Disney Reviews: Hercules (1997)

I hate using the term "goofy" so much in this video, but honestly, I don't know how else to describe Disney's Hercules.

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E07 - The Gift

This week on Game Of Thrones, Jon leaves for Hardhome, leaving Sam in a very unsafe Castle Black. Sansa reaches out to Theon for help. Tyrion and Jorah reach Meereen and are sold to the fighting pits. Olenna speaks to the High Sparrow and Littlefinger. Cercei talks to Margeary and the High Sparrow. 



Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)



At Castle Black, Jon is suiting up for Hardhome. He brings Tormund out and unlocks his chains. Jon informs Alliser Thorne that he'll be in command while he's gone. Alliser once again informs Jon of his opinion that this mission is stupid and a big steamy shit on all the brothers who died. Jon simply responds, "As always, thanks for your honesty", as if to say he already knew what Thorne was going to say, and he doesn't care at this point. Before he leaves, Sam gives him a dragonglass dagger, in case of White Walkers. Jon gives Sam a heartfelt farewell hug, and departs. However, Jon's departure is a very bad thing for Sam, and Gilly. 

Aemon lies in bed, dying a slow death. He also seems to be lost in his memories from the past. He appears to think he's talking to his younger brother Aegon. While he's in his last moments, he says, "Aeg, I dreamed that I was old." Some truly touching last words, and Sam's words to him at his funeral are just as touching. This is groundbreaking for the show, as Aemon dies, you know, naturally. Not a sword, axe, dagger, or spear in sight. The moment is spoiled however when Alliser Thorne gives Sam a vague threat, "You're losing your friends Tarly." Sam may not have friends at Castle Black, but he's not about to let a couple of his brother rape Gilly. He's easily beaten however, but I give him credit for trying, and more importantly not backing down. Ghost (Jon's direwolf in case you forgot) manages to scare them off, allowing Sam and Gilly to have a little sexy time. It's a sweet, if incredibly awkward scene. Castle Black is seeing some more sweet moments this episode. 

Sansa on the other hand. It appears she's taking more of the Jeyne Poole role than I believed. However, unlike Jeyne in the books, Sansa is going to be more active in trying to improve her situation. At first she tries to get Theon to light the candle in the tower. Theon however is still Reek, even after Sansa reminds him of who he is. Once again, Sophie Turner and Alfie Allen are knocking it out of the park. In a pretty clever scene that fooled me the first time, it looks like Theon is making his way up the tower to light the candle. Only to find that he's going to spill the beans to Ramsay. Ramsay then summons Sansa, who remains defiant in any small way she can by reminding him that his step-mother is pregnant, and he's only legitimate because of another bastard. Ramsay is noticeably pissed. See, although Sansa definitely has Jeyne Poole's story, she's more defiant and active, even managing to get a sharp object while nobody's looking. But, now we find out why Ramsay summoned Sansa. To show her the flayed corpse of the old woman who told Sansa to light the candle. Sansa is distraught,  as now she has no friends in Winterfell. 

The only friends she has are outside Winterfell, Brienne and Stannis. Brienne is waiting for a botched plan, while Stannis and his army are bogged down in the snow. After Davos surveys the sorry state Stannis' army is in, he breaks the bad news to Stannis. Over forty horses have died, and more will die by the end of the day. Worse, The Stormcrows (nice reference to the books), a sellsword company of five hundred men, have abandoned them. Davos suggests they head back to Castle Black. But Stannis is having none of it. He knows if he retreats now, he gives up his momentum to winter as Castle Black. He remains determined to march forward, Snow storms, dying horses and starvation be damned! But, he's still not above turning to Melisandre for guidance. But she suggests burning Shireen. But Shireen is no Renly or Gendry, she is Stannis' daughter. He refuses to, and tells Melisandre to get the fuck out! I don't know, I really hope Stannis doesn't go there. 

