Video Game Review: Fallout 4

The long sleepless nights are finally over. But you know what, Fallout 4 was worth suffering every second of them.

Video Game Review: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - Hearts of Stone

Title: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt - Hearts of Stone
Developers: CD Projekt Red
Publisher: Warner Brothers Interactive
Genre: Action Role-Playing-Game
Platforms: PC, Playstation 4, Xbox One
Reviewed On: PC
Price: $9.99 ($7.99 on GOG.com, once again, for you PC people)

NOTE: Hearts of Stone Requires The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt to Run. Do not buy it if you don't own The Witcher 3.

It's not very often I find DLC for games very satisifying, nevermind worth writing a review for. This year has been especially true for this. Not to say it's all bad, there just really isn't a lot to say about it. Once again, I get to ramble on about how great The Witcher 3 is (seriously, if you own a strong PC or one of the new consoles, pick up The Witcher 3, you won't regret it) with this new DLC, Hearts of Stone. It has everything in it that made The Witcher 3 great, and as always, CD Projekt Red doesn't feel the need to gouge you for that hard earned cash in your wallet.

As always, the writing in Hearts of Stone is top notch. None of the major characters are as they seem, and have some mystery or hidden past to them. Some I somewhat expected, some not so much. One main character has a bit of a generic storied past to him, but it's fleshed out in so much delicious detail that I feel a bit bad for saying that. It's difficult to talk about without spoilers, but at the end of it, he feels like one of the most detailed and fleshed out characters in the entire video game. For all the 2 of you Witcher veterans reading this, a certain red-headed medic makes a return, and plays an important part in the plot.

I rambled about the characters, but I should also ramble about the storyline, and how much enjoyment I had going through it. It starts out somewhat slow, with a fairly basic monster contract, but gains momentum and doesn't stop. You get a little bit of everything, from weddings to heists, each with it's own little Witcher twists. The wedding in particular had laughing from start to end, and is a highlight of the DLC.

I could ramble on about the story forever, but this is a game, and we need to talk about the gameplay. There aren't a ton of new base mechanics or anything like that to relearn, much of the gameplay is just more content for you to talk and slice your way through. Several new enemy types are introduced, and even better, they are actual new types, instead of reworked old versions of monsters. There's two new types, one are spiders, who will poke in and out of darkness to bite you, and only fully attack when you they are in a group. They are incredibly annoying, and are a blast to fight. The other is a massive toad, and those of you familiar with older Fantasy tales might see where that is going.

The biggest new addition though, is the Runewright. Using upgrade runes from the base game, you can create new upgrades for your weapons, which allow you to alter the ways your weapons and abilities behave, allowing more player customization than the base game. The runes in the base game kinda failed in this regard, and were mostly for small base stat upgrades, the Runewright remedies this however.

But what about the problems? Everything has some flaws or missteps, and Hearts of Stone is no different. The story takes a bit to really get rolling, and it seems the health of some enemies, or the damage they take is a bit off. This made the toad boss fight pretty rough, as it seems that all I could do was grind away at it's massive health pool, and it got old pretty quick. The same goes for some human enemies, though not nearly as bad, yet it's still noticeable. While these are annoying, they don't ruin the storyline or the characterization, which are top notch.

Once again, CD Projekt Red shows that they are willing to treat their customers with respect. For the price of a Subway footlong, you get a great piece of additional content that gels perfectly with the rest of the game. While it has it flaws, they don't make this any less worthy of your cash. With it's 10ish hours of high quality content, it's definitely worth the cash, and if you are even a remote fan of the base game, you will enjoy this.

The Pros:

• Fantastic Characters
• Improved Customization
• Thrilling Storyline

The Cons:

• Slow Start
• Some Wonky Difficulty

Final Score: 9.5 out of 10

TV Review: Spartacus War Of The Damned (2013)

The Final season of Spartacus, War Of The Damned, sees Spartacus' army grow, but with it more problems and an entirely new adversary. 

TV Review: Spartacus Vengeance (2012)

Due to Andy Whitefield's death, Starz was forced to recast the role of Spartacus for Spartacus Vengeance. How did it turn out?

TV Review: Spartacus Gods Of The Arena (2011)

While waiting for Andy Whitefield to recover from cancer, Starz produced Gods Of The Arena, a six-episode prequel to Blood and Sand.

TV Review: Spartacus Blood And Sand (2010)

Spartacus, a show that is eerily similar to 300, what with the slow-mo overload and all, but manages to be what 300 kinda wasn't; A brilliantly written, acted, and paced epic.

TV Review: Game Of Thrones Season 5 Review

Another season of Game Of Throne has passed, and I'm gonna give my opinion on it. 

Movie Review: Jurassic World (2015)

Is it Jurassic Park? Hell no, but Jurassic World knew it wasn't. And it's still a good movie in it's own right. 

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E10 - Mother's Mercy

This week on Game Of Thrones, Stannis marches on Winterfell, Sansa makes a daring escape (Oh shit, is that a spoiler?) Cercei confesses to the High Sparrow and must atone for her sins. Jorah and Daario set out to find Daenerys and leave Tyrion to govern Meereen. Daenerys crosses paths with some familiar faces. Jon is in for a nasty surprise. 





Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)





Well, that sea of Stannis fanboy tears has gotten even bigger! 

Ohh, yes! This pleases me. 

For as much as you pretentious twats love to call D&D hacks and character assassinators or whatever other stupid terms you guys use, you should consider yourselves lucky I don't write this show. If I wrote this show, I would make Ramsay defeat Stannis with only 20 men and single-handedly bring Stannis down shirtless and convered in war-paint. Then Stannis would become the next Reek. And I would do this solely for the express purpose of pissing you off. I give props to Dave and Dan for taking Stannis in a direction that has you losing your shit! Keep it up D&D!

But my raging hate boner for whiney bitch book purists aside, I like Stannis in the books and I'm definitely rooting for him. And whatever happened with Stannis in the show does not affect that in the slightest. Because unlike book purists, those dumb fuck imbeciles, I can separate the books and the TV show and love them based on their own merits. What all this complaining boils down to is, "This isn't like the books word-for-word, I don't like the direction the show is taking this character, therefore it's shit writing, D&D are hacks, they're worse than Genocide, they're butchering my oh-so-perfect precious books that nothing on earth could possibly touch because they're so god damn amazing and mindblowing and George RR Martin never makes a mistake but D&D are the biggest hacks in the world, blah blah blah blah blah!" Who fucking cares?! Jesus, this whole thing so far is just me hating on book purists. But can you blame me? They're. So. FUCKING. ANNOYING!!!!! OK, let's get back on track. 

