Dragons Defenders Of Berk Reviews: Episode 7 - Worst In Show

In the caves below Berk, a low-angle shot (or whatever kind of shot only reveals a character below the waist) shows three persons walking through the cave. One of them steps on an eggshell. Alvin picks up the shell, Savage and Mildew are with him. He chews Mildew out for his plan being a complete and total failure, I however wouldn't call The Screaming Death a failure of the plan. Though chances are, they probably don't know about the Screaming Death. In any case, Alvin wanted Berk completely destroyed and run into the ground, Mildew failed to deliver the goods and will now suffer a flaying for it. 

Mildew is in deep shit unless he can pull something out of his ass, and quick. He makes some analogy's between life and rotten fishheads and chowder, then he points Alvin in the direction of the Berk Dragon Training Academy. Alvin isn't quite sure what the point is, but Mildew tells him there's all kinds of shenanigans he could do that he can't believe Alvin hasn't thought of himself. Kidnapping, spying, peeping, raiding the girl's drawers, perhaps a little dragon killing to top it all off. Alvin suggests doing all the above and decides not to flay Mildew today. 

- I hate it when he's all ambiguous like that.
- Trust me, it's better than when he's not ambiguous.
- Thank you, Captain Obvious.

On the surface of the ocean, we see a small boat floating in the water. The camera pans up revealing a dummy in the boat. Fishlegs is by a sun needle, he waves his hand. Snotlout and Hookfang fly to the boat, Snotlout grabs the dummy out of the boat. Snotlout brags about how awesome he is and Hiccup, rather than being disgusted by Snotlout's repugnance, is impressed that Snotlout appears to have actually worked on his Rescue Training. At least until Hookfang dives beneath the waves which would have surely drowned the victim then flies along the cliff edge with the dummy's head scraping the edge, which would have caused some serious damage to a real person, and then when Hookfang just burns the dummy to ash. Astrid decides not to set her already very low expectations any higher. 

Astrid then performs a pretty cool drill where Stormfly shoots her spines into the cliff's edge allowing Astrid to climb up them like a ladder. Hiccup is impressed, Snotlout thinks he's whipped and thinks Astrid's drill was lame and pointless. He points out that she has a dragon that can get her to the top in 2 seconds. He does have a point, at least until Astrid points out the possibility of a person being stuck on the edge of a cliff and the Dragon being unab;e to get close enough to perform aforementioned task. Snotlout admits defeat, but I still think he has a point on this one, though it doesn't degrade Astrid's cool drill. 

Hiccup then calls for Fishlegs to perform his drill. Fishlegs acends into the air until he's a long distance away from the ground. Then he gives Meatlug a command, she falls toward the ground and a Snotlout praying for his miserable life. Just before Meatlug can crush a vile, evil corruption with 1 tonne of mass travelling at a hundred miles an hour, she stops. Fishlegs calls it stop, drop, and hover. Hiccup is once again impressed, Snotlout points out that isn't rescuing, that's falling. Once again he has a point. At least until Fishlegs decides to show him real falling. 

I feel like Thor has dropped a 1,000 pound shit on me!

Snotlout calls for Hookfang to attempt a rescue. Hookfang flies away instead. Hiccup then asks the Twins to show their rescue tactic. But their tactic just involves staring at nothing like a couple of retards. They describe as not falling off the seastack so there's no rescue necessary, right before Ruffnut accidentally knocks Tuffnut off their Dragon sending him screaming and plummeting into the watery depths below. She describes that as working out the kinks. Hiccup facepalms his face until he can't feel it anymore. 

It's now Hiccup's turn to show his rescue tactic. He has three Outcast targets set up on the cliffs. With tremendous speed and efficiency, Toothless takes out all three targets consecutively. The others, except Snotlout of course, are all "Ooh Ahh Ooh"ing.  Snotlout tells them to cut that shit out, he points out that wasn't even a rescue tactic. Yet again he has a point, at least until Fishlegs points out that a rescue mission could require taking some motherfuckers out. He tells Hiccup that was very impressive, Snotlout then tells Fishlegs to get his nose out of Hiccup's ass. Hiccup cuts him off before the last word though, the children's fragile little minds must be protected. 