In Meereen, Jorah and Tyrion are being auctioned to some Slavers. One man bids 20 gold coins for Jorah. But Tyrion tries to convince the slaver to buy him to, claiming he can fight to. After a few laughs from the crowd, Tyrion beats the shit out of his chain-holder to demonstrate his prowess. The Slaver (or is it slave-owner?) buys Tyrion as well. Daenerys, after another pillow-talk scene with Daario, goes to inspect the new pit fighters. As it just so happens, Tyrion and Jorah are set to be in the inspection lot. After kicking some ass, Jorah reveals himself to Dany. At first she seems almost happy to see her old friend again, but then her anger returns and she wants him out of her sight. But then, Jorah tells her he brought her a gift. Tyrion is the gift, as he introduces himself to Dany face-to-face. And it's every bit as glorious as you could hope for. They haven't met in the books yet, they really should have. Just because George RR Martin wastes his time, that doesn't mean Dave and Dan have to. 

Speaking of which, there's something else that could be described as a waste of time, and that would be Dorne. I don't think it is, sure it hasn't been the most stellar storyline, it isn't terrible but I think this episode offers hope. Hotah allows Jaime to have a talk with Myrcella, but he finds that she likes it in Dorne and she doesn't want to go back. Despite the Sand Snake's attempted kidnapping. When says he doesn't understand, Myrcella's like, "Of course you don't! You don't know me." Ouch. Meanwhile, in the dungeons, Bronn is singing the Dornishman's Wife. Tyene Sand thinks he's good, Obara and Nymeria don't give a shit. Tyene then tries to seduce Bronn (and holy shit she's got a nice pair of tits!), but only to get his blood pumping for the poison in it to work faster. Tyene gives Bronn the antidote, but only after he says she's the most beautiful girl he's seen. Honestly, beast death ever if this was how he died. A lot of people have been kinda harsh on the Sand Snakes in previous episodes, and I can certainly see why, but this was actually a pretty good scene. The potential is finally showing. 

In King's Landing, Olenna confronts the High Sparrow. She thinks she has him pegged, but it turns out he's exactly what he says he is, a man of the people, and a servant of the gods. There's nothing she can say or do that will convince him to release Loras and Margaery. I almost find it impossible not to like the High Sparrow, religious zealotry and all. But Olenna ain't one to give up, if she can't get her grandchildren out, she'll make Cercei pay for their imprisonment. Who just so happens to be talking to a distraught Tommen about that imprisonment. Tommen starts at act a little like Joffery, and considers killing all the sparrows. But in the end, he's still a boy who finds himself powerless to do anything. Cercei tells him she'll meet with the High Sparrow. After a little visit with Margaery, who tells her to fuck off with her nice lady bullshit, she does just that. The High Sparrow tells her of the history of the sept, as a metaphor for what he's about to do to her. Holy fuck, it's happening? The High Sparrow then brings in Lancel, who appears to have spilled the beans on his relations with Cercei, and what happened to the King. The HS has her arrested, and thrown into a cell. You know that this means? . . . 

. . .

. . . 

. . . 

 . . .

PARTY TIME YA'LL!!!!!! 

WOOOOOOO! It's finally happened!

Ah man, was that scene satisfying. Are we supposed to hate the High Sparrow? Because right now, he's my personal hero. One of them anyway. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
The Gift - 10/10 Dorne is showing more promise, Aemon's death hit right in the feels, Tyrion and Daenerys meeting was every bit as glorious as I hoped it would be, and we get the most satisfying scene since Joffery was poisoned. 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Video Game Review: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

Title: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
Developers: CD Projekt Red
Publisher: Warner Brothers Interactive
Genre: Action Role-Playing-Game
Platforms: PC, Playstation 4, Xbox One
Reviewed On: PC
Price: $69.99 ($46.99 on GOG.com, for you PC people)

I've been playing video games for years now, and have played through dozens of titles, from indie titles to massive AAA releases. Drawing from this experience, I can say, with confidence, that The Witcher 3 is some of the tightest, most well thought-out gaming I have experienced in years. Not since The Elder Scrolls 3 or Dragon Age: Origins have I been this addicted and drawn into a fantasy world, and if you've got an Xbox One, PS4, or a decently powerful PC, you need to play The Witcher 3.