So, it looks like Shireen's sacrifice has worked. The snow is melting, the storm has lifted and Melisandre has promised Stannis that the throne will be his, but Stannis feels guilty about burning his daughter and isn't consoled by Melisandre's bold words. To make matters even worse, it turns out half his army, including all the sellswords he hired, has deserted. Taking all the horses with them as well. As if that wasn't bad enough, Stannis' wife Selyse has hung herself. And if that wasn't bad enough, now Melisandre has abandoned him as well. With only half his army left and nothing to live for, Stannis decides to march forward. This is noticed by Brienne and Podrick, who decides to avenge Renly instead of saving Sansa. Who, before I forget, manages to use that corkscrew to pick the lock on her door and light the candle in the tower. Just before Brienne leaves to confront Stannis. As Stannis' army assembles for a siege, the Bolton cavalry rides out to meet them.Stannis was absolutely great in this scene. He saw it was hopeless, but he drew his sword and marched forward to face the Bolton's anyway. That's just how I would imagine Stannis from the books going down. Even if he lost, and Brienne (possibly) killed him, he didn't go down fleeing or begging for mercy. And his last moment was one of his most human. I'd say Stannis was done justice in this scene. 

Meanwhile, Sansa loses all hope seeing Stannis' army annihilated. She tries to find any way out of Winterfell, but Myranda (Ramsay's girlfriend in case you forgot) catches her and aims a bow at her. Reek tries to get Sansa to comply, but Sansa refuses. She'd rather die while there was still some of her left. Myranda is unphased, she'll keep Sansa alive because Ramsay needs her. At least until she gives Ramsay some heirs, and she doesn't need all of her parts for that. This manages to snap Theon out of his Reek persona. He throws Myranda off the parapet to her death. Realising their both fucked when Ramsay gets back, Theon and Sansa make one last desperate escape/suicide. They hold hands and they jump off the walls of Winterfell.

In Braavos, Meryn Trant is inspecting a new batch of girls for his pleasure. He beats them, seeing which one is the most interesting. The last one doesn't cry when he beats her. He sends the other two away and continues to beat the third girl. But then, the girl peels off her face. It's Arya! She stabs the shit out of Trant's eyes and reminds him who she is. She gives one last fuck you before she slits his throat. Damn, Maisie Williams just kills it in this scene. But, Arya's little assasination didn't go unnoticed by Jaqen and the Waif. It looks like Jaqen is about to give her poison, but he drinks it himself. Arya is distraught, but it turns out that man who just drank the poison wasn't Jaqen, but herself. As she discovers when she pulls off all the faces until she finds her own. She then begins to go blind. This is her punishment for taking a face while she was still someone.

In Dorne, Jaime, Myrcella, Trystane and Bronn depart for King's Landing. Bronn gets a last minute booty call from Tyene first, and Myrcella gets a kiss from Ellaria. They depart. Jaime decides to use this time to have a heart-to-heart with Myrcella. He tries to tell her about her true parentage, or at least I think he is, but is failing horribly at spitting it out. Luckily for him, he doesn't need to. Myrcella already knows and she's glad. In a rather heartwarming moment, she hugs her father and he embraces her. But this moment is cut short by Myrcella suffering from the poison Tyene injected Bronn with earlier. And it turns out, Ellaria had it on her lips when she kissed Myrcella. Looks like they'll get the war they wanted. 

Back in Meereen, Tyrion, Daario and Jorah talk about what to do about Daenerys and the city potentially falling apart. Daario and Jorah decide to go after Daenerys. At first Tyrion is insistent on going as well, but he's forced to stay behind and govern an increasingly unstable Meereen, with Missandei's and Grey Worm's help. As Tyrion watches Jorah and Daario set off, in comes Varys! Like Tyrion, I very much missed Varys. So that leaves Tyrion and Varys to govern a city rife with violence and corruption, something they both have plentiful experience with. They got this. 

Elsewhere, Dany is with Drogon, trying to get him up and moving. But like a teenager who just wants to sleep for another five minutes, he refuses to get up. After some humorous and fruitless attempts to get him moving, she just decides to give up and go find some food for herself. As she wanders, she comes across a Khalasar of Dothraki. She pulls off her wedding ring and drops it. Symbolism for her returning to her Dothraki roots? She just left it there so she could trapped? We'll have to wait until next season. 

In King's Landing, Cercei finally gives in and confesses to the High Sparrow. The High Sparrow accepts, but not before she has to go through the Walk Of Shame, where Cercei is stripped and is forced to walk through the whole city naked. This was one moment that I think most Book Readers were eagerly anticipating. And, it's a spectacular moment. Lena Headey deserves an emmy for this scene. She just kills it with her facial expressions as Cercei's pride is stripped away. I actually felt a little sorry for her. A little. And at the end, we get Robert Strong! The only thing I was disappointed with was they didn't use that amazing Atonement track from the Soundtrack. 

And last but not least, Sam asks Jon to send him to Oldtown so he can become a Maester. Jon agrees reluctantly, as he feels Sam is the only one he can trust. But, bet it as it may, Jon lets Sam depart for Oldtown and take Gilly and the baby with him. Later, he gets an earful from Davos asking Jon to send aid to Stannis. When Jon refuses direct aid, Davos asks him about the Wildlings, but Jon is firmly against it. It isn't their fight. Just then, Melisandre arrives at Castle Black. Jon and Davos ask about Stannis and Shireen, her sullen silence is all the answers they need. And I find her facial expressions interesting here. Is she feeling guilt? Is she perhaps questioning her own faith? 

And then we get For the Watch. Olly tells Jon that a Wilding has information about his uncle Benjen (From Season 1 in case you forgot). But Jon only finds a sign that says 'Traitor' and Alliser Thorne and other Night's Watchmen with knives. They stab him to death Caesar style with Olly delivering the final blow. As a book reader, I knew this moment was coming. But man, it didn't make it any less hard to watch. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
Mother's Mercy - 9.5/10 - I'm giving it a 9.5 simply because there was way too many cliffhangers. It was still a fantastic episode and a great end to another great season. Now I have to wait another year to find out what happens next. The Horror!
The Dance Of The Dragons - 10/10 
Hardhome - 10/10 
The Gift - 10/10 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E09 - The Dance Of Dragons

This week on Game Of Thrones, Ramsay carries out his little raid on Stannis' camp, forcing Stannis to make a horrible decision. Jon Snow returns to the Wall. Jaime has a long talk with Doran Martell. Arya crosses paths with a very familiar face. Daenerys hosts the Great Games in Daznak's Pit. 




Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)




This just in, Scientists are reporting the formation of an entirely new sea, comprised of the tears of Stannis fanboys!

Woe is them.