Fishlegs tells Hiccup that he can deal with Snotlout himself and mocks Snotlout for coming last in the Rescue training competition. Hiccup only notices the competition part of Fishlegs' comment. he says this rescue training wasn't a competition. Ruffnut however points out that it is a competition, she also says that the essence of life is competition. Ruffnut unintentionally said something profound, and it's a sentiment Astrid agrees with. Hiccup however thinks otherwise, he explains that they're a team. They all have a role to play and no one is better than the rest of them. 

. . . . .

Ha Ha Ha, that's so gay Hiccup, Ha Ha Ha!

The others think Hiccup's idea is pitifully laughable. Snotlout asks him if he really stands by those totally gay words of his. Hiccup does indeed stand by those belief's, what he can't believe is that the others seem to be of the same mind as Snotlout on this issue. Fishlegs points out that Hiccup rides Toothless, a Night Fury. The Night Fury is at the top of the list for everything, speed, accuracy, intelligence, promiscuity, everything! It's basically Fishlegs subtlety telling Hiccup, "Easy for you to say all that gay crap when you've got the best dragon, asshole". 

Snotlout wants to voice his opinion, but is shot down by the others. But he continues regardless, as long as each teen has different dragons of different quality, they don't have a level playing field. And . . . he's got a point again! Damn, Snotlout for once is the voice of logic in this episode. And he's absolutely right. Think back to the Thawfest episode, how differently could that have gone if all the teens used Thunderdrums or Whispering Death's? It would have gone very differently. Fishlegs agrees with Snotlout and decides to make this a competition to see whose the best dragon trainer. Snotlout is all for it, well that and kicking Fishlegs ass in the competition. 

So Fishlegs decides to level the playing field by giving each of the teens their very own Terrible Terrors to train, and they've only got a day to train them and see who's the best dragon trainer. Snotlout laughs his off ass, Fishlegs is confused. Snotlout makes it clear that Fishlegs is going to lose because he's a reader and Snotlout's a doer. While Fishlegs is stuck in the Book of Dragons, Snotlout is out kicking names and taking butts. 

Ricky approves.

Hiccup tries to stop this from being a huge competition, but Fishlegs is dead set on making this a competition, simply to kick Snotlout's ass and put him in his place. I won't say this isn't a illegitimate reason, because this is Snotlout we're talking about. Fishlegs even decides to make the "competition" more interesting by imposing the term that the loser has to clean the winners stall for a month. Snotlout and the others agree to that term and Hiccup can't believe they're really doing this. Snotlout tells the others he's going to totally win and reaches for one of the Terrors. The purple one bites him, Snotlout decides he might as well have that one. His prospects of winning are not promising so far. The others claim their Terrors and Hiccup makes one last attempt to remind them that this isn't a competition. He still predicts this not ending well. 

Back in the caves, the Three Fucksketeers are up to some shenanigans. Savage is perched on Mildew's shoulders looking out across the surface. Yak testicles are blocking his view however, at least until the Yaks move and Savage tells Alvin it's just another Yak farm. Alvin asks Mildew what the hell is with all the god damned Yak farms? Mildew has no idea, he's a sheep person. We know you are, you sick fuck. Savage then finds the Academy, saying there's a sign with a dragon on it and there's also kids training dragons inside. Mildew confirms Savage's discovery, but Alvin tells him to calm his tits. Alvin don't celebrate until he's killed some motherfuckers first.  

At the Ingerman residence (yeah, Fishlegs' last name is Ingerman, I looked it up so I know), Fishlegs is training his Terrible Terror. First step is to give it a name, but like me, Fishlegs sucks at names. While he's trying to figure out a badass name for his Terror, Meatlug comes in with a sheep in her mouth. She wants to play with Fishlegs. 

Sorry girl, I can't play "abuse the sheep" right now.