The game's strongest point is its atmosphere, and in this regard, it hits the ball out of the park and straight to the moon. There's so many little details in every scene, from the trees along the trail you travel blowing from the wind, to the little conversations the city people are having as you pass by. CD Projekt Red put a ton of work into this regard, and it absolutely shines through, it recreates the low-fantasy atmosphere of The Witcher flawlessly.

The atmosphere may steal a lot of the show, but that doesn't mean the writers have slacked off either. For the huge amount of conversations and questing in The Witcher 3, it's impressive how the quality of it all has been kept at a high bar. The conversations all feel at least interesting, and all work towards some purpose, be it the main story, character development, or just an NPC telling you details on your next job, it's all kept up with spot-on writing, and great delivery from the voice actors.

Before I touch on the gameplay, I should mention the storyline as well, this being an RPG and all. The storyline is a great send-off for The Witcher trilogy, bringing back some familiar characters and introducing some new ones as well, each having some side quest for you to complete, letting you see how they're doing now. The main plot mainly concerns Geralt of Rivia's newest contract, to track and find the daughter of a prominent emperor, her name being Ciri, with the daughter also having a personal connection to Geralt. He has to work fast though, as the spectral riders, the Wild Hunt, are chasing Ciri, and it probably won't be good if they reach her first. While the main story can sometimes be overshadowed by some of the side quests, it's still kept interesting, and will keep dragging you back, even when you want to go out messing around in the open-world.

That's, by far, the biggest change in The Witcher 3, compared to the first two, the game is set in an open world, letting you go wherever you want, whenever you want (though the monsters you find may not agree with that). This formula works surprisingly well with The Witcher, as Witcher's within this world are wandering monster-slayers, and it's very satisfying to wander into a medieval style farmer village, and grab a monster contract from the nearest billboard, only to continue wandering after you slay it and get your pay, kinda like a lone wandering cowboy from some Old West fiction.

But these are monsters you're fighting after all, and being monsters, they like to make sure killing them isn't easy. Many times, a monster is stronger than Geralt in a direct fight, so that's not always an option. Geralt wouldn't be a century old if he was an idiot though, and so he has a few tricks up his sleeve to even the odds. Geralt has two swords at his disposal, a steel sword for humans and more mundane beasts, and a silver sword for the more fantastical variety. It's important to know which one to use, as many monsters in The Witcher don't take a lot of damage from steel. Not only that, Geralt also has a variety of bombs, potions, blade oils, spells, and even a crossbow. With proper preparations, you can take on all the monsters in the world.

The game does have it's flaws though, like all games. I've had a few random crashes at places, which are rather annoying, and there are a few visual glitches, though those don't really interfere with the actual game. The biggest flaw though, is the inventory system. There are a lot of items you can pick up, for crafting, alchemy, etc, and the game clumps a lot of it together, which can be a huge pain to sort through. The movement can also feel clunky at times, and while the combat functions fine, investigating or picking up items can be a bit of a pain.

There's just so, so, sooooo much to this game, and all of it is kept to a premium quality, from the strategic card game you can obsess over, Gwent, to the monster slaying contracts you can find in the peasant villages. I've put about 30 hours into the game since release, and I'm nowhere near complete. While Assassin's Creed's and Far Cry's activity's in their open world's feel like obstacles to jump over, the side quests in The Witcher 3 all feel so fun in their own right, and are a joy to complete. While you'll enjoy the game a whole lot more if you have played the first 2 games, and I recommend playing them, you can still jump in at The Witcher 3 and have a blast playing it. Games are very expensive, and The Witcher 3 is no exception, but it's one of the few releases on the new consoles that I truely feel is worth the asking price.

