Dragons Defenders Of Berk Reviews: Episode 12 - The Flight Stuff

Gustav, a kid whose been a mostly irrelevant background character, sneaks in to the academy on the back of a sheep with a mounted flame-thrower and fake wings. Imagine if kids had as much imagination as this kid? But his shenanigans cause the water tub to catch on fire. He asks his sheep what to do, it does the smart thing and runs off, avoiding any blame. 

Hiccup manages to come just in time however, he also tells Gustav for the 500 billionth time that he can't play in the academy. Gustav says he wasn't fucking around in a place he shouldn't be fucking around in, he was dragon training. Snotlout takes this as a sign that letting Gustav into his inner circle has made Gustav want to become like Snotlout. Astrid finds this concept vomit-inducing because for any sane, rational human being, the last thing they want to be is Snotlout. 

Gustav denies he wants to be like Snotlout, he just says he wants to be a dragon rider. Snotlout says that all the positions have been filled already, unless one of them dies an unexpected and horribly brutal death, or if it's a prophesied certainty. 

I'm gonna die! It's a prophesied certainty!

Hiccup and the others tell Snotlout to calm his tits, they're having a meeting about ways to assassinate Dagur (glad he hasn't been immediately forgotten after the last game-changing episode), Tuffnut mistakes Hiccup's wording for Dagur being on Berk.  But Snotlout can't calm down, he's seen three of the five signposts of Valhalla, meaning he's going to die soon. The others tell him they already know, and are eagerly anticipating it. Snotlout can't believe they'd rather talk about Dagur than one of their most valuable, inexpendable, indisposable warriors. They tell him to look on the bright side, he'll be in eternal paradise, and so will they. 

Snotlout tells them to goof around all they want, but what will poor, lost Hookfang do without him? There's plenty of opportunities for him I'd imagine. And it turns out Snotlout's already got it covered, Gustav will take his place. Astrid wants to know whether Gustav will be as obnoxious as Snotlout. Hiccup tries to tell Snotlout that he didn't see the signposts of Valhalla, but Snotlout says he's already seen the flying fish, the weeping rock and the singing trees. Fishlegs comes up with logical explanations for all of those and Astrid tells him that the five signposts of Valhalla only happen to great warriors. 

Pfff, obviously! . . . What's that strange soaring sound
going over my head?

Regardless of all this crap, Hiccup tells Snotlout he just can't find someone to replace him. Snotlout complains that's because they threw out his original plan, which was to have Hookfang buried with him. He thinks that Hookfang would gladly sacrifice himself for his master. Hookfang smacks the shit out his master instead. 

Hiccup decides, for the sake of argument,  that Snotlout did in fact see three of the signposts of Valhalla. It don't mean shit! At least until a dead chicken falls from the sky randomly. It's the fourth signpost the bird of death. Snotlout thinks his death is assured now, he tells Gustav his training is beginning soon. Hiccup decides to just go with it since he and the others are going on a scouting mission to Outcast Island. He tells Snotlout not to bring anyone else with him to eternal paradise. Snotlout makes no promises. 

The others head on over to Outcast Island. They land not too far away and observe through their spyglasses. The Berserkers are building something big, but they know whatever it is it ain't good. Ruff and Tuff propose a course of action. 

- I say we charge in and blow shit up!
- I see nothing wrong with this plan!

Hiccup reminds them that they don't shoot first and ask questions later. Ruff and Tuff, however, never ask questions. Regardless, Hiccup says they're to hang back and only observe, to see whether the thing the Berserker's are constructing will be a problem or not. Tuffnut asks if they blow it up then. Hiccup sighs. 

Back at Berk, Snotlout is guiding Gustav through the steps of dragon training. He however makes a preposterous claim that the Monstrous Nightmare is the most lethal dragon in existence. Bullshit! We all know that the Night Fury, followed closely by the Skrill, is the most lethal dragon! 

