Stoick steps into view of the camera and shouts "Don't let him escape!". Hiccup appears to be chasing a man through the village, and he can't believe how fast the sucker moves. Who are they chasing? An Outcast? A Rapist? Some creepy uncle? Hiccup and Astrid manage to box their pray into a corner. It turns out that the escapee is Gobber, whose trying to escape being forced to have a bath. Gobber smells like shit but he claims that's a god damned badge of honour, and he ain't letting them soil his honour.
He smells so terrible that he makes a Terrible Terror wanna mercifully drop dead. Fishlegs is fishing water out of the well for Gobber's bath. Stoick tells Gobber to get his reeking ass into the tub, reassuring him that it's for his own good. Hiccup thinks it's actually for the good of the town. Snotlout commands Hookfang to seize Gobber and throw him into the tub. Hookfang throws Snotlout into the tub instead. Snotlout gets pissed at Hookfang for doing the exact opposite of what he says for the 500 billionth time. He asks Hookfang if this gets old for him.
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| Nah! It never gets old. |
After some tactical manoeuvring, Hiccup and Astrid get Gobber into the tub with Stoick holding him there. Fishlegs brings a bucket and pours practically nothing's worth of water. Gobber makes a look a puppy might make when it fells it got out of trouble. Stoick tells Fishlegs he's gonna have to do better than that. Fishlegs says that the well is dried up.
Stoick and Hiccup go to check out the well. Stoick is incredibly confused, they only just dug that well two summer ago. There's no way it could be all dried up. With their main source of water dried up, Stoick says they have to dig a new well and ration water. Which also means no baths, something Gobber is very pleased to hear (but Hiccup is not).
Hiccup decides the Dragon Academy could help out a lot with the water rationing and assigns the rest of the crew to doing just that. Ruff and Tuff get to fill up the tub at Lar's Lake, only they don't think to use their dragon to do it and tell Hiccup it'll take a few weeks. Astrid and Snotlout will go to the Mountain Streams to fill up canteens. Snotlout flirts with Astrid, who proceeds to kick his ass. Hiccup and Fishlegs are going to find out what going on at the well. Fishlegs however claims that he and Meatlug don't do well in tight spaces.
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| Surrounded by cravens, morons, and simpletons. How the hell did I get here? |
At the Mountain Stream (though it looks awfully like the cove from the movie), Snotlout and Astrid are filling the canteens. Snotlout has been thinking, but Astrid tells him that if he's thinking it can't mean anything good. Turns out she's right. Snotlout doesn't want to just give water out, that's for socialist pigs.In Snotlout's mind this ain't no god damn welfare state. He's gonna charge the thirsty people of Berk for all their water, claiming it's simple supply and demand. Isn't capitalism wonderful?
Back at the well, Hiccup is tied to a rope that's tied to Meatlug who is lowering Hiccup into the well so he can inspect it. Hiccup finds that the water level was pretty high, and not even very long ago. He tells Fishlegs to lower him to the bottom, but Fishlegs objects. He thinks it looks awfully dark and scary down in the well. Hiccup asks him if his balls dropped yet. Fishlegs gets Meatlug to lower Hiccup further in. However, the whole operation is fucked up the ass by Meatlug when she tries to eat from a barrel of rocks nearby. The rope snaps, sending Hiccup plummeting down the well. Toothless goes in after him.
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| Meatluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu.....................!!! |
Hiccup falls to the bottom of the well and surprisingly doesn't die or get some serious injury. Toothless then crashes into Hiccup head-on and Hiccup, once again, surprisingly doesn't die or get a serious injury. Hiccup checks Toothless to see if he's alright, Toothless gives him a lick on the face. He's fine. Stoick and Fishlegs are at the top of the well and tell Hiccup they're going to get him out. Hiccup tells them the wells too narrow for toothless to fly back up so he's just going to do some exploring. Fishlegs tries to reassure Stoick, albeit unsuccessfully.