 So yeah, let's talk about that scene. Ramsay hits Stannis' camp hard, burning down dozens of tents and much of their precious supplies. As if things weren't bad enough for Stannis with the blizzard, being stuck in the middle of nowhere, hundreds of men abandoning him, now his situation is even worse! Unless he does something, his army will freeze to death and/or mutiny. And what he does brings him to a point of no return, and his mindless, rabid fans frothing at their mouths. He has Shireen burned to improve his situation. Man, this was such a hard scene to watch. Shireen was built up enough this season that her death hit you hard, and Stannis clearly loved his daughter. But, when he chooses his ambition over his family, it's heartwrenching. Hell, it's appalling! He's convinced that he has a destiny, to become king and fight the White Walkers, and he's willing to do anything to accomplish that. I don't think he's strayed into pure villain territory, because he clearly did not relish in that decision and I can see why he did it. But yeah, unless he slips into a deep depression and maybe even drinks heavily and constantly considers suicide, he's pretty much irredeemable at this point. And when Melisandre just smiles at Shireen's burning corpse, I hope for nothing for the worst for that red bitch, and really, this was all her doing. Her and her fucking Lord Of Light. If it wasn't obvious Melisandre and her god were trouble before, it sure is now. 

Now, if you've read any of my earlier blogs on previous episodes, I think you'll know that I'm a book-reader. But that I'm also not some drooling, mindless book nerd who resorts to personal insults against David Benioff and D.B. Weiss because I don't like the changes. Actually, that would imply I give a fuck about the changes. I don't give a shit about the changes. As far as I'm concerned, all the whiney bitch book purists who stoop so low as to personally insult D&D can all go fuck themselves. Sorry, but you're dumb! Take those books that are oh-so-perfect, and shove them up your pretentious assholes! And I'm saying this as someone who absolutely loves the books. But I forget myself, this is another change that I don't mind at all. Stannis in the books might not have done this (for all we know, he might. Since burning Shireen was George RR Martin's idea), but in the show, it took Stannis' character in a new direction. How will this effect him in the future? In the end, if the sacrifice works, will it all have been worth it? Will this eat his from the inside? Itll probably play out like a Greek Tragedy, and actually has some similarities with one. And I think that's what an adaptation should do. Adapt a story for the screen, but also explore some possibilities and directions that weren't present in the source material. More importantly, the writers should take the story, and make it their own. Like what Walt Disney did with many of his animated adaptations (perhaps an inappropriate comparison, given the entirely different subject matter, but it's the best example I could think of). 

Back at the Wall, Jon Snow arrives outside Castle Black with the Free Folk he saved last episode. Ser Alliser is at the top of the Wall, sharing a long dirty stare with Jon Snow. Instead of doing what he wants to do however, he opens the gate for Jon and the Wildlings. Oh and Wun-Wun (the giant in case you forgot). As the Wildling's march through the gate, Jon tells Sam he didn't save enough. Sam tries to console Jon by pointing out he didn't fail the very people marching through the gate. But Jon ain't feeling it, he's feeling the Night's Watch dicks giving him nasty looks even less. Ser Alliser chews him out for being soft-hearted. Jon, tell that motherfucker what you saw and set him and every other naysayer straight!

In Dorne, Jaime is invited by Doran to dinner. Jaime apologises to Trystane for what happened, and has a talk with Doran about what Jaime was in Dorne at all for. Jaime tells Doran about the Lion Pendant in the Viper's Jaws that was sent to them. Doran immediately looks at Ellaria. While Doran is trying to be reasonable about all of this, Ellaria refuses to even be in the same room as a Lannister, and calls Doran spineless for sending Myrcella and Trystane back with Jaime. Doran just gives her a cold stare, and threatens to have her killed if she doesn't behave. Jaime has one last request, that Bronn be set free. Doran lets Trystane decide. Trystane decides to free Bronn, on one condition. After a fun little scene with the Sand Snakes in jail, Bronn is taken to Doran and we find out what the condition was. Bronn getting punched in the face. You know, Dorne is improving. It wasn't the best at first, but it's improving. 

In Braavos, Arya is preparing to off that old fuck who bought oysters from her last episode. But then, she sees Mace Tyrell dock with Meryn Trant. She no longer gives a shit about her duties as a faceless man. She stalks Meryn all the way to a brothel. Meryn Trant inspects all the prostitutes they bring him, but they're all too old. Until they find a little girl that's just right for Meryn. Sick fuck. Arya goes back to the House of Black and White and lies to Jaqen. I'm not sure if he's fallen for it or not. 

And then we get to the ending, Daznak's Pit. Which, came right after Shireen's burning. Which is kinda funny, seeing as that was so gut-wrenchingly horrible, and the last scene is rather uplifting. We finally get to see the Great games in the Pit Of Daznak. There's some really great swordplay in this scene, and some great back and forth between Dany, Hizdhar, Tyrion and Daario. And then Ser Jorah enters the Pits, and I just love Emilia and Iain Glenn's acting here. And I especially love Jorah's fight. And in a moment that pretty much proves Jorah's devotion to her, he hurls a spear at a Son Of The Harpy that was about to shank her. At that moment, Dozens of Harpy's reveal themselves among the audience. All hell breaks loose, and our heroes are surrounded by dozens of Harpy's. All hope seems lost. Then, what's that? A roar in the distance? It's Drogon! I admit, it's easy to see here that most of the season's budget went into Hardhome last week, but it's still a damn fine scene. Even if it isn't the best CGI we've seen on the show. It's the emotions of the characters and the atmosphere of the moment that counts, and it's pulled off masterfully here. Ramin Djwadi's Breaker Of Chains theme fits incredibly well with this moment. And, this moment did happen in the books, and I think it's as good as it could possibly get. I for one am satisfied with it, and having Tyrion there made it even better then in the books. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
The Dance Of The Dragons - 10/10 - The burning of Shireen was a truly heart-wrenching moment and Daznak's Pit was every bit as great as I hoped it would be. 
Hardhome - 10/10 
The Gift - 10/10 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E08 - Hardhome

This week on Game Of Thrones, Tyrion spends some quality time with Daenerys (no, not what you're probably thinking), Jorah is exiled for a second time, but he ain't giving up just yet. Theon reveals a certain truth to Sansa. And last but most certainly not least, Jon heads to Hardhome. 



Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)



Well last week, Tyrion and Daenerys finally met face-to-face, and this week we actually get to see them interact, face-to-face. And my god, it's awesome! Everything I ever could have hoped for in the meeting of Daenerys and Tyrion comes to the screen. George RR Martin, I love your books, but man, you fucked up big time by dragging and dragging and dragging the plot out in A Feast For Crows and A Dance With Dragons. And I don't just mean that in relation to this scene. Well, the show is correcting your error, and doing a damn fine job of it. Anyway, Tyrion and Daenerys have a little chat over wine and have a great battle of wits, and they're clearly impressed by each other. Peter Dinklage is fantastic as always and Emilia has been great this season, and she continues being great in this scene. Jorah is exiled again on Tyrion's advice (at least Tyrion was nice enough to council mercy). But Jorah decides to sell himself back to that slaver who bought him and Tyrion last episode. Why? So he can at least fight for Dany's honor. 

