On Game Of Thrones, Jorah and Tyrion paddle down what I believe is the Rhoynar, but that's probably not accurate, Jaime and Bronn arrive in Dorne and can't even walk off the beach without killing someone, Jon gets a tempting offer from Melisandre, Cercei arms a group of religious fanatics and lets her son look weak, and Dany has a full-scale insurgency on her hands.
Warning: Show And Book Spoilers Ahead
Well, the shows has moved even further from the books this week, and the Book Purists are losing their shit! I think you all know what I'm talking about.
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| Just because they do something different from the books, that doesn't make D&D hacks, moron. |
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| Actually, it does make sense, considering he was still an old man, unarmored, and outnumbered 15-1. |
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| GOOD! I hope they continue to stick the finger to you twats! |
No wander D&D stopped trying to please them, there is no pleasing them. Something rather unfortunate happened to Barristan Selmy in this episode, and it looks like he's gone for good. Which is yet another departure from the books, and yet another that I have no problem whatsoever with. Then again, there hasn't been any change that I didn't mind or think was an improvement. I wander if there's even any point comparing to the books. But regardless, Barry's dead but we'll get to that later.
Last week, Tyrion is kidnapped by Jorah, and these two are shaping up to be a hilarious duo, if only because of how much Tyrion annoys Jorah and the way Jorah just throws Tyrion around. Peter Dinklage gets some great lines, but the best part is when he just figures Jorah out with Jorah hardly saying a word. Tyrion has Jorah pegged, he knows Jorah is doing this as a desperate attempt to get back in Daenerys' favor and lays a hard truth that Daenerys is just as likely to execute Jorah and pardon Tyrion as she is the reverse. Jorah knocks Tyrion unconscious for his insolence. The poor man just can't handle the truth.
In King's Landing, Cercei is holding another Small Council meeting. Mace Tyrell informs her that the Iron Bank is demanding 10% of it's debt back. Only the crown can't even afford that, so she decides to send Mace to Braavos, with Meryn Trant no less, to "negotiate better terms". Cercei has an ulterior motive for this, but Mace takes the bait. Next, Cercei has a little meeting with the High Sparrow. This is where Cercei begins to fuck up royal, she thinks giving a bunch of fanatics a private army is a good idea. She tells the High Sparrow that she'll rearm the Faith Militant, who were disarmed 200 years ago, and as they show in their horrifying rampage throughout King's Landing, for good reason. It was a really creepy scene, especially with that choir by Ramin Djwadi, and I was getting some awful ISIS vibes from it.
And even worse, Cercei did this so Loras would get arrested. This however has the unfortunate side effect of making her son Tommen, who's King of the Seven Kingdom's, look weak. Tommen even backs down from a confrontation with the Faith Militant when he goes to demand Loras' release. Imagine if this was Joffery, he'd probably have all the Sparrows killed. But that's the thing, Tommen is the antithesis of Joffery, kind and soft, but far too much for his own good. And Cercei in her infinite wisdom thought it was a good idea to make him weaker by suggesting he see the High Sparrow. And Cercei's decisions are only going to get worse from here, and it's going to be glorious.
At Castle Black, Stannis shows what a great father he is, and Selyse what a horrible mother/person in general she is. Selyse talks shit about Jon's parentage not understanding what Stannis sees in him (to which Stannis replies "That wasn't Ned Stark's way", R+L=J?), then goes on to talk shit about Shireen. Then in a truly heartwarming scene, Stannis shows how good of a father he is when he tells Shireen how he didn't give up on Shireen's life. Speaking of Jon Snow, Melisandre takes a shot at convincing Jon to go to Winterfell, by seducing him that is. Always nice to see Carice Van Houten naked. But Jon continues to show just how much he is his father's son. He refuses Melisandre's advances, she sees through the hypocrisy of his keeping to his vows excuse, then Jon says Ygritte might be dead, but he still lovers her. Melisandre then uses Ygritte's catchphrase, "You know nothing, Jon Snow". The look on Jon Snow's face, and the use of the Lord of Light theme, is spine chilling.
In Dorne, Jaime and Bronn have a conversation about Tyrion, and about all the accusations towards Cercei and Jaime. Bronn is an honest man, and he can't help but roll his eyes every time Jaime lies about things he already knows. In a rather disappointing turn, Jaime says he'll kill Tyrion if he ever sees him again. Later, they take a rowboat to the beach. In the morning, they're caught off guard by four Dornish soldiers. Bronn however is an honest man and is terrible at lying. Jaime's ignorance of Dorne being shark-free doesn't help. A fight ensues, as Bronn skillfully dispatches 3 of them, and Jaime comically survives by stopping a blade with his steel hand. There's actually a lot of really funny jokes relating to Jaime's one-handedness in this scene.
And now we get to the scene that has Book Purists shitting bricks, again. At the end of the episode, Daenerys and Barristan have a heartfelt talk about Rheagar and his love of singing (another R+L=J tidbit?). As Daenerys goes to deal with Hizdhar Zo Loraq, who is once again asking for the reopening of the Fighting Pits and bringing more convincing arguments to the table, The Sons of The Harpy ambush Grey Worm and several other Unsullied in what is probably one of the best scenes of the season, if not the entire show! And we finally get to see Ser Barristan fight! Back in season 1 he said he could have cut through five of the Kingsguard like carving a cake, after this episode I believe he could have. Of course, Barristan cutting motherfuckers up and the incredible heroic score that played over it only gave us false hope. As even though Barristan is a tough son of a bitch, he's still old, and he was swarmed by overwhelming numbers. It's a bummer losing Barristan like that, even when he's still alive in the books, but if you ask me he still went out on a high note. And his death opens some new possibilities for Dany's storyline, and leaves the door open for Jorah to return and Tyrion to become part of her council. As an avid book reader, I have no problem with this whatsoever. Book purists are just being a bunch of whiny bitches if you ask me.
Season 5 Episode rating:
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10
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