he Pros:

• Great Combat
• Amazing World and Presentation
• Great Characters and Storyline
• Great....Well Everything

The Cons:

• Some Glitches and Crashes
• Messy Inventory System

Final Score: 9 out of 10

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E06 - Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

This week on Game Of Thrones, Tyrion and Jorah have a heart-to-heart discussion and find themselves with unpleasant company. Arya continues her training with the Faceless Men, and finally gets to see what they do with those bodies. Littlefinger and Olenna arrive in King's Landing, Loras goes on trial. Jaime and Bronn reach the Water Gardens, and cross paths with the Sand Snakes. And . . . . oh god, Sansa marries Ramsay Snow. You all know what has to happen after that. 



Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)



In Braavos, Arya is still washing bodies, which then get carried away for unknown purposes. As they leave the door open, Arya tries to sneak a little peak. But the waif catches her in the act and tells her to get back to work. But Arya ain't having none of it. She wants to know what's going on, but she's not ready yet, especially to be nobody. Arya asks who she is. The waif tells her a little story of how she got to the House of Black and White. It's a nice little story and Arya begins to sympathise with her. But then the waif asks Arya if she was lying or telling the truth. Arya's confused, and understandably so. Those sympathetic feelings she had for the story may have been for not. The waif concludes that Arya is not ready. Later, Jaqen H'ghar plays the game of faces with her. When Arya lies, he smacks her with a stick. The most interesting part is when she describes how she left the Hound behind and how she hated him. Jaqen smacks her for that, he knows that Arya didn't truly hate the Hound. And when he asks if she is ready to be no one, she is smacked again. 

Later, as Arya is scrubbing the floors in the main hall, a man brings his sick daughter to drink from the fountain. There's nothing he can do for her, so he just wants her suffering to end. At first, Arya is unsure of what to do, but then she gets up and sits beside the girl. She tells the girl a story sprinkled with some lies to comfort her, then gives her water from the fountain. Jaqen watches, and is obviously impressed, as he takes her to the Hall of Faces. This a eerie looking place, as it contains the faces of all those people who are brought there. As Arya takes it all in, Jaqen tells her that although she's not ready to be no-one, she's ready to be someone else. She's advanced to the next level of her training. 

In Essos, Jorah and Tyrion continue to be an entertaining duo. Tyrion can't stop talking, and Iain Glen just gives this brilliant "Do you ever shut up?". Tyrion tells Jorah that he came across the Narrow Sea in a crate, and why that is. As Tyrion tells Jorah about killing Tywin and Tywin fucking Shae, Jorah finds he relates. Tyrion also mentions Jorah's father (the old Lord Commander at the wall in case you forgot) and his death. Jorah is distraught by the news, especially since his father was killed by his own men. Jorah decides it's time to pack up and get moving.  As they continue their journey, Tyrion questions why Jorah is supporting Daenerys. Jorah answers because he believes in her, especially after all he's been through with her. Tyrion brings up more good points against this, like will there be 1000 years of peace? Is he the rightful heir because her father, who burned men alive for amusement, was king? This is cut short by a band of slavers however. But Tyrion shows once again what a clever little bastard he is by convincing the slavers to take Jorah to Meereen for the fighting pits, and also to not cut his cock off to sell to a superstitious merchant. 

In King's Landing, Littlefinger arrives and is briefly stopped by Lancel. Lancel explains that King's Landing is a new city, a subtle, or perhaps not so subtle, threat towards Littlefinger. Littlefinger simply brushes it off and reminds lancel he has an appointment with Cercei. Lancel let's him through. Littlefinger then has a long discussion with Cercei about the arrest of Loras, and even throws a few subtle japes about her relationship with Jaime. Littlefinger then reveals to her that Sansa is in Winterfell, and about to be wed to Ramsay Bolton (we'll get to that). Cercei is enraged, and wants to skin Roose and Ramsay like the man on their banner. Littlefinger counsels patience, and offers to send the knights of the vale to take Winterfell after Roose and Stannis battle each other. His only condition, to be named Warden of the North. Littlefinger. you sly motherfucker. 