Oh boy, Fishlegs has been corrupted. Snotlout's repugnant arrogance and douchebaggery has driven Fishlegs to lose all perspective of what's really important and only want to do nothing but humiliate Snotlout, just like Hiccup before him. And better yet, now Fishlegs is neglecting Meatlug in the process! Snotlout truly is a vile, evil corruption of obnoxious repugnance. 

So Fishlegs refuses to play with Meatlug because he's too busy trying to humiliate Snotlout, Meatlug goes into the corner in a depressed state. Hiccup comes in to try and talk some sense into Fishlegs, Hiccup's been there with the all consuming obsession to kick Snotlout's ass and put him in his place. He's learned the lesson, a lesson Fishlegs actually helped him learn! Now Hiccup has to make sure Fishlegs doesn't lose perspective of the bigger picture, but Fishlegs too far gone on that front. He even blows off Hiccup's concern about Meatlug, Toothless is the one who has to try and comfort Meatlug. Toothless is so fucking awesome. 

The next day, the teens are all gathered in the arena with their Terrors, Meatlug comes in still wanting to play with Fishlegs. But Fishlegs is too busy gawking over his Terror, that he calls Iggy, and sticking it to Snotlout so he shrugs her off. Snotlout is there and antagonises Fishlegs, Fishlegs just tells him to go first then they argue about who goes first. 

I don't give a rat's shitty ass whether you're first or fifth!
You're going to end this last and with my foot up your ass,
bitch!

Astrid and the others are taken off guard by this new confrontational Fishlegs. Tuffnut comments that Fishlegs has finally grown some balls, but Hiccup cuts him off before he says balls. The children must be protected from such filth, so says braindead conservatives and pussy liberals! Bullshit I say! They need to be exposed to it at their fragile young ages, so they can grow up to be swearing, cynical, hateful sailors and sinners! Just like me. 

Anyway, Hiccup once again tries to defuse the situation by going first and once again reminding them is isn't a god damn competition. Snotlout's all like, "Yeah, keep selling that gay liberal hippy crap, loser!". Man, it's very hard right now to keep to Hiccup's point of view on this, Snotlout sure doesn't make it easy. And to think they tried to make him redeemable and likeable not even two episodes ago! There is no redeeming vile corruption. 

So Hiccup and his Terror, Sharpshot he calls him, start off with target practice. Toothless throws three wooden ducks into the air and Sharpshot destroys them all in quick succession. Astrid thinks he's being cheeky, starting off the competition with a bang and all. Hiccup has to remind her for the 500 billionth time that it's not a competition. 

Not yet it's not, not until I have Snotlout licking my boots
begging for mercy.

Astrid is up next, but she just stands there and asks them what they think. The others are incredibly confused, is she asking them what they think of her pose? She asks them what they think of her Terror's stealth skills. Snotlout says it's Stealth Skills are so stupid it didn't even show up. Right before it appears on his head out of nowhere. Tuffnut thinks he's pretty good, Ruffnut asks who's good? Right before she looks up and sees Astrid's Terror on her head. The Twins are pretty impressed, but they say he can't do what their Terrors, Butt and Head (awesome names BTW), can do. Astrid mockingly guesses that they're just going to run into each other, but they actually flew into each other so she was a little off. 

Alvin, Mildew and Savage peek into the arena, Alvin's all like,"What the fuck is this shit?". Fishlegs is up, presenting Iggy and calling him the smartest little dragon in the Archipelago (on a completely unrelated side note, I've finally figured out how to pronounce Archipelago from this episode, thank you Defenders Of Berk), Meatlug collapses from the neglect. 

Fishlegs shows off what his Terror can do. He has a row of different kinds of shit, an apple, a sword, a bucket, etc. He has a picture of each of the items, he shows a picture of the apple to Iggy. Iggy retrieves the apple and brings it back to Fishlegs. Alvin is quite impressed, but Snotlout tries to downplay Iggy's abilities by claiming it was just a lucky guess. Fishlegs asks Snotlout to try it if he thinks that's the case. Snotlout shows Iggy a picture of the bucket, Iggy retrieves the bucket and drops it on Snotlout's face. 