Snotlout's . . . "knowledge" on how to train a dragon he passes on to Gustav is equally preposterous. Snotlout claims that the proper way to mount a dragon is in a way that the dragon knows for sure that it's your bitch. He demonstrates this on Hookfang well enough, then gets Gustav to try it out. Gustav trips and falls before he can attempt to let Hookfang know whose boss. But Hookfang decides he's the boss without all that "show them who's the boss" crap. He lifts Gustav on his back willingly, whether because he actually likes Gustav or because he just loves fucking with Snotlout is uncertain. 

Snotlout continues on his lessons to Gustav in all the wrong ways. The others are back and are watching with eager anticipation as Snotlout fails in being a teacher. 

A-grade teaching at its finest.

With Gustav's training "complete", Snotlout decides it's time to make his big announcement. He passes on his legacy to Gustav, he tells the others to remember him with joy in their hearts and remember all the great times they had together. That'd be easy, as there is nothing to remember. he prays for Thor to watch over Gustav with lightning and his awesome hammer. 

Hiccup's decided that the joke has gone on long enough and tells Snotlout that he's not dying. 
Snotlout tells him that denial is just part of the grieving process. Hiccup goes on, saying that no one vested any power in him to make Gustav his replacement. Hiccup doesn't feel Gustav is ready to be a dragon rider. So then, teach him. Show him the stuff, show him the steps. That's what you started the Academy for, didn't you? I've been waiting for something like this since day one. 

Snotlout is still not convinced, nobody's perfect, except him of course. Fishlegs is afraid of heights, the Twins can't count past three and Astrid has anger issues. Hiccup . . . well Snotlout feels like he's said enough. Hiccup once again tries to tell Snotlout that he's not dying, right before the 5th signpost of Valhalla comes running into the Acadaemy, the Shepherd's Curse. 

See you all in Valhalla!

Snotlout wakes up to what he thinks is Valhalla, with sheep and Hiccup and Astrid. He thinks Valhalla totally sucks. Hiccup tells him that it's still Berk and he just passed out. Snotlout is not still convinced that's he's going to die soon. He implores that Hiccup let Gustav take his place. Hiccup says that Gustav isn't taking Snotlout's place, since he's . . . not ready? Why? 

Gustav takes the words right out of my mouth and tells Hiccup off. To hell with taking Snotlout's place, he says to train him anyway! He says that it's supposed to be a Dragon Training Academy, so why don't they start with teaching Gustav to be a rider? Hiccup tells Gustav that the academy was made out of timing and necessity and it's seems pretty clear that there is no reason why they can't teach Gustav and Hiccup's just pulling this out of his ass for . . . whatever reason. And Tuffnut even points out that Stoick gave them the Academy and called it the Dragon Training Academy, which Hiccup doesn't find helpful. 

Hiccup then goes onto excrete some more bullshit by saying that they became Dragon Riders by doing foolhardy shit and experimenting. Ruffnut doesn't help by saying that shit was totally awesome. Astrid and Fishlegs back Hiccup's verbal diarrhoea by saying that Gustav needs experience in order to become a Dragon Rider. This . . . makes  . . . no . . . sense! 

How is he supposed to get experience if he doesn't have a dragon and if he isn't taught the 'how to train a dragon' part? Why don't they just teach him the stuff?! They learned so much about training dragons and the Academy should be for passing that knowledge onto the next generation! With Hiccup teaching him, he'll be a pro in no time. But no, Hiccup is just pulling excuses out of his for . . . some reason! Hiccup do you have no vision! You should be jumping at the opportunity to take in a student! All you've done with the academy is having guessing games and going over shit you already know with the same five people!  It's like applying for your first job, then the manager refuses and says "you need experience first", well how am I supposed to get experience if you won't hire me you stupid asshole!

You'll pay the price for your lack of vision!

Well, that ain't stopping Gustav, if the Academy is going to be like that he'll get the damn experience on his won. Snotlout decides to go back to plan a, burying himself with Hookfang. 

So Gustav is going out on his own to find a dragon. he comes across some Terrible Terrors but think they're totally lame. They kick his ass for thinking so. He then comes across the Punk Ass Nadder from The Night And The Fury, that poor Nadder just can't seem to catch a break with Berkian folk. Fortunately for him Gustav simply thinks he's too spiny and the Punk Ass Nadder shoots his spines at Gustav for that comment. 