Meanwhile, Olenna Tyrell is back! Good to see ya again Queen of Thorns. After hearing about Loras' arrest, she has returned to the capital. After a little talk with Margaery, she goes to see Cercei. Cercei tries to bullshit her way out of it, but Olenna ain't having none of it. Olenna even downright insults Cercei to her face, calling her "The Famous tart, queen Cercei". Cercei tries so hard to bullshit Olenna, but Olenna ain't falling for any of it. She even reminds Cercei that it's her House's food, troops, ad cash that's keeping Cercei and her family afloat. Olenna wants her house's future back, and she's not interested in Cercei's bullshit. Cercei finally decides to stop bullshitting and tells Olenna that there'll be a small hearing for Loras. At the hearing, the High Sparrow (now septon I suppose) questions Loras and Margaery, both assuring him that the rumors are lies. Then the High Sparrow brings in Olyvar, who spills the beans on his and Loras' relationship and that Margaery walked in on them once. Showing that Loras is indeed a homosexual, and Margaery was lying when she swore to the Seven to be truthful. The High Sparrow has them both arrested. Tommen doesn't know what to do and simply lets it happen. Olenna gives a venomous look at Cercei. Cercei thinks she's won, but she's only dug her grave even deeper. 

In Dorne, Jaime and Bronn arrive at Sunspear, blending in by wearing the uniforms of the soldiers they killed. They find Myrcella but Myrcella actually loves her future husband, Trystane Martell. Trystane notices that there's blood on their uniforms and tries to draw his sword, but Bronn knocks him out before he can. And before Jaime and Bronn can get away with Myrcella (who refuses to leave) the Sand Snakes jump them. Now, a lot of people seem to think this fight absolutely sucks, but I think it's fine. But before they can actually kill each other, Areo Hotah comes in and breaks it up, arresting Jaime, Bronn and the Sand Snakes. 

And now we get to the scene that book-readers and show watchers have been dreading since Littlefinger revealed his marriage proposal to Sansa in episode 3. Sansa is going to marry Ramsay Snow. But before that, she needs a bath. Myranda is sent for this. She tries to threaten Sansa by telling her about all of Ramsay's other girls. Sansa figures her out right away and reminds her that she's a Stark of Wimterfell, and she ain't gonna be frightened by Myranda. Way to go Sansa! Though Myranda's one thing, Ramsay's something else entirely. This scene man, after the wedding ceremony by the heart tree, Ramsay takes Sansa to be bedded. He makes Theon watch as he rips Sansa's dress off, and forces himself on her. This scene was very hard to watch, but it is an incredible scene. Sophie Turner, Alfie Allen and Iwan Rheon give amazing performances, but man, it's meant to be a deplorable scene and it does it well, Theon's reaction was probably the audiences reaction as well. But at least the audience didn't see it. Does it turn back all of Sansa's character development from season 4? Well, for now I can only say, no. We're not sure how this will affect Sansa in the rest of the season, and besides, she knew she would have to consummate the marriage. It being so unpleasant has probably strengthened her desire to bring the Bolton's down, in any way she can. And she's in the best position to do that. We'll just have to wait and see in the next episodes. 

 Season 5 Episode rating: 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 - The Dorne stuff was alright, and the Sansa scene was truly hard to watch. But Arya's, Cercei's, and Tyrion and Jorah's scenes were as great as ever. 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Disney Reviews: The Hunchback Of Notre Dame (1996)

The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, the most underrated movie of the entire Disney Canon. 