Meanwhile, HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!! I'm sorry, but seeing Cercei in prison, as wretched as a starved commoner, is just too precious! I especially can't get enough of that Septa smacking her around when she refuses to confess. But Qyburn visits her and gives her the scoop on what's been happening whiles she's been imprisoned. Qyburn says that Kevan Lannister has returned and is now Hand Of The King, and worse, Tommen is depressed. He refuses to even eat anything. Cercei wants to get out, but the only way is for her to confess. But Cercei, ever the prideful, insufferable bitch, refuses to beg the forgiveness of a lowly commoner. Qyburn does offer her a bit of hope, however. Fuck! Oh well, Cercei later has to lick water off the floor in order to quench her thirst. So that's a bit of a consolation. 

In Braavos, Arya has moved on to the next step of her training, she takes an entirely new identity as Lana the orphan Oyster merchant. She plays the part well, only managing to get smacked around by Jaqen once. Feeling her skills are adequate, Jaqen sends Arya Lana to the docks to simply watch, listen, and learn. What she finds is a douchebag trader who has a nasty habit of fucking people over. She poisons his punk ass. Jaqen is impressed, and giver her a new assignment. 

In Winterfell, Sansa chews Reek out for betraying her. Reek tells her he did it for her own good, he thought it was another of Ramsay's tricks (and honestly, can't blame him). Sansa is having none of it, she even goes as far as to say she would do to Theon what Ramsay did if she could. This finally breaks Reek, he reveals to Sansa that Bran and Rickon are still alive. Sansa, at long last, has a reason to go on again. 

Now we get to the ecstatic last 20 or so minutes of the episode. And I mean, holy titilating monkey butt fuck! Blackwater and The Watchers On The Wall are pretty tough to beat for battle sequences, but Hardhome tops both of them! And not just because of the bigger budget and improved special effects. This scene was all kinds of epic, that has finally brought the White Walkers front and centre. No longer are the petty power struggles south of the wall as relevant, and this episode lets you know that hard! Not only that, Kit Harington and Kristofer Hivju give stellar performances. There's actually a wonderful performance by Danish (at least I think she's Danish) actress Birgitte Hjort Sørensen as a wildling cheiftainess. Though her character is killed off in the episode, which I feel is kinda of a waste a great character. But honestly, that's really all I have to complain about. The fight scene is fantastic, and the appearance of the White Walkers was bone chilling. They continue to be one of the scariest fantasy monsters ever conceived in my humble opinion. But, this episode revealed that Valyrian Steel can indeed kill a Walker. Something only hinted at in the books, and much better revealed here in action than in some exposition. And last but not least, the final scene with the Night's King. Just perfection, as he raises the Wildling dead as a message to Jon and the others. Kit captures so many emotions, hoplessness taking front and center. 

This whole sequence never happened in the books. Once again, it was only hinted at and we never get to see what happens at Hardhome. But god dammit, this is something that should have been in the books! I don't give a flying mother fuck if this season has deviated from the books, not one god damn bit. And I've got a nice pair of balls for all the whiney bitch book purists to suck on! The Hardhome sequence and Dany and Tyrions meeting are things that really should have happened in the books, and this season is basically what A Feast For Crows and A Dance With Dragons would have been, if they had an editor. And I'm saying that as someone who likes A Feast For Crows and loves A Dance With Dragons. Though the season isn't over yet of course, but I'm not sure if the last two episodes can top this. Only one way to find out. Next week and after can't get here fast enough. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
Hardhome - 10/10 - A truly stunning battle and a fabulous pairing that hasn't happened in the books, the truth about bran and Rickon revealed to Sansa, Cercei at her lowest point, and Arya is advancing fast in her training. Easily the best episode of the season, possibly one of the best of the entire show. If not, the best. 
The Gift - 10/10 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Disney Reviews: Hercules (1997)

I hate using the term "goofy" so much in this video, but honestly, I don't know how else to describe Disney's Hercules.

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E07 - The Gift

This week on Game Of Thrones, Jon leaves for Hardhome, leaving Sam in a very unsafe Castle Black. Sansa reaches out to Theon for help. Tyrion and Jorah reach Meereen and are sold to the fighting pits. Olenna speaks to the High Sparrow and Littlefinger. Cercei talks to Margeary and the High Sparrow. 



Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)



At Castle Black, Jon is suiting up for Hardhome. He brings Tormund out and unlocks his chains. Jon informs Alliser Thorne that he'll be in command while he's gone. Alliser once again informs Jon of his opinion that this mission is stupid and a big steamy shit on all the brothers who died. Jon simply responds, "As always, thanks for your honesty", as if to say he already knew what Thorne was going to say, and he doesn't care at this point. Before he leaves, Sam gives him a dragonglass dagger, in case of White Walkers. Jon gives Sam a heartfelt farewell hug, and departs. However, Jon's departure is a very bad thing for Sam, and Gilly. 

Aemon lies in bed, dying a slow death. He also seems to be lost in his memories from the past. He appears to think he's talking to his younger brother Aegon. While he's in his last moments, he says, "Aeg, I dreamed that I was old." Some truly touching last words, and Sam's words to him at his funeral are just as touching. This is groundbreaking for the show, as Aemon dies, you know, naturally. Not a sword, axe, dagger, or spear in sight. The moment is spoiled however when Alliser Thorne gives Sam a vague threat, "You're losing your friends Tarly." Sam may not have friends at Castle Black, but he's not about to let a couple of his brother rape Gilly. He's easily beaten however, but I give him credit for trying, and more importantly not backing down. Ghost (Jon's direwolf in case you forgot) manages to scare them off, allowing Sam and Gilly to have a little sexy time. It's a sweet, if incredibly awkward scene. Castle Black is seeing some more sweet moments this episode. 

Sansa on the other hand. It appears she's taking more of the Jeyne Poole role than I believed. However, unlike Jeyne in the books, Sansa is going to be more active in trying to improve her situation. At first she tries to get Theon to light the candle in the tower. Theon however is still Reek, even after Sansa reminds him of who he is. Once again, Sophie Turner and Alfie Allen are knocking it out of the park. In a pretty clever scene that fooled me the first time, it looks like Theon is making his way up the tower to light the candle. Only to find that he's going to spill the beans to Ramsay. Ramsay then summons Sansa, who remains defiant in any small way she can by reminding him that his step-mother is pregnant, and he's only legitimate because of another bastard. Ramsay is noticeably pissed. See, although Sansa definitely has Jeyne Poole's story, she's more defiant and active, even managing to get a sharp object while nobody's looking. But, now we find out why Ramsay summoned Sansa. To show her the flayed corpse of the old woman who told Sansa to light the candle. Sansa is distraught,  as now she has no friends in Winterfell. 

The only friends she has are outside Winterfell, Brienne and Stannis. Brienne is waiting for a botched plan, while Stannis and his army are bogged down in the snow. After Davos surveys the sorry state Stannis' army is in, he breaks the bad news to Stannis. Over forty horses have died, and more will die by the end of the day. Worse, The Stormcrows (nice reference to the books), a sellsword company of five hundred men, have abandoned them. Davos suggests they head back to Castle Black. But Stannis is having none of it. He knows if he retreats now, he gives up his momentum to winter as Castle Black. He remains determined to march forward, Snow storms, dying horses and starvation be damned! But, he's still not above turning to Melisandre for guidance. But she suggests burning Shireen. But Shireen is no Renly or Gendry, she is Stannis' daughter. He refuses to, and tells Melisandre to get the fuck out! I don't know, I really hope Stannis doesn't go there. 