Hiccup and Toothless are exploring a rather conspicuous set of tunnels leading around underground Berk. Hiccup also has that funny feeling that they're not alone down there, right before a near fully grown Whispering Death tunnels unnoticed behind them. Hiccup and Toothless then stumble on the cave with the Whispering Death eggs. Hiccup finds the Outcast box and finds out quick enough that this is the Outcasts' handiwork. The box was probably left there as more salt in the wound, like they're saying "Yeah, didn't see that coming did you?". Hiccup also discovers the abnormally large tunnel, he doesn't even want to know what made that, nor would I.
Back at the village, Gobber is giving out water from the tub and Snotlout is going ahead with his plan to charge people for water. He rubs it in Astrid's face that he has a cart full of loot and she's got nothing. Astrid however doesn't give a shit about having loot, she's pissed at Snotlout for being a opportunistic capitalist scum taking advantage of innocent people. She also reminds him this shit ain't what Hiccup had in mind, only for Snotlout to point that's the difference between Hiccup and Snotlout. Hiccup's intelligent and compassionate, Snotlout's a stupid asshole and opportunistic. Astrid says that's only the tip of the iceberg and throws canteens to the people in Snotlout's line for free, cutting into Snotlout's profits.
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| This ain't no god damn welfare state, socialist pigdog! |
Why do I get the sudden urge to see a Fox News review of this episode?
Back underneath Berk, Hiccup and Toothless are still xplorin'. They find the exit blocked by rocks and an extremely pissed off Whispering Death. Hiccup tries to find another way out, only to bee surrounded by two more WD's. The chase continues, but the WD's disappear up one of their tunnels towards the town. Hiccup and Toothless pursue them.
Back in the town, Gustav feels tremors from beneath. He looks into a bucket of water in a subtle reference to Jurassic Park, then is nearly devoured by one of the Whispering Death's. Gobber manages to intervene in time and sends the WD packing. It's not utter chaos in the village, people are panicking, Stoick grab an axe from a villager and gives him a horn, Snotlout loses all his loot and is being pulled under the ground. Hookfang moves in.
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| -Hookfang, help!! -I can help you, but will I? |
No, Hookfang saves Snotlout. The riders are giving shit to the WD's and Stoick is being a badass kicking their asses with a large ass log. But even he can't stand up against three WD's, he's bringing in Thornado. Astrid wants to know where they came from and why they're smaller, Fishlegs tells her that they're hatchlings and probably more dangerous than adults. They're kinda like out of control five year olds you would see at the mall. Man it gets really awkward when that happens, I feel awfully sorry for the parents when that happens. Which is why I'm never having kids, they're so obnoxious. Hey! Don't use that bullshit excuse "You were a kid once!", I was a kid once asshole! And when I look back I realise how stupid I was as a kid. Times have changed and I'm much more sophisticated now, assmongrel.
What was I even talking about? Oh yeah, the episode. So Toothless is doing that batty sound shit from We Are Family (nice to see that hasn't been forgotten or glossed over) and they find their way back into the town. Hiccup witnesses the chaos and rushes to intervene. Astrid is giving shit and tells the Twins to do something, but they're just being useless and watching and revelling in all the chaos.
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| Look at all that chaos, death and destruction. Those guts littered all over the ground, it's so beautiful, I could sleep with it. |
The twins are flushed back into reality however when a WD tries to kill them. They force it into it's tunnel, then Snotlout drives it out. He wants revenge for his water and lost loot. Hiccup lands and runs into Gobber's shop, Toothless scraps with a nearby WD. Hiccup pulls out his ornate Gronckle Iron Shield and uses the light to blind them. The teens begin to herd the Whispering Deaths away from the village.
The Whispering Death's are herded away from the village. Tuffnut is going to miss them, he thinks they're dangerous but cool, like him. Only not so much the last part, and even the first part is questionable. Hiccup however thinks this shit ain't over yet, Snotlout tells him to stop getting his titties in a twist and to buy some water. Then, they start to feel a larger tremor than before. Suspenseful, scary music builds, Fishlegs is pissing his pants and is all like "What the fuck is that?". A dragons bursts from the ground.
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| Oh we are so fucked. |
Hiccup asks Fishlegs is there's any mention of this dragon in the book of dragons. Fishlegs has never recalled reading about a titan-sized, white Whispering Death with red eyes that burn a hole in your very soul. Hiccup decides to blast its ass, but that only pisses it off. It makes a long screaming sound that disorientates the dragons. Tuff dubs it as the "Screaming Death". The other Whispering Deaths return to fuck some more shit up. Hiccup sends the others to deal with the Whispering Deaths while he deals with the Screaming Death. Snotlout's all like "Yeah that's great, have fun with that. Bye!".