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E05 - Kill The Boy

This week on Game Of Thrones, Daenerys is distraught over what happened to Barristan and Grey Worm, someone needs to pay for it. Sansa finds a familiar face and partakes in a dinner from hell. Jon "kills the boy' within him, by making a practical but very unpopular decision. Tyrion and Jorah travel though the ruins of Old Valyria. 




Warning: Spoilers Ahead (From the show and books)




In Meereen, Grey Worm looks to be in bad shape, and Barristan is as dead as he could possibly be (sorry book purists, now GET OVER IT!!!!!). Daenerys stands vigil by his corpse. This little scene is great, Emilia is doing great this year and she's getting the emotions down well. Especially in the very next scene when the tone takes a major U-turn as Daenerys decides to round up the leaders of the great Families of Meereen and bring them to the dragon pit. This scene, I don't know if Daenerys is just extremely pissed or she's going insane. Probably a bit of both. The CGI for the dragons is stupendous, and Emilia gives a scary performance as she feeds one of the Masters to her dragons. 

Back with Grey Worm, we get a nice little scene with him and Missandei. Grey Worm feels he has failed Barristan, his men, but he feels ashamed for being afraid. Being afraid he'd mever see Missandei again. Daenerys feels one of the only people she can rely on now is Missandei, she asks for Missandei's council. Missandei feels she isn't qualified to, but reminds her that although Daenerys may listen and ignore council, she always tries to think of a better way. With this in mind, Daenerys decides to reopen the fighting pits and marry Hizdhar to appease the Masters and hopefully stop the Sons of the Harpy insurgency. 

At the Wall, Sam and Aemon talk about Daenerys, Aemon feels terrible that a Targaryen is alone in the world. Right after that, Jon Snow walks in. Another R+L=J hint? Jon knows he has to save the Wildling's but he also knows that the Night's Watch will hate it, and he wants Aemon's advice. But before Jon can say anything, Aemon tells Jon to do what needs to be done, "Kill the boy, and let the man be born", he says. A great line from the book that I'm glad they kept in. But as Jon suspected, the Night's watch hates the idea. But Jon lays it all out for the naysayers that the Wildling's are far better than what the White Walker's will turn them into. Jon knows it's the most practical decision, but also the right one. And he's not gonna let naysayers tell him otherwise. On a side note, I love how Stannis is still quite the grammar-nazi. Jon has a meeting with Tormund, asking where the Free Folk are. Tormund at first refuses, but after Jon gives him a reality check, and unchains him, Tormund tells Jon the Free Folk are at Hardhome. A place we haven't seen in the books but now we will in the show. Sweet! Jon also mentions using Stannis' fleet to pick up the Wildlings. I hope that means we see Shalador Saan again. Speaking of Stannis, after he asks Samwell for information on the White Walkers, he decides it's time to march on Winterfell. The departure is amazing, and there's even enough time for Jon to wish Stannis good fortune and and a heartfelt thank-you. 

In Winterfell, Brienne has holed up in a tavern. As Brienne is staring at Winterfell wandering how to contact Sansa, an old man walks in. She asks him to send a message to Sansa, but he doubts her intentions. Brienne simply walks up to him in an intimidating manner and makes her intentions clear, and who she serves. After a little pillow talk between Ramsay and his physco girlfriend Myranda, Sansa recieves a message from the old woman from episode 3 to light a candle in the tower should she need help. Sansa goes to the tower and runs into Myranda. After an extremely awkward conversation with her, Myranda brings Sansa to the kennels and shows her Theon, the moment I've been anxiously awaiting is here. And Alfie Allen and Sophie Turner knock it out of the park! Sophie just gives an incredible mixed emotion performance where I can't tell if she wants to embrace Theon, or stab the shit out of him! And Alfie is as great as ever. And this isn't their only meeting in the episode. 