Snotlout still thinks it's not impressive at all and tries to downplay it. Snotlout appears to be in denial at this point. Fishlegs is unphased, he tells Snotlout to show them what his Terror can do. 

GAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!

Fishlegs laughs at Snotlout for that very unimpressive display. Snotlout tries desperately to beef up his "accomplishment" by daring Fishlegs to pry it off, it took a whole day for Gobber to pry it off his other leg. Fishlegs tells Hiccup to declare him the winner, this starts a heated argument between the teens over who was the winner of the competition. 

While the teens are having their stupid arguement, Meatlug catches the whiff of a traitorous swine and his peeping pals. She follows the stench, Alvin and Mildew hide behind a pile of rocks. Meatlug just blasts the rocks away and finds them, Alvin refuses to retreat at Mildew's suggestion. So Mildew and Savage ditch him and tell him he'll have to explain to Stoick what he's doing on Berk. Seeing the sense in that, Alvin decides to ditch as well. Only he has Meatlug hot on his trail, but he rectifies that by punching the shit out her face and muzzling her. 

The teens hear the commotion, Fishlegs notices Meatlug's absence and rushes to find her with Toothless leading. They find Alvin and Savage slowly trying to drag Meatlug to the caves. Toothless fires at them while they comically try to move Meatlug's fat ass at a snail's pace. 

- MOVE FASTER DAMMIT!!
- This dragon weighs a fucking ton!
So don't tell me to move faster!

But they do manage to get Meatlug into the tunnels and escape. Toothless accidentally blows up the entrance into the tunnel, blocking it with a shit ton of rocks. The Dragons try to open it with all they've got, but it only makes it worse. Fishlegs is worried since those tunnels could lead anywhere around the Island. Tuffnut corrects him however, he says that they lead to 6 yak farms, 2 sheep pens, Mildew's cabbage farm, and Gobber's outhouse. The others give them a look of utter contempt for not mentioning that vital information before they wasted their time on this one entrance. 

Hiccup tells the others to cover all those places in case Alvin pops up at one of them. Tuffnut calls dibs on the beach, the beach he didn't mention before. Hiccup has had just about enough of this shit with the Twins not mentioning vital information before they waste their time and is ready to decapitate them. But he controls himself and sends the teens to the secluded beach. 

On the way, Fishlegs is in a state of self-hatred and loathing for neglecting Meatlug in favour of sticking it to Snotlout. Snotlout says that's just what happens when you try to beat Snotlout. Couldn't agree more Snotlout. Hiccup tries to reassure Fishlegs, but Tuffnut points out that Alvin's ship is straight ahead. The Riders and Outcasts duke it out, but when Alvin threatens to run Meatlug through they retreat. Fishlegs is distressed. 

Don't worry, we still have a few aces up our sleeves.

What the fuck? 

Who's the best dragon trainer now bitches!

Ahh! My face!

With Meatlug free and reunited with Fishlegs, Hiccup moves in and sinks Alvin's ship, leaving the villainous trio floating on the ocean surrounded by sharks. 

Back at Berk, Fishlegs is making up for his neglect of Meatlug. Hiccup offers him a chance to train with the Terrors again, but he refuses. He's learned his lesson and prefers to give Meatlug attention. 

Summary

I really do love episodes like this where Snotlout is such a complete assmonkey that everyone around him loses perspective to put him in his place. Since they're the easiest episodes to make jokes about and it's so entertaining to see our most morally righteous characters being inflicted with what I call "Obsessive Snotlout Disorder", OSD for short. When Snotlout's repugnance is at such a high level that his most harassed victim loses all morals, conscience and perspective for the sake of putting him in his proper place. This is kind of a repeat of the Thawfest episode only with Fishlegs instead of Hiccup, but's there's plenty of new stuff like the Terrible Terror level playing field to make it feel fresh and that did address a small problem I had with the Thawfest episode. 

Alvin, Mildew and Savage were a pretty awesome Angry Old Men trio in the episode, and how the teens used their terrors to defeat them in the end was awesome. Even Snotlout's unimpressive accomplishment turned out useful in the end. 

9/10