As the others herd the WD's away again, The Screaming Death causes havoc and is about to devour a helpless villager. Hiccup blasts its ass again, but hasn't he learned by now that it's only going to piss it off. The Screaming Death blasts back and knocks Toothless and Hiccup out of the sky. As its about to unleash its full fury on Hiccup.....
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| AH FUCK!!!! |
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| Taste the power of Thor, Bitch!! |
Elsewhere, Astrid and Snotlout lead a WD into a clever trap and Fishlegs and Meatlug fart into the Mouth of another WD and tail bludgeon its ass. Stoick and Hiccup ain't doing so good, they pelt it with multiple blasts, but that ain't deterring it. Hiccup tries the shield light trick, it seems to work. Except it doesn't, the SD charges straight at him. It doesn't appear to mind the light at all. It makes another scream, but Toothless shuts it up right quick. The SD gives chase, Stoick and Thornado kick another Whispering Death's ass, Ruff and Tuff get sent off hauling by Stoick after saying something stupid.
Hiccup is fleeing with the Screaming Death not far behind. He tries the light trick again, but he concludes that it must be attracted to light. Or it could be that, unlike the the Whispering Death, light doesn't deter it, it just spurs it on. Or is it that basically the same thing? Either way, Hiccup thinks its a weakness he can use. The other teens catch up and Hiccup tells them to hit it from behind with everything they got. Astrid lags behind, but the Screaming Death blasts Hiccup and Toothless and downs them once again. I don't think I've ever seen Hiccup and Toothless downed this many times in one episode. The Screaming Death closes in.
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| You're mine you little shit! |
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| Ow! Dammit! |
The other teens intervene before it eats Hiccup and giver her shit. Snotlout insults it, pissing it off even more. Fishlegs tries to apologise for Snotlout's vulgarity. Snotlout moves in for another strike, but the Screaming Death decides it's had quite enough of fucking around.
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| YOU PUTRID CANKEROUS FUCKS!!!! |
The Screaming Death has turned into a dragon machine gun, just spraying and praying hoping to hit one of them. Hiccup manages to distract it with his shield and leads it on a chase through the rocks, hoping to use its size against it. After a chase which is very reminiscent of the last moments of the movie, Hiccup manages to trick the Screaming Death into crashing into a rock head on. It's wing is broken by falling rocks. It calls out for help and it's WD homies, who come to drag it to some unknown location. Toothless wants to go after it, but Hiccup tells him it's done, for now.
Back at Berk, Hiccup tells Stoick that those Whispering Death's were planted underneath Berk as eggs by the Outcasts. Stoick says they'll deal with Alvin and his Wild dragons later, they need to deal with their water problem first. That won't be necessary however, since the well is full again. Bad news for Gobber.
Astrid finds Hiccup on the edge of a cliff with Toothless. She tells him he missed Gobber's bath, and what was between his toes. Hiccup is logically more concerned with the big ass Whispering Death than what's between Gobber's toes. Astrid thinks it won't bother them anymore, but Hiccup thinks it'll be back. Whispering Deaths always claim their birthplace for their home.
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| I'll be back. |
Summary
Holy fuck was that new dragon cool! I have to say, that subplot from episode 1 and 2 sure had a great payoff. It's got a great design, and when it was revealed I actually got chills down my spine. It seems like an unstoppable killing machine and it's being set up as the dragon antagonist of the show, which should be quite interesting.
The plot was also great in this episode, with a comical opening and building up a mystery then to the giant shitstorm at the end. I also love all the references to Capitalism with Snotlout. Even if that wasn't the intent (which it must have been), it still gave me some laughs and jokes for the review. My only problem with the episode is all the expository dialogue during the battle, the kids sitting around and explaining things that we can clearly see when shits going down during their talking.
But that's only a minor issue. This was a great episode and if the rest of the epsiodes are like this, Defenders is shaping up to be better than Riders.
9/10
Yep, there's plenty more excitement later on in the series and funnier humor along the way.
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