Now we get to the Bolton dinner straight from the pits of hell. An incredibly awkward scene where Ramsay does his damnedest to be a douchebag and make Sansa feeling uncomfortable.  Hell, even Fat Walda makes her uncomfortable, and Walda wasn't even trying to. To make matters worse, Ramsay brings in Theon/Reek to apologise to Sansa for killing Bran and Rickon, then decides that Theon will give Sansa away at the wedding. Oh Ramsay, you lovable monster, you! But just as Ramsay is reaching the peak of his sick little joke, Roose breaks the news that Fat Walda is pregnant. Ramsay does not look pleased, and Sansa subtley uses this to turn the tables on Ramsey. Sansa surely isn't a lost child anymore. Later, Roose tells Ramsey the story of how he raped his mother and was gonna throw Ramsey in the river, but didn't, because Ramsey is Roose's son. With that, Ramsey agrees to help Roose fight Stannis when he comes for Winterfell. 

Meanwhile, Tyrion and Ser Jorah are still on that Dinghy. But they're making their way though the ruins of Old Valyria. Another location we got to see in the books, but I'm glad we get to see it now. It looks amazing! Tyrion and Jorah bond over their mutual knowledge of the Doom of Valyria. Just then, the promotional poster of season 5 comes to life as Drogon flies over them. The look on Tyrion's face says it all. But the scene does a 180 into a horror movie when Stone Men (people who are infected by greyscale beyond repair) jump into their boat. It's a tense scene, since Tyrion and Jorah can't let the Stone Men touch them, and the Stone Men look fantastic. The scene ends as Tyrion is dragged underwater by a stone man, but it appears Jorah dragged him to shore in time. Jorah wasn't so lucky, as he looks at his arm and finds his skin is starting to turn grey as the score let's us know that Jorah is well and truly, fucked. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 - The episodes just keep getting better and better!
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Disney Reviews: Pocahontas (1995)

Pocahontas is one of the more forgettable movies of Disney's Renaissance, with only a few things leaving much of a lasting impact. 

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E04 - Sons Of The Harpy

On Game Of Thrones, Jorah and Tyrion paddle down what I believe is the Rhoynar, but that's probably not accurate, Jaime and Bronn arrive in Dorne and can't even walk off the beach without killing someone, Jon gets a tempting offer from Melisandre, Cercei arms a group of religious fanatics and lets her son look weak, and Dany has a full-scale insurgency on her hands. 



Warning: Show And Book Spoilers Ahead



Well, the shows has moved even further from the books this week, and the Book Purists are losing their shit! I think you all know what I'm talking about.

Just because they do something different from the books, that doesn't make D&D hacks, moron.

Actually, it does make sense, considering he was still an old man, unarmored, and outnumbered 15-1.

GOOD! I hope they continue to stick the finger to you twats!

No wander D&D stopped trying to please them, there is no pleasing them. Something rather unfortunate happened to Barristan Selmy in this episode, and it looks like he's gone for good. Which is yet another departure from the books, and yet another that I have no problem whatsoever with. Then again, there hasn't been any change that I didn't mind or think was an improvement. I wander if there's even any point comparing to the books. But regardless, Barry's dead but we'll get to that later. 

Last week, Tyrion is kidnapped by Jorah, and these two are shaping up to be a hilarious duo, if only because of how much Tyrion annoys Jorah and the way Jorah just throws Tyrion around. Peter Dinklage gets some great lines, but the best part is when he just figures Jorah out with Jorah hardly saying a word. Tyrion has Jorah pegged, he knows Jorah is doing this as a desperate attempt to get back in Daenerys' favor and lays a hard truth that Daenerys is just as likely to execute Jorah and pardon Tyrion as she is the reverse. Jorah knocks Tyrion unconscious for his insolence. The poor man just can't handle the truth. 