In Meereen, Jorah and Tyrion are being auctioned to some Slavers. One man bids 20 gold coins for Jorah. But Tyrion tries to convince the slaver to buy him to, claiming he can fight to. After a few laughs from the crowd, Tyrion beats the shit out of his chain-holder to demonstrate his prowess. The Slaver (or is it slave-owner?) buys Tyrion as well. Daenerys, after another pillow-talk scene with Daario, goes to inspect the new pit fighters. As it just so happens, Tyrion and Jorah are set to be in the inspection lot. After kicking some ass, Jorah reveals himself to Dany. At first she seems almost happy to see her old friend again, but then her anger returns and she wants him out of her sight. But then, Jorah tells her he brought her a gift. Tyrion is the gift, as he introduces himself to Dany face-to-face. And it's every bit as glorious as you could hope for. They haven't met in the books yet, they really should have. Just because George RR Martin wastes his time, that doesn't mean Dave and Dan have to. 

Speaking of which, there's something else that could be described as a waste of time, and that would be Dorne. I don't think it is, sure it hasn't been the most stellar storyline, it isn't terrible but I think this episode offers hope. Hotah allows Jaime to have a talk with Myrcella, but he finds that she likes it in Dorne and she doesn't want to go back. Despite the Sand Snake's attempted kidnapping. When says he doesn't understand, Myrcella's like, "Of course you don't! You don't know me." Ouch. Meanwhile, in the dungeons, Bronn is singing the Dornishman's Wife. Tyene Sand thinks he's good, Obara and Nymeria don't give a shit. Tyene then tries to seduce Bronn (and holy shit she's got a nice pair of tits!), but only to get his blood pumping for the poison in it to work faster. Tyene gives Bronn the antidote, but only after he says she's the most beautiful girl he's seen. Honestly, beast death ever if this was how he died. A lot of people have been kinda harsh on the Sand Snakes in previous episodes, and I can certainly see why, but this was actually a pretty good scene. The potential is finally showing. 

In King's Landing, Olenna confronts the High Sparrow. She thinks she has him pegged, but it turns out he's exactly what he says he is, a man of the people, and a servant of the gods. There's nothing she can say or do that will convince him to release Loras and Margaery. I almost find it impossible not to like the High Sparrow, religious zealotry and all. But Olenna ain't one to give up, if she can't get her grandchildren out, she'll make Cercei pay for their imprisonment. Who just so happens to be talking to a distraught Tommen about that imprisonment. Tommen starts at act a little like Joffery, and considers killing all the sparrows. But in the end, he's still a boy who finds himself powerless to do anything. Cercei tells him she'll meet with the High Sparrow. After a little visit with Margaery, who tells her to fuck off with her nice lady bullshit, she does just that. The High Sparrow tells her of the history of the sept, as a metaphor for what he's about to do to her. Holy fuck, it's happening? The High Sparrow then brings in Lancel, who appears to have spilled the beans on his relations with Cercei, and what happened to the King. The HS has her arrested, and thrown into a cell. You know that this means? . . . 

. . .

. . . 

. . . 

 . . .

PARTY TIME YA'LL!!!!!! 

WOOOOOOO! It's finally happened!

Ah man, was that scene satisfying. Are we supposed to hate the High Sparrow? Because right now, he's my personal hero. One of them anyway. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
The Gift - 10/10 Dorne is showing more promise, Aemon's death hit right in the feels, Tyrion and Daenerys meeting was every bit as glorious as I hoped it would be, and we get the most satisfying scene since Joffery was poisoned. 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Video Game Review: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt

Title: The Witcher 3: Wild Hunt
Developers: CD Projekt Red
Publisher: Warner Brothers Interactive
Genre: Action Role-Playing-Game
Platforms: PC, Playstation 4, Xbox One
Reviewed On: PC
Price: $69.99 ($46.99 on GOG.com, for you PC people)

I've been playing video games for years now, and have played through dozens of titles, from indie titles to massive AAA releases. Drawing from this experience, I can say, with confidence, that The Witcher 3 is some of the tightest, most well thought-out gaming I have experienced in years. Not since The Elder Scrolls 3 or Dragon Age: Origins have I been this addicted and drawn into a fantasy world, and if you've got an Xbox One, PS4, or a decently powerful PC, you need to play The Witcher 3.

The game's strongest point is its atmosphere, and in this regard, it hits the ball out of the park and straight to the moon. There's so many little details in every scene, from the trees along the trail you travel blowing from the wind, to the little conversations the city people are having as you pass by. CD Projekt Red put a ton of work into this regard, and it absolutely shines through, it recreates the low-fantasy atmosphere of The Witcher flawlessly.

The atmosphere may steal a lot of the show, but that doesn't mean the writers have slacked off either. For the huge amount of conversations and questing in The Witcher 3, it's impressive how the quality of it all has been kept at a high bar. The conversations all feel at least interesting, and all work towards some purpose, be it the main story, character development, or just an NPC telling you details on your next job, it's all kept up with spot-on writing, and great delivery from the voice actors.

Before I touch on the gameplay, I should mention the storyline as well, this being an RPG and all. The storyline is a great send-off for The Witcher trilogy, bringing back some familiar characters and introducing some new ones as well, each having some side quest for you to complete, letting you see how they're doing now. The main plot mainly concerns Geralt of Rivia's newest contract, to track and find the daughter of a prominent emperor, her name being Ciri, with the daughter also having a personal connection to Geralt. He has to work fast though, as the spectral riders, the Wild Hunt, are chasing Ciri, and it probably won't be good if they reach her first. While the main story can sometimes be overshadowed by some of the side quests, it's still kept interesting, and will keep dragging you back, even when you want to go out messing around in the open-world.

That's, by far, the biggest change in The Witcher 3, compared to the first two, the game is set in an open world, letting you go wherever you want, whenever you want (though the monsters you find may not agree with that). This formula works surprisingly well with The Witcher, as Witcher's within this world are wandering monster-slayers, and it's very satisfying to wander into a medieval style farmer village, and grab a monster contract from the nearest billboard, only to continue wandering after you slay it and get your pay, kinda like a lone wandering cowboy from some Old West fiction.

But these are monsters you're fighting after all, and being monsters, they like to make sure killing them isn't easy. Many times, a monster is stronger than Geralt in a direct fight, so that's not always an option. Geralt wouldn't be a century old if he was an idiot though, and so he has a few tricks up his sleeve to even the odds. Geralt has two swords at his disposal, a steel sword for humans and more mundane beasts, and a silver sword for the more fantastical variety. It's important to know which one to use, as many monsters in The Witcher don't take a lot of damage from steel. Not only that, Geralt also has a variety of bombs, potions, blade oils, spells, and even a crossbow. With proper preparations, you can take on all the monsters in the world.

