This week on Game Of Thrones, Tyrion and Jorah have a heart-to-heart discussion and find themselves with unpleasant company. Arya continues her training with the Faceless Men, and finally gets to see what they do with those bodies. Littlefinger and Olenna arrive in King's Landing, Loras goes on trial. Jaime and Bronn reach the Water Gardens, and cross paths with the Sand Snakes. And . . . . oh god, Sansa marries Ramsay Snow. You all know what has to happen after that.
Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)
In Braavos, Arya is still washing bodies, which then get carried away for unknown purposes. As they leave the door open, Arya tries to sneak a little peak. But the waif catches her in the act and tells her to get back to work. But Arya ain't having none of it. She wants to know what's going on, but she's not ready yet, especially to be nobody. Arya asks who she is. The waif tells her a little story of how she got to the House of Black and White. It's a nice little story and Arya begins to sympathise with her. But then the waif asks Arya if she was lying or telling the truth. Arya's confused, and understandably so. Those sympathetic feelings she had for the story may have been for not. The waif concludes that Arya is not ready. Later, Jaqen H'ghar plays the game of faces with her. When Arya lies, he smacks her with a stick. The most interesting part is when she describes how she left the Hound behind and how she hated him. Jaqen smacks her for that, he knows that Arya didn't truly hate the Hound. And when he asks if she is ready to be no one, she is smacked again.
Later, as Arya is scrubbing the floors in the main hall, a man brings his sick daughter to drink from the fountain. There's nothing he can do for her, so he just wants her suffering to end. At first, Arya is unsure of what to do, but then she gets up and sits beside the girl. She tells the girl a story sprinkled with some lies to comfort her, then gives her water from the fountain. Jaqen watches, and is obviously impressed, as he takes her to the Hall of Faces. This a eerie looking place, as it contains the faces of all those people who are brought there. As Arya takes it all in, Jaqen tells her that although she's not ready to be no-one, she's ready to be someone else. She's advanced to the next level of her training.
In Essos, Jorah and Tyrion continue to be an entertaining duo. Tyrion can't stop talking, and Iain Glen just gives this brilliant "Do you ever shut up?". Tyrion tells Jorah that he came across the Narrow Sea in a crate, and why that is. As Tyrion tells Jorah about killing Tywin and Tywin fucking Shae, Jorah finds he relates. Tyrion also mentions Jorah's father (the old Lord Commander at the wall in case you forgot) and his death. Jorah is distraught by the news, especially since his father was killed by his own men. Jorah decides it's time to pack up and get moving. As they continue their journey, Tyrion questions why Jorah is supporting Daenerys. Jorah answers because he believes in her, especially after all he's been through with her. Tyrion brings up more good points against this, like will there be 1000 years of peace? Is he the rightful heir because her father, who burned men alive for amusement, was king? This is cut short by a band of slavers however. But Tyrion shows once again what a clever little bastard he is by convincing the slavers to take Jorah to Meereen for the fighting pits, and also to not cut his cock off to sell to a superstitious merchant.
In King's Landing, Littlefinger arrives and is briefly stopped by Lancel. Lancel explains that King's Landing is a new city, a subtle, or perhaps not so subtle, threat towards Littlefinger. Littlefinger simply brushes it off and reminds lancel he has an appointment with Cercei. Lancel let's him through. Littlefinger then has a long discussion with Cercei about the arrest of Loras, and even throws a few subtle japes about her relationship with Jaime. Littlefinger then reveals to her that Sansa is in Winterfell, and about to be wed to Ramsay Bolton (we'll get to that). Cercei is enraged, and wants to skin Roose and Ramsay like the man on their banner. Littlefinger counsels patience, and offers to send the knights of the vale to take Winterfell after Roose and Stannis battle each other. His only condition, to be named Warden of the North. Littlefinger. you sly motherfucker.
Meanwhile, Olenna Tyrell is back! Good to see ya again Queen of Thorns. After hearing about Loras' arrest, she has returned to the capital. After a little talk with Margaery, she goes to see Cercei. Cercei tries to bullshit her way out of it, but Olenna ain't having none of it. Olenna even downright insults Cercei to her face, calling her "The Famous tart, queen Cercei". Cercei tries so hard to bullshit Olenna, but Olenna ain't falling for any of it. She even reminds Cercei that it's her House's food, troops, ad cash that's keeping Cercei and her family afloat. Olenna wants her house's future back, and she's not interested in Cercei's bullshit. Cercei finally decides to stop bullshitting and tells Olenna that there'll be a small hearing for Loras. At the hearing, the High Sparrow (now septon I suppose) questions Loras and Margaery, both assuring him that the rumors are lies. Then the High Sparrow brings in Olyvar, who spills the beans on his and Loras' relationship and that Margaery walked in on them once. Showing that Loras is indeed a homosexual, and Margaery was lying when she swore to the Seven to be truthful. The High Sparrow has them both arrested. Tommen doesn't know what to do and simply lets it happen. Olenna gives a venomous look at Cercei. Cercei thinks she's won, but she's only dug her grave even deeper.
In Dorne, Jaime and Bronn arrive at Sunspear, blending in by wearing the uniforms of the soldiers they killed. They find Myrcella but Myrcella actually loves her future husband, Trystane Martell. Trystane notices that there's blood on their uniforms and tries to draw his sword, but Bronn knocks him out before he can. And before Jaime and Bronn can get away with Myrcella (who refuses to leave) the Sand Snakes jump them. Now, a lot of people seem to think this fight absolutely sucks, but I think it's fine. But before they can actually kill each other, Areo Hotah comes in and breaks it up, arresting Jaime, Bronn and the Sand Snakes.
And now we get to the scene that book-readers and show watchers have been dreading since Littlefinger revealed his marriage proposal to Sansa in episode 3. Sansa is going to marry Ramsay Snow. But before that, she needs a bath. Myranda is sent for this. She tries to threaten Sansa by telling her about all of Ramsay's other girls. Sansa figures her out right away and reminds her that she's a Stark of Wimterfell, and she ain't gonna be frightened by Myranda. Way to go Sansa! Though Myranda's one thing, Ramsay's something else entirely. This scene man, after the wedding ceremony by the heart tree, Ramsay takes Sansa to be bedded. He makes Theon watch as he rips Sansa's dress off, and forces himself on her. This scene was very hard to watch, but it is an incredible scene. Sophie Turner, Alfie Allen and Iwan Rheon give amazing performances, but man, it's meant to be a deplorable scene and it does it well, Theon's reaction was probably the audiences reaction as well. But at least the audience didn't see it. Does it turn back all of Sansa's character development from season 4? Well, for now I can only say, no. We're not sure how this will affect Sansa in the rest of the season, and besides, she knew she would have to consummate the marriage. It being so unpleasant has probably strengthened her desire to bring the Bolton's down, in any way she can. And she's in the best position to do that. We'll just have to wait and see in the next episodes.
Season 5 Episode rating:
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 - The Dorne stuff was alright, and the Sansa scene was truly hard to watch. But Arya's, Cercei's, and Tyrion and Jorah's scenes were as great as ever.
Kill The Boy - 10/10
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10
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