Gustav then gets a bit of luck, he finds a purple Monstrous Nightmare. Gustav decides he's going to try and train it. But he had a poor teacher, and his attempts go about as well as you'd expect. If he had Hiccup as a teacher, this could have gone a lot better. But no, Hiccup is just making excuses for god knows what reason! 

Speaking of which, Hiccup and the others are back at the . . . "Academy" planning out how they're going to deal with Dagur's new weapon. Snotlout however to still too preoccupied with his funeral and tells Ruff and Tuff to gather wood for the pyre. 

I thought we were burying you alive? You mean we dug
this big hole for nothing?

Gustav then arrives on the back of the purple Monstrous Nightmare, that quickly flings him off. Ruff and Tuff are dumbstruck at seeing a miniature Snotlout and Hookfang fly in. Hiccup asks him what the fuck he's doing? Gustav tells him off once again, since Hiccup wouldn't teach him, he found his own dragon and trained it himself. Snotlout is proud of how Gustav defies authority, and on that Snotlout and I can agree. Hiccup tells Gustav that they're ideas on trained are very different . . . 

. . . 

. . .

THEN TEACH HIM HOW!!! YOU FUCKING DOLT!!!! TEACH HIM!!!!!

Gustav then introduces the Dragon he found as Fanghook, a rather unimaginative rip-off of Hookfang's name. Snotlout is not impressed, he demands to know if Gustav has any respect for authority. Oh you dumb, lovable hypocrite you. Hiccup explains to Gustav that there's more to being a Dragon Rider than getting on its back, you have to form a bond/friendship. Refer to the big ass bold text above. 

Gustav thinks he has that all covered however and once again goes about it in the completely wrong way. Fishlegs suggests to Hiccup that letting Gustav replace Snotlout may not be such a bad idea, since it would show Snotlout how easily he can be replaced. Astrid's in on it, and even Hiccup turns around to the idea. So in other words, now he accepts Gustav's proposal for the entirely wrong reasons. 

Hiccup tells Snotlout that's he right about Gustav and gives Gustav an exercise. He marks an X in the floor and tells Gustav to lap around the Academy to the X. Gustav of course fails horribly at this, but Hiccup praises Gustav to piss off Snotlout. You unbelievable asshole, Hiccup. 

Hiccup continues on this folly, giving Gustav a target exercise this time. Gustav of course fails horribly once again. Snotlout takes solace in this, but Hiccup praises Gustav once again pissing off Snotlout. Snotlout threatens they're setting up the next Chief Rebellion for this, but Ruff and Tuff claim that this time they'll win. Snotlout thinks this is a bunch of bullshit, Astrid reminds him they're just following the wishes of a great warrior. Tuff also reminds him that there's no need to replace him, as he's already dead. 

Snotlout decides to put Gustav through their obstacle courses. Gustav does manage to last for a bit, but then he hits a branch and fails miserably. Snotlout gives a G for Failure. Wait . . .  
Astrid pours some water on Gustav to wake him up but Ruff says not to use water, since it'll shrink mini-Snotlout even more. Gustav asks how he did, Snotlout informs him he failed miserably as excepted. But Astrid still praises his efforts and reminds him he'll make an excellent replacement for Snotlout. Snotlout starts to get the idea that they're trying to convince him he's not dying and asks what kind of friends they are?

Hiccup tells Snotlout that perhaps he did see the Signposts of Valhalla, maybe he will die someday and to stop scratching his ass while he's talking. Snotlout can't help it because his pants are full of rod grass, the Twins told him it prevents saddle chaffing. Hiccup quickly puts together that The Twins were just fucking with Snotlout since sheep are attracted to Rod Grass and Barf and Belch drop a bunch of chickens from the ceiling. Snotlout doesn't get it at first, but when Hiccup makes it clear for him, he praises his perfection in relief. This, unfortunately for Gustav, means that Snotlout doesn't have to be replaced. Gustav takes this hard, he always wanted to be a dragon rider. 