The game does have it's flaws though, like all games. I've had a few random crashes at places, which are rather annoying, and there are a few visual glitches, though those don't really interfere with the actual game. The biggest flaw though, is the inventory system. There are a lot of items you can pick up, for crafting, alchemy, etc, and the game clumps a lot of it together, which can be a huge pain to sort through. The movement can also feel clunky at times, and while the combat functions fine, investigating or picking up items can be a bit of a pain.

There's just so, so, sooooo much to this game, and all of it is kept to a premium quality, from the strategic card game you can obsess over, Gwent, to the monster slaying contracts you can find in the peasant villages. I've put about 30 hours into the game since release, and I'm nowhere near complete. While Assassin's Creed's and Far Cry's activity's in their open world's feel like obstacles to jump over, the side quests in The Witcher 3 all feel so fun in their own right, and are a joy to complete. While you'll enjoy the game a whole lot more if you have played the first 2 games, and I recommend playing them, you can still jump in at The Witcher 3 and have a blast playing it. Games are very expensive, and The Witcher 3 is no exception, but it's one of the few releases on the new consoles that I truely feel is worth the asking price.

he Pros:

• Great Combat
• Amazing World and Presentation
• Great Characters and Storyline
• Great....Well Everything

The Cons:

• Some Glitches and Crashes
• Messy Inventory System

Final Score: 9 out of 10

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E06 - Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

This week on Game Of Thrones, Tyrion and Jorah have a heart-to-heart discussion and find themselves with unpleasant company. Arya continues her training with the Faceless Men, and finally gets to see what they do with those bodies. Littlefinger and Olenna arrive in King's Landing, Loras goes on trial. Jaime and Bronn reach the Water Gardens, and cross paths with the Sand Snakes. And . . . . oh god, Sansa marries Ramsay Snow. You all know what has to happen after that. 



Warning: Spoilers Ahead (Book and Show)



In Braavos, Arya is still washing bodies, which then get carried away for unknown purposes. As they leave the door open, Arya tries to sneak a little peak. But the waif catches her in the act and tells her to get back to work. But Arya ain't having none of it. She wants to know what's going on, but she's not ready yet, especially to be nobody. Arya asks who she is. The waif tells her a little story of how she got to the House of Black and White. It's a nice little story and Arya begins to sympathise with her. But then the waif asks Arya if she was lying or telling the truth. Arya's confused, and understandably so. Those sympathetic feelings she had for the story may have been for not. The waif concludes that Arya is not ready. Later, Jaqen H'ghar plays the game of faces with her. When Arya lies, he smacks her with a stick. The most interesting part is when she describes how she left the Hound behind and how she hated him. Jaqen smacks her for that, he knows that Arya didn't truly hate the Hound. And when he asks if she is ready to be no one, she is smacked again. 

Later, as Arya is scrubbing the floors in the main hall, a man brings his sick daughter to drink from the fountain. There's nothing he can do for her, so he just wants her suffering to end. At first, Arya is unsure of what to do, but then she gets up and sits beside the girl. She tells the girl a story sprinkled with some lies to comfort her, then gives her water from the fountain. Jaqen watches, and is obviously impressed, as he takes her to the Hall of Faces. This a eerie looking place, as it contains the faces of all those people who are brought there. As Arya takes it all in, Jaqen tells her that although she's not ready to be no-one, she's ready to be someone else. She's advanced to the next level of her training. 

In Essos, Jorah and Tyrion continue to be an entertaining duo. Tyrion can't stop talking, and Iain Glen just gives this brilliant "Do you ever shut up?". Tyrion tells Jorah that he came across the Narrow Sea in a crate, and why that is. As Tyrion tells Jorah about killing Tywin and Tywin fucking Shae, Jorah finds he relates. Tyrion also mentions Jorah's father (the old Lord Commander at the wall in case you forgot) and his death. Jorah is distraught by the news, especially since his father was killed by his own men. Jorah decides it's time to pack up and get moving.  As they continue their journey, Tyrion questions why Jorah is supporting Daenerys. Jorah answers because he believes in her, especially after all he's been through with her. Tyrion brings up more good points against this, like will there be 1000 years of peace? Is he the rightful heir because her father, who burned men alive for amusement, was king? This is cut short by a band of slavers however. But Tyrion shows once again what a clever little bastard he is by convincing the slavers to take Jorah to Meereen for the fighting pits, and also to not cut his cock off to sell to a superstitious merchant. 

In King's Landing, Littlefinger arrives and is briefly stopped by Lancel. Lancel explains that King's Landing is a new city, a subtle, or perhaps not so subtle, threat towards Littlefinger. Littlefinger simply brushes it off and reminds lancel he has an appointment with Cercei. Lancel let's him through. Littlefinger then has a long discussion with Cercei about the arrest of Loras, and even throws a few subtle japes about her relationship with Jaime. Littlefinger then reveals to her that Sansa is in Winterfell, and about to be wed to Ramsay Bolton (we'll get to that). Cercei is enraged, and wants to skin Roose and Ramsay like the man on their banner. Littlefinger counsels patience, and offers to send the knights of the vale to take Winterfell after Roose and Stannis battle each other. His only condition, to be named Warden of the North. Littlefinger. you sly motherfucker. 

Meanwhile, Olenna Tyrell is back! Good to see ya again Queen of Thorns. After hearing about Loras' arrest, she has returned to the capital. After a little talk with Margaery, she goes to see Cercei. Cercei tries to bullshit her way out of it, but Olenna ain't having none of it. Olenna even downright insults Cercei to her face, calling her "The Famous tart, queen Cercei". Cercei tries so hard to bullshit Olenna, but Olenna ain't falling for any of it. She even reminds Cercei that it's her House's food, troops, ad cash that's keeping Cercei and her family afloat. Olenna wants her house's future back, and she's not interested in Cercei's bullshit. Cercei finally decides to stop bullshitting and tells Olenna that there'll be a small hearing for Loras. At the hearing, the High Sparrow (now septon I suppose) questions Loras and Margaery, both assuring him that the rumors are lies. Then the High Sparrow brings in Olyvar, who spills the beans on his and Loras' relationship and that Margaery walked in on them once. Showing that Loras is indeed a homosexual, and Margaery was lying when she swore to the Seven to be truthful. The High Sparrow has them both arrested. Tommen doesn't know what to do and simply lets it happen. Olenna gives a venomous look at Cercei. Cercei thinks she's won, but she's only dug her grave even deeper. 

In Dorne, Jaime and Bronn arrive at Sunspear, blending in by wearing the uniforms of the soldiers they killed. They find Myrcella but Myrcella actually loves her future husband, Trystane Martell. Trystane notices that there's blood on their uniforms and tries to draw his sword, but Bronn knocks him out before he can. And before Jaime and Bronn can get away with Myrcella (who refuses to leave) the Sand Snakes jump them. Now, a lot of people seem to think this fight absolutely sucks, but I think it's fine. But before they can actually kill each other, Areo Hotah comes in and breaks it up, arresting Jaime, Bronn and the Sand Snakes. 

