign resources of course. Wait.

A ship is seen sailing into Berk, Bucket yells out that Trader Johann has arrived and wow, the animation in this episode is kinda bad. Even when compared to other episodes in the series the animation is bad. It does not look sharp and detailed, its looks plain and unrendered. I can't quite put it into words, but it's really noticeable. 

So anyway, a ship is docking in Berk. It is owned by Trader Johann, who travels far and wide to bring exotic wares to trade with whatever Island he comes across, Globalization for the win. Johann docks and is open for business. He also seems to know everyone quite well and says Berk is his favourite of all the Islands he travels to. But he is of course a businessman, and their words are to be taken with a grain of salt. And god is this animation bad!

Do I have to show a screenshot from another episode
for comparison, or is this good enough?

So everyone conducts business with Trader Johann. Fishlegs buys a botany book, Snotlout buys a mirror so he can look at himself and praise his own looks, Astrid buys an axe, Gobber gets a new pair of pants and Hiccup trades a winch for a colossal squids ink. Stoick trades for a Sword as a gift for the Chief of the Shivering Shores, and goes off on his ThunderDrum, which he has named Thornado. But Thornado is a stubborn bastard and refuses to fly, but he gives in after a little bit. Johann comments on what a magnificent sight it is to see men on dragons. 

Just after that comment, the most notorious dragon hater in the village shows up, very ironically. Mildew is straight to the point and asks Johann if he's got his,"Stuff". Johann shows a bunch of brown sacks. Mildew is satisfied and gives Johann cabbage. This is awfully shady. It's a good bet that he's probably up to something, but there's no way he can go any lower than framing the dragons for crimes they didn't commit. Just no way possible. Is there?

Just as Mildew leaves, a Terrible Terror is eating whatever is in Mildew's brown sacks. Trader Johann tries to get it to stop, but it just snaps at him. He grabs it by the tail and throws it. Toothless gets pissed and is ready to spill Johann's guts out. But Hiccup stops Toothless before he can fuck Johann up. And Hiccup's bottle of Squid ink gets broken. Johann assures Hiccup that'll he find another Colossal Squid and wrestle him another bottle.

At the academy, Tuffnut brings out a big ass statue that he traded his Grandfather's skull for. Hiccup praises Tuffnut for taking some pride in the academy, but it turns out he got it just so they could blow it up. 

Just as I started  to have such high hopes for you!

All the dragons start firing at the Statue and blowing it up. But as Toothless tries to take a shot, he sneezes and completely misses. He sneezes again in Snotlout's direction. Snotlout asks Hiccup if he can get his dragon to cover his mouth while he sneezes. Because Snotlout, dragons can't cover their mouths when they sneeze. And besides, Hiccup finds it odd that Toothless appears to be sick, as he keeps sneezing and getting disorientated. 

Just as Hiccup starts to examine what's wrong with Toothless, a certain Terrible Terror crashes by them and seems to be sick like Toothless is. And this very same Terror was eating whatever was in Mildew's sacks. Is Mildew resorting to Biological Warfare? That whore!

Gobber cooks up some soup for Toothless to drink, but the other dragons seem to have caught whatever is spreading around. Hiccup and Astrid are desperate for a solution, Gobber suggests they consult Gothi, the village wise woman. 

Gothi inspects Toothless, and throws some bones on the floor in some kind of strange ritual. Astrid comments on how Gothi can tell when people will die just by looking at their finger nails. Fishlegs is terrified and hides his nails. Gobber corrects Astrid, saying she looks at their tongues. After that, Gothi starts drawing lines in some sand. Gobber translates, the dragons are reacting to something they're allergic to. Gothi continues drawing, but Gobber messes up the translation.

I did not say a moose wearing boots Dammit!

Gothi goes on to say that the dragons are reacting to something new on the Island, and that they have to get rid of everything they got from Trader Johann. So the village heads off to throw everything they bought from Johann into a pit. They are all, understandably, not happy about this. Especially Snotlout who now can't bask in his own narcissism, and Fishlegs who can't finish his botany book. 

Gobber hasn't thrown anything in, and he fights to keep his new underwear. But Hiccup demands he give it up. He gives in and throws his underwear into the pile. Hiccup comments that he could have gone his whole life without seeing that. 

Hiccup wakes up the next morning, and Toothless hasn't got any better, as a matter of fact he's probably gotten shittier. The other dragons are doing pretty shitty as well. Stormfly accidentally shoots spines at Astrid, and Meatlug farts in Fishleg's face. Wait, what do farts have to do with a cold?

The teens tell Hiccup that the dragons are just getting worse. Hiccup suspects that some dirty snitch is holding out on giving up their shit. Snotlout is ready to kick the ass of whoever refuses to give their shit up. Tuffnut and Ruffnut say they're dragon's dead. Everyone gasps in horror, but it turns out they're just goofing around. But they're disappointed that he won't blow anything up.

They must be Michael Bay fans.

Stoick returns from his trip to the Shivering Shores. He sees that the dragons aren't looking in tip top shape, and asks Hiccup what's going on. Hiccup informs Stoick that the Dragons are sick. Stoick and Hiccup check up on Toothless. But suddenly they hear Thornado sneezing. They only just got back and Thornado was just fine till then. This bitch spreads fast yo!