Well, why do you need to be in the academy to be a dragon rider? What, is that a requirement for being a dragon rider or else you can't ride a dragon? Then  how are there supposed to be more dragon riders if there's apparently only enough room for the original six?! How are they supposed to pass on their knowledge of training dragons if they won't fucking pass it on! "Dragon Training Academy" my hairy ballsack! It should be called "Dragon Training Knowledge Hoarding Facility", that'd at least be more fitting. And where does this leave Gustav?

And don't come back, ya queer!

Just as Gustav is thrown out, Stoick walks in and informs Hiccup that Trader Johann brought him some intel on Dagur's new weapon. Hiccup decides he's going to Outcast Island with two riders in order to scout. Gustav overhears them and decides to bring Fanghook to Outcast Island to engage the enemy and show those uppity pricks he's worth something. 

At Outcast Island, Hiccup is observing the weapon through his spyglass. he notices a shit ton of Berserkers and asks how they're going to distract them. Astrid offers herself up as a distraction and teases the Berserker soldiers into following her. Dagur makes the scene and demands to know what the fuck is going on. Savage informs him that a single dragon rider has been spotted. Dagur excitedly asks if it's the Night Fury, but Savage tells him it was the girl. Dagur seems equally pleased with this revelation. 

With Dagur's forces seemingly distracted, Hiccup and Snotlout decide to move in. Savage alerts Dagur to their presence, Dagur wants Hiccup all to himself and also thinks he's so damn predictable. As Hiccup and Snotlout get closer to the weapon . . . 

. . . 

Dagur springs his trap on Hiccup and Snotlout, raining fire down upon them. However, Gustav shows up and saves the day by confusing the hell out of the enemy, including Dagur. Gustav does rather well at first, but then gets caught by Dagur's Netter. Dagur tells his troops to save it for Hiccup, he wants the Night Fury. 

Hiccup and Snotlout are in a dilemma, or well, Snotlout doesn't see it that way. He sees it as a solution to the Gustav problem and suggests leaving him. Hiccup calls him a heartless ass hat and goes off to save Gustav. As Snotlout grills Dagur's men, Hiccup tells Gustav to shout his battle cry. Fanghook frees himself and Gustav, who decides to high tail it out of there. With Hiccup distracted, Dagur manages to net him and bring him down. 

With Hiccup at Dagur's mercy, Snotlout moves in. He coerces Gustav into helping by reminding him that if he wants experience, this is how he gets it. Gustav agrees and goes with Snotlout. As Dagur is gleefully savouring every moment till he slices Toothless' head off, Snotlout and Gustav ride in and forcefully disperse Dagur's men. Toothless and Hiccup free themselves and together with Snotlout and Gustav, they destroy Dagur's netter. 

Dagur is distraught by the results of his perfectly thought out plan. Savage suggests that perhaps the fault lied in the execution. 

Execution, you say?

Now we're talking!

As Dagur is supposedly cutting some motherfuckers up, Hiccup tells Snotlout and Gustav that they did good. Back at the Academy, Hiccup gives Stoick the After-Action report and decides to let Gustav into the Academy as an student, more or less. he makes up a bunch of titles for him that makes him relevant but not an official part of the Academy. One of the conditions being that he can't go flying without authorization, oh and he has to let Fanghook go since apparently they aren't ready yet. 

JUST FUCKING TEACH GUSTAV THE BASICS SO HE WILL BE READY, DAMMIT!!! WHY DON'T YOU . . .

You know what, fuck it. My point has been made. And Gustav decides to keep him and train with him on his own time anyway. That'll stick it to them good. 

Summary

Ever since the very first episode of this show, I've been waiting for an episode where Hiccup uses his brand new Academy for passing his knowledge of training dragons onto a new generation. Hell, I thought this was why he set the whole damn thing up. I thought this was finally going to be that episode. But for whatever reason, Hiccup's so damn set against it. Why? This is so stupid for reasons I've already explained well enough already. 

But this episode was still entertaining, Gustav is fleshed out this episode and I want him to have a bigger role, though this unfortunately probably won't happen. Any episode involving the group crewing with Snotlout is a great episode. But it still doesn't make up for Hiccup's poor handling of the Gustav situation. 

The episode's saving grace is Dagur of course. His small appearance at the end alone made the episode worth watching. And it probably saved this episode from being a 6/10. 

7/10