And now we get to the scene that book-readers and show watchers have been dreading since Littlefinger revealed his marriage proposal to Sansa in episode 3. Sansa is going to marry Ramsay Snow. But before that, she needs a bath. Myranda is sent for this. She tries to threaten Sansa by telling her about all of Ramsay's other girls. Sansa figures her out right away and reminds her that she's a Stark of Wimterfell, and she ain't gonna be frightened by Myranda. Way to go Sansa! Though Myranda's one thing, Ramsay's something else entirely. This scene man, after the wedding ceremony by the heart tree, Ramsay takes Sansa to be bedded. He makes Theon watch as he rips Sansa's dress off, and forces himself on her. This scene was very hard to watch, but it is an incredible scene. Sophie Turner, Alfie Allen and Iwan Rheon give amazing performances, but man, it's meant to be a deplorable scene and it does it well, Theon's reaction was probably the audiences reaction as well. But at least the audience didn't see it. Does it turn back all of Sansa's character development from season 4? Well, for now I can only say, no. We're not sure how this will affect Sansa in the rest of the season, and besides, she knew she would have to consummate the marriage. It being so unpleasant has probably strengthened her desire to bring the Bolton's down, in any way she can. And she's in the best position to do that. We'll just have to wait and see in the next episodes. 

 Season 5 Episode rating: 
Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken - 9/10 - The Dorne stuff was alright, and the Sansa scene was truly hard to watch. But Arya's, Cercei's, and Tyrion and Jorah's scenes were as great as ever. 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Disney Reviews: The Hunchback Of Notre Dame (1996)

The Hunchback Of Notre Dame, the most underrated movie of the entire Disney Canon. 

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E05 - Kill The Boy

This week on Game Of Thrones, Daenerys is distraught over what happened to Barristan and Grey Worm, someone needs to pay for it. Sansa finds a familiar face and partakes in a dinner from hell. Jon "kills the boy' within him, by making a practical but very unpopular decision. Tyrion and Jorah travel though the ruins of Old Valyria. 




Warning: Spoilers Ahead (From the show and books)




In Meereen, Grey Worm looks to be in bad shape, and Barristan is as dead as he could possibly be (sorry book purists, now GET OVER IT!!!!!). Daenerys stands vigil by his corpse. This little scene is great, Emilia is doing great this year and she's getting the emotions down well. Especially in the very next scene when the tone takes a major U-turn as Daenerys decides to round up the leaders of the great Families of Meereen and bring them to the dragon pit. This scene, I don't know if Daenerys is just extremely pissed or she's going insane. Probably a bit of both. The CGI for the dragons is stupendous, and Emilia gives a scary performance as she feeds one of the Masters to her dragons. 

Back with Grey Worm, we get a nice little scene with him and Missandei. Grey Worm feels he has failed Barristan, his men, but he feels ashamed for being afraid. Being afraid he'd mever see Missandei again. Daenerys feels one of the only people she can rely on now is Missandei, she asks for Missandei's council. Missandei feels she isn't qualified to, but reminds her that although Daenerys may listen and ignore council, she always tries to think of a better way. With this in mind, Daenerys decides to reopen the fighting pits and marry Hizdhar to appease the Masters and hopefully stop the Sons of the Harpy insurgency. 

At the Wall, Sam and Aemon talk about Daenerys, Aemon feels terrible that a Targaryen is alone in the world. Right after that, Jon Snow walks in. Another R+L=J hint? Jon knows he has to save the Wildling's but he also knows that the Night's Watch will hate it, and he wants Aemon's advice. But before Jon can say anything, Aemon tells Jon to do what needs to be done, "Kill the boy, and let the man be born", he says. A great line from the book that I'm glad they kept in. But as Jon suspected, the Night's watch hates the idea. But Jon lays it all out for the naysayers that the Wildling's are far better than what the White Walker's will turn them into. Jon knows it's the most practical decision, but also the right one. And he's not gonna let naysayers tell him otherwise. On a side note, I love how Stannis is still quite the grammar-nazi. Jon has a meeting with Tormund, asking where the Free Folk are. Tormund at first refuses, but after Jon gives him a reality check, and unchains him, Tormund tells Jon the Free Folk are at Hardhome. A place we haven't seen in the books but now we will in the show. Sweet! Jon also mentions using Stannis' fleet to pick up the Wildlings. I hope that means we see Shalador Saan again. Speaking of Stannis, after he asks Samwell for information on the White Walkers, he decides it's time to march on Winterfell. The departure is amazing, and there's even enough time for Jon to wish Stannis good fortune and and a heartfelt thank-you. 

In Winterfell, Brienne has holed up in a tavern. As Brienne is staring at Winterfell wandering how to contact Sansa, an old man walks in. She asks him to send a message to Sansa, but he doubts her intentions. Brienne simply walks up to him in an intimidating manner and makes her intentions clear, and who she serves. After a little pillow talk between Ramsay and his physco girlfriend Myranda, Sansa recieves a message from the old woman from episode 3 to light a candle in the tower should she need help. Sansa goes to the tower and runs into Myranda. After an extremely awkward conversation with her, Myranda brings Sansa to the kennels and shows her Theon, the moment I've been anxiously awaiting is here. And Alfie Allen and Sophie Turner knock it out of the park! Sophie just gives an incredible mixed emotion performance where I can't tell if she wants to embrace Theon, or stab the shit out of him! And Alfie is as great as ever. And this isn't their only meeting in the episode. 

Now we get to the Bolton dinner straight from the pits of hell. An incredibly awkward scene where Ramsay does his damnedest to be a douchebag and make Sansa feeling uncomfortable.  Hell, even Fat Walda makes her uncomfortable, and Walda wasn't even trying to. To make matters worse, Ramsay brings in Theon/Reek to apologise to Sansa for killing Bran and Rickon, then decides that Theon will give Sansa away at the wedding. Oh Ramsay, you lovable monster, you! But just as Ramsay is reaching the peak of his sick little joke, Roose breaks the news that Fat Walda is pregnant. Ramsay does not look pleased, and Sansa subtley uses this to turn the tables on Ramsey. Sansa surely isn't a lost child anymore. Later, Roose tells Ramsey the story of how he raped his mother and was gonna throw Ramsey in the river, but didn't, because Ramsey is Roose's son. With that, Ramsey agrees to help Roose fight Stannis when he comes for Winterfell. 