In King's Landing, Cercei is holding another Small Council meeting. Mace Tyrell informs her that the Iron Bank is demanding 10% of it's debt back. Only the crown can't even afford that, so she decides to send Mace to Braavos, with Meryn Trant no less, to "negotiate better terms". Cercei has an ulterior motive for this, but Mace takes the bait. Next, Cercei has a little meeting with the High Sparrow. This is where Cercei begins to fuck up royal, she thinks giving a bunch of fanatics a private army is a good idea. She tells the High Sparrow that she'll rearm the Faith Militant, who were disarmed 200 years ago, and as they show in their horrifying rampage throughout King's Landing, for good reason. It was a really creepy scene, especially with that choir by Ramin Djwadi, and I was getting some awful ISIS vibes from it. 

And even worse, Cercei did this so Loras would get arrested. This however has the unfortunate side effect of making her son Tommen, who's King of the Seven Kingdom's, look weak. Tommen even backs down from a confrontation with the Faith Militant when he goes to demand Loras' release. Imagine if this was Joffery, he'd probably have all the Sparrows killed. But that's the thing, Tommen is the antithesis of Joffery, kind and soft, but far too much for his own good. And Cercei in her infinite wisdom thought it was a good idea to make him weaker by suggesting he see the High Sparrow. And Cercei's decisions are only going to get worse from here, and it's going to be glorious. 

At Castle Black, Stannis shows what a great father he is, and Selyse what a horrible mother/person in general she is.  Selyse talks shit about Jon's parentage not understanding what Stannis sees in him (to which Stannis replies "That wasn't Ned Stark's way", R+L=J?), then goes on to talk shit about Shireen. Then in a truly heartwarming scene, Stannis shows how good of a father he is when he tells Shireen how he didn't give up on Shireen's life. Speaking of Jon Snow, Melisandre takes a shot at convincing Jon to go to Winterfell, by seducing him that is. Always nice to see Carice Van Houten naked. But Jon continues to show just how much he is his father's son. He refuses Melisandre's advances, she sees through the hypocrisy of his keeping to his vows excuse, then Jon says Ygritte might be dead, but he still lovers her. Melisandre then uses Ygritte's catchphrase, "You know nothing, Jon Snow".  The look on Jon Snow's face, and the use of the Lord of Light theme, is spine chilling. 

In Dorne, Jaime and Bronn have a conversation about Tyrion, and about all the accusations towards Cercei and Jaime. Bronn is an honest man, and he can't help but roll his eyes every time Jaime lies about things he already knows. In a rather disappointing turn, Jaime says he'll kill Tyrion if he ever sees him again. Later, they take a rowboat to the beach. In the morning, they're caught off guard by four Dornish soldiers. Bronn however is an honest man and is terrible at lying. Jaime's ignorance of Dorne being shark-free doesn't help. A fight ensues, as Bronn skillfully dispatches 3 of them, and Jaime comically survives by stopping a blade with his steel hand. There's actually a lot of really funny jokes relating to Jaime's one-handedness in this scene. 

And now we get to the scene that has Book Purists shitting bricks, again. At the end of the episode, Daenerys and Barristan have a heartfelt talk about Rheagar and his love of singing (another R+L=J tidbit?). As Daenerys goes to deal with Hizdhar Zo Loraq, who is once again asking for the reopening of the Fighting Pits and bringing more convincing arguments to the table, The Sons of The Harpy ambush Grey Worm and several other Unsullied in what is probably one of the best scenes of the season, if not the entire show! And we finally get to see Ser Barristan fight! Back in season 1 he said he could have cut through five of the Kingsguard like carving a cake, after this episode I believe he could have. Of course, Barristan cutting motherfuckers up and the incredible heroic score that played over it only gave us false hope. As even though Barristan is a tough son of a bitch, he's still old, and he was swarmed by overwhelming numbers. It's a bummer losing Barristan like that, even when he's still alive in the books, but if you ask me he still went out on a high note. And his death opens some new possibilities for Dany's storyline, and leaves the door open for Jorah to return and Tyrion to become part of her council. As an avid book reader, I have no problem with this whatsoever. Book purists are just being a bunch of whiny bitches if you ask me. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10