So the group searches the area for clues or anything unusual. Ruffnut and Tuffnut ram into each other trying to see stars. The group don't find this unusual. What they do find unusual, is a blue flower that a Terror is chewing on. Fishlegs comments on the flower, saying its a blue Oleander, that's poisonous to reptiles, and in extent, Dragons. Hiccup sends Fishlegs to collect his Botany Book.

After wandering where the hell these flowers came from, Tuffnut tells Hiccup that he saw Mildew planting the flowers the other night. That wrinkly old bastard. Stoick decides to pay Mildew a visit and most likely tan his worthless hide. But Mildew has the perfect excuse. He says he bought the flowers, not knowing they had special properties. Stoick realises that he's got nothing to convict him with, and backs down. Mildew comments on the poor dragons as they leave and gives an evil smile. 

Mildew, Mildew, Mildew.
Stooping to a low, no others will go.

Fishlegs returns with his Botany book, but is crying. This can't be good. Fishlegs explains that his Botany book doesn't have anymore useful info, but he read in the Book of Dragons that the Scauldron eats the blue oleander. The Scauldron is the dragon that shoots boiling, skin-melting water that was mentioned in the movie. And we now get to see it. Sweet. 

Fishlegs goes on to say that in a perfect world, they can use the Scauldron's venom as an antidote. But he says that they don't live in a perfect world, as the book says that Scauldron's don't have venom. But apparently they actually do live in a perfect world, as Gobber states that Scauldron's in fact DO have venom. Which I find questionable. Isn't skin melting water enough for it? What does it need Venom for? To hunt large animals like whales perhaps? 

With that, Hiccup decides to take Stoick and Gobber and catch themselves a Scauldron. Hiccup checks in on Toothless, and Stoick checks in on Thornado. He places a pillow underneath Thornado's head and mutters a great line, "I spent my whole life trying to kill them, now look at me".  Hiccup comes to get Stoick, and Stoick looks kinda reluctant to leave Thornado's side, which is a great development. But off they must go, for the dragons don't have much time left.

To lighten up the mood a little, they decide to drag Mildew along since he is the cause of all this, whether intentional or not (we, the audience, know it is of course). Mildew of course complains about it, but Stoick tells him to roll over and deal with it, since they're all out there because of him. But Mildew continues to complain saying they can't blame him everytime something goes wrong with the dragons. 

Shut up old Fuck! We'll blame you for whatever we feel
like blaming you for!

Stoick and Gobber lay out the plan, they're going to draw the Scauldron onto the boat and wedge its jaws open. Hiccup will get the poison into a bucket. With the plan finalised, Hiccup throws flowers into the ocean to draw a Scauldron to them. Hours pass and nothing shows up. Mildew tries to discourage everyone, saying it was a stupid idea. But a Scauldron arrives, and Hiccup throws flowers onto the deck. Mildew objects, but everybody does the smart thing and does the opposite of what Mildew says. Or is it really that smart to draw a 60 foot oceanic reptile onto your ship? Maybe Mildew has a bit of a point. I can't believe I just said that.

The crew prepare to hoist the dragon in, but the Scauldron attacks the ship trying to get the flowers. Stoick and Gobber pin it to the ship and a redshirt named Sven tries to get the poison. The Scauldron smacks his ass 50 feet into the air with its tail. But Hiccup and the others manage to pull it on board and use the mast to wedge his jaw open. Mildew is standing behind the mast and now must get the poison. He refuses, but Stoick threatens him into doing it. But before he can, the Scauldron starts to spray its boiling water. The Vikings take cover, and have to let the Scauldron go. But it sees that Mildew has a flower on his back, and it bites him in the ass and leaves. Hiccup thinks the cause is over, but Mildew has poison in his ass, so its not lost after all. 

Your suffering pleases me.

Back at the village, Stoick and Gobber have to get the poison out of Mildew's ass. Mildew screams like a madman from the pain. Astrid says that's the sound of their dragon's getting better. Gobber is traumatised by the sight of Mildew's bare ass. He's seen Nadder's spines slice through men's eyes, a Monstrous Nightmare devoured his arm, but he's still never seen anything so disturbing as Mildew's ass. Must be quite the terrifying sight. 

Hiccup takes the antidote to the Dragons. Stoick paces around impatiently, but the Dragons start to come around. A little too quickly of you ask me, but who cares, we get to see Stoick playfully headbutt Thornado and Toothless gets better. We then cut to Hiccup drawing Toothless, and Hiccups says in the narration that a Deadly flower, a venomous sea dragon and Mildew's ass are three things he never thought he would have to deal with in one day. But in the end, he'll do anything for Toothless.

Summary

This was another great episode! I really like the idea that Dragon's, while very powerful animals, are still vulnerable. And this was a great focus on Hiccup and Toothless' relationship. Hiccup will do anything if his best friend's life is on the line. And we also get to see some development on Stoick and Thornado's relationship, which is great to see. Trader Johann is a pretty interesting character, Mildew shows that there's truly no low he won't stoop to. But he gets some glorious comeuppance. And the action scene in the end was very exciting, the Scauldron is an awesome dragon, and it reminded me quite a lot of Jaws. 

The only downside in this episode is that the animation is bad. Episode's 8 and 4 had not too great animation, but it was a lot better than the animation in this episode. I can't quite describe it, but you'll know it when you see it. 

So another great episode that was kinda brought down by its bad animation, but still a great episode. 

8.5/10