Meanwhile, Tyrion and Ser Jorah are still on that Dinghy. But they're making their way though the ruins of Old Valyria. Another location we got to see in the books, but I'm glad we get to see it now. It looks amazing! Tyrion and Jorah bond over their mutual knowledge of the Doom of Valyria. Just then, the promotional poster of season 5 comes to life as Drogon flies over them. The look on Tyrion's face says it all. But the scene does a 180 into a horror movie when Stone Men (people who are infected by greyscale beyond repair) jump into their boat. It's a tense scene, since Tyrion and Jorah can't let the Stone Men touch them, and the Stone Men look fantastic. The scene ends as Tyrion is dragged underwater by a stone man, but it appears Jorah dragged him to shore in time. Jorah wasn't so lucky, as he looks at his arm and finds his skin is starting to turn grey as the score let's us know that Jorah is well and truly, fucked. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
Kill The Boy - 10/10 - The episodes just keep getting better and better!
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10

Disney Reviews: Pocahontas (1995)

Pocahontas is one of the more forgettable movies of Disney's Renaissance, with only a few things leaving much of a lasting impact. 

Review: Game Of Thrones S05E04 - Sons Of The Harpy

On Game Of Thrones, Jorah and Tyrion paddle down what I believe is the Rhoynar, but that's probably not accurate, Jaime and Bronn arrive in Dorne and can't even walk off the beach without killing someone, Jon gets a tempting offer from Melisandre, Cercei arms a group of religious fanatics and lets her son look weak, and Dany has a full-scale insurgency on her hands. 



Warning: Show And Book Spoilers Ahead



Well, the shows has moved even further from the books this week, and the Book Purists are losing their shit! I think you all know what I'm talking about.

Just because they do something different from the books, that doesn't make D&D hacks, moron.

Actually, it does make sense, considering he was still an old man, unarmored, and outnumbered 15-1.

GOOD! I hope they continue to stick the finger to you twats!

No wander D&D stopped trying to please them, there is no pleasing them. Something rather unfortunate happened to Barristan Selmy in this episode, and it looks like he's gone for good. Which is yet another departure from the books, and yet another that I have no problem whatsoever with. Then again, there hasn't been any change that I didn't mind or think was an improvement. I wander if there's even any point comparing to the books. But regardless, Barry's dead but we'll get to that later. 

Last week, Tyrion is kidnapped by Jorah, and these two are shaping up to be a hilarious duo, if only because of how much Tyrion annoys Jorah and the way Jorah just throws Tyrion around. Peter Dinklage gets some great lines, but the best part is when he just figures Jorah out with Jorah hardly saying a word. Tyrion has Jorah pegged, he knows Jorah is doing this as a desperate attempt to get back in Daenerys' favor and lays a hard truth that Daenerys is just as likely to execute Jorah and pardon Tyrion as she is the reverse. Jorah knocks Tyrion unconscious for his insolence. The poor man just can't handle the truth. 

In King's Landing, Cercei is holding another Small Council meeting. Mace Tyrell informs her that the Iron Bank is demanding 10% of it's debt back. Only the crown can't even afford that, so she decides to send Mace to Braavos, with Meryn Trant no less, to "negotiate better terms". Cercei has an ulterior motive for this, but Mace takes the bait. Next, Cercei has a little meeting with the High Sparrow. This is where Cercei begins to fuck up royal, she thinks giving a bunch of fanatics a private army is a good idea. She tells the High Sparrow that she'll rearm the Faith Militant, who were disarmed 200 years ago, and as they show in their horrifying rampage throughout King's Landing, for good reason. It was a really creepy scene, especially with that choir by Ramin Djwadi, and I was getting some awful ISIS vibes from it. 

And even worse, Cercei did this so Loras would get arrested. This however has the unfortunate side effect of making her son Tommen, who's King of the Seven Kingdom's, look weak. Tommen even backs down from a confrontation with the Faith Militant when he goes to demand Loras' release. Imagine if this was Joffery, he'd probably have all the Sparrows killed. But that's the thing, Tommen is the antithesis of Joffery, kind and soft, but far too much for his own good. And Cercei in her infinite wisdom thought it was a good idea to make him weaker by suggesting he see the High Sparrow. And Cercei's decisions are only going to get worse from here, and it's going to be glorious. 

At Castle Black, Stannis shows what a great father he is, and Selyse what a horrible mother/person in general she is.  Selyse talks shit about Jon's parentage not understanding what Stannis sees in him (to which Stannis replies "That wasn't Ned Stark's way", R+L=J?), then goes on to talk shit about Shireen. Then in a truly heartwarming scene, Stannis shows how good of a father he is when he tells Shireen how he didn't give up on Shireen's life. Speaking of Jon Snow, Melisandre takes a shot at convincing Jon to go to Winterfell, by seducing him that is. Always nice to see Carice Van Houten naked. But Jon continues to show just how much he is his father's son. He refuses Melisandre's advances, she sees through the hypocrisy of his keeping to his vows excuse, then Jon says Ygritte might be dead, but he still lovers her. Melisandre then uses Ygritte's catchphrase, "You know nothing, Jon Snow".  The look on Jon Snow's face, and the use of the Lord of Light theme, is spine chilling. 

In Dorne, Jaime and Bronn have a conversation about Tyrion, and about all the accusations towards Cercei and Jaime. Bronn is an honest man, and he can't help but roll his eyes every time Jaime lies about things he already knows. In a rather disappointing turn, Jaime says he'll kill Tyrion if he ever sees him again. Later, they take a rowboat to the beach. In the morning, they're caught off guard by four Dornish soldiers. Bronn however is an honest man and is terrible at lying. Jaime's ignorance of Dorne being shark-free doesn't help. A fight ensues, as Bronn skillfully dispatches 3 of them, and Jaime comically survives by stopping a blade with his steel hand. There's actually a lot of really funny jokes relating to Jaime's one-handedness in this scene. 

And now we get to the scene that has Book Purists shitting bricks, again. At the end of the episode, Daenerys and Barristan have a heartfelt talk about Rheagar and his love of singing (another R+L=J tidbit?). As Daenerys goes to deal with Hizdhar Zo Loraq, who is once again asking for the reopening of the Fighting Pits and bringing more convincing arguments to the table, The Sons of The Harpy ambush Grey Worm and several other Unsullied in what is probably one of the best scenes of the season, if not the entire show! And we finally get to see Ser Barristan fight! Back in season 1 he said he could have cut through five of the Kingsguard like carving a cake, after this episode I believe he could have. Of course, Barristan cutting motherfuckers up and the incredible heroic score that played over it only gave us false hope. As even though Barristan is a tough son of a bitch, he's still old, and he was swarmed by overwhelming numbers. It's a bummer losing Barristan like that, even when he's still alive in the books, but if you ask me he still went out on a high note. And his death opens some new possibilities for Dany's storyline, and leaves the door open for Jorah to return and Tyrion to become part of her council. As an avid book reader, I have no problem with this whatsoever. Book purists are just being a bunch of whiny bitches if you ask me. 

Season 5 Episode rating: 
Sons Of The Harpy - 10/10
High Sparrow - 9.5/10
The House of Black and White - 9.5/10
The Wars To Come